Husband keep scolding me in front of friends & relatives. He says I am stupid and not independent.?

Question

I am a mother of 3 kids, working. My husband travels quite a bit, so I handle all the house matters alone. On top of that, even running a small business to supplement the household income. I cook very well. I am not ugly. Really wonder why my husband keep saying i am stupid and useless....it really hurts my pride and upset me. When i asked him, he simply says I am oversensitive. He will pick up a quarrel. It's depressing!

Answer 1

At home, in private tell him "not to say those hurtful things in front of people, family, friends or strangers, again". If he has a problem, tell you now, but never do it again in front of other people. Don't argue with him. He he tries to start one, walk away.

The VERY next time he does it, front him off right on the spot in front of everyone. "Don't speak to me like that" "NEVER speak to me or about me like that in public again. If you do you won't have to complain about me again because you'll be out of the house". Leave him gasping for air. If he makes a joke out of it and says you're too sensetive make a joke about something he screwed up and ask him if if hurts his feelings? When he says yes, tell him he's being too sensitive, but now that he knows what he does to you regularly, you won't embarass him in public again if he stops.

If he grabs your, threatens you, or hits you call the police, make a battery report, have him arrested, and get a restraining order. IF YOU LOVE HIM tell him he can't come home until he has been to counciling AND anger management. Then go to the bank, the next morning (unless you have online banking and can do it when you get home) and transfer ALL OF YOUR JOINT MONEY into an account with only your name on it. ALL OF IT.

If he violates the restraining order call the police.

This is the equivilent of tough love. If you've had him arrested you know he won't stop until you make him. If you love him make him stop. If you want to live life like you described it above, don't do anything, let him continue to demean you, minimize you, embarrass you, and eventually hit you.

If you don't love him kick him out, change the locks, start your divorce, get a restraining order, and have the court garnish his check for child support. Call his boss, only one time, and tell him (I doubt your husband would work for a woman) what's happening.

Your husband is a bully, and YOU are the victim.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

He sounds as if he doesn't have a high opinion of women in particular.
He could be seeing other women on the road too, which could lead to his attitude towards women in particular, especially if he thinks that your useless to him, more less that he gets what he needs else where this is why your useless to him, or the stupid thing is that your not wise enough to know he's a jack+++!
Don't let him get away with using you as his punching bag so to say, he is emotionally beating you down in front of others.
Either seek counseling or consider treating him like wise back and see how he feels with the shoe on the other foot.
Next time he makes a comment about how your useless, in front of someone, say yeah honey your right, I can't believe how useless I have become, maybe you should stay home more and teach me how to be useful again. Or some snide remark, to make him look like the Jerk he is.

Answer 4

Your husband is an abusive clot who stands taller when he's trodding on you. Your husband says these things about you because it makes him feel better about himself.

You are clearly an intelligent woman with skills enough to be employed and keep a household together. Being in this situation, however, is setting a frightening example for your children. After all, our first example of male-female relationship comes from our parents.

Ask yourself this: do you want your children to grow up and enter the very same roles you and are husband are currently in? If the answer is "no", and I hope it is, take advantage of your husband's away time, get your finances in order, and make plans to lift this burden from you.

It's obvious that your friends and family are aware that there's a problem at hand - approach them. No doubt they're simply dying for a way to help you, but are too uncomfortable with the situation to broach you with it.

If you think you're staying together for the sake of the kids, you're doing them a HUGE disservice. You'll be a much better parent when you share some of that caring energy on yourself.

Good luck!

Answer 5

I think what you need to do is try communicating with him more on how you feel about the way he talks to you. He obviously has no respect for you nor does he consider your feelings when he opens his mouth.
And you're not 'oversensitive'. Your husband seems to be on this 'power trip', where he feels he's superior over you, but at the same time, maybe he feels inadequate, and all the work you do, when he's not around, he may know how much you work your butt off, he may just feel insecure. It's no excuse to treat you that way, though, but, I think you need to sit him down and tell him how you feel.
You don't deserve to be treated that way, by NO one, not even your husband. It's not fair to you, when you do so much.

If that doesn't work (talking to him), put it back on him - let him own what he says to you, by telling him that HOW he talks to you makes you feel "terrible", "awful", "humiliating", "ashamed", etc...
"When you talk to me as though I'm (worthless), I feel...."

Just know that you're NOT stupid, useless, oversensitive. You are a human being with FEELINGS, and you're entitled to tell him how his words make you feel. There's no excuse for that.

You might want to throw in something like, "If you do not STOP calling me those names, there is a good chance you will be talking to the walls, because I refuse to be treated in that way!" (More or less telling him that you'll leave him if he doesn't smarten up).

You deserve better. If this was something he's been doing for years, then that gives you more reason to leave this relationship, because those words will have an impact, sooner or later, on how you feel about yourself. It's unhealthy and uncalled for.

Answer 6

I feel for you I really do, I have been down that road and I can tell you right now, that if it doesn't change your gonna end up getting beat, or does he do this already? I married a guy in 1999 and the first year was good and after that he started to degrade me and put me down at home and in public, it then let to shoving me and then slapping me, in 2003 I left him but not after he punched me and tried to choke me, I had to yell for my oldest 6 at the time to call 911 at the time. Think of your self and your children do not let it go this far. See if he will go for help it is important. Some men can change some can't be changed , do not be a victim. If you wanna email me to talk more email me at [e-mail] Good luck

Answer 7

I have so much feeling for women in your position. I don't know your background which could have some bearing on your husband's behaviour(Ibelieve you can surmize what is meant by that). It's going to get worse and you need help. The alternatives that are positive are limited because you're stuck with your situation and with him. You've probably got to find a way out. When he's away, maybe you can inquire with people in your area as to how you can get help without him knowing for now. Other than that, a heartfelt good luck and seeing as how you're on Y!A, you may want to get rid of any of the info on your comp. before he may see it.

Answer 8

***READ ME***You are a mother of three with another job and you keep all the things around the house done and your husband thinks you're useless??? Just one day I challenge you to let the laundry go don't give the kids a bath, don't even wipe their faces once! If they want to make a p.b.& j. all by themselves let them. If you have pets let them trash stuff too! Dont sweep, don't mop, don't vaccum, don't dust, don't touch the dishes, don't make any beds, don't get kids or you dressed out of your P.J.'s. Let the kids listen to music/tv as loud as they want to and just as your husband is about to come home from work hungry and wanting dinner you cozy up in the bed with your favorite book or favorite show and a hot cup of cocoa or coffee and lounge and watch it all unravel...First he will open the peanut butter and jelly smeared door, trip over laundry, see the kids running a muck but can't get anyones attention because the tv/radio is too loud so he proceeds up the stairs looking for you trips over stray toys and a long roll of toilet paper the dog has managed to ravel out into the hallway, steps onto a half squeezed tube of toothpaste now on his shoes and finally enters the bedroom where you are cozied up to your favorite book as though nothing were going on around you with no hair done or make up on and I guarantee he will ask you "What are you doing?" Thats when you reply with, "oh nothing, just beeing my USELESS self!" Then smile your nicest smile and finish the chapter of your book. By then his tummy will be calling him back through the mess and to the kitchen to make himself a sandwitch, all the while thinking of how best to apologize to the queen of his heart. PS. You should I.M. me later I want to know what color roses he came home the next time with ! Good luck girl and keep your head up. Men don't know how hard we work until we don't!!!

Answer 9

Is this new behaviour? If it is, I wonder if that bast-ard is cheating on you? They act like that when they feel guilty for what they are doing and they want to justify it by saying ( thinking) all those ugly things.
Think about it. Could it be?
If not, if he's always been like this, take a vacation. ALONE.
When he returns from business, leave HIM ALONE with the kids and the house and go away by yourself.
Let's see how HE handles everything.

Answer 10

Tell him that it is not you being oversensitive. No one, male of female, would like to be scolded at or ridiculed in front of friends and family. If he continues ask him how he would feel if you brought up any of his shortcomings in front of guests.

As a worst case-scenario if he travels alot would it be better for you if you were to divorce him?

If you dont want a divorce and if he keeps it up try making light of the fact for example, and who is running the business while you are away? It doesn't run itself.