I need to sort out some stuff here?

Question

My son's dad just recently got orderd tomake monthly payments on court fines and do weekends in jail starting next month. He was worried and upset it about it for weeks and he has not been agreat dad nor a decent person tome but, I tried to be a good person and I prayed that he didn't have to do time and I told I prayed. At least he didn't have to go back to prison but you think he would be grateful enough to thank me for that and talk to me with some respect or sense.
The next time I talked to him he just wanted to know why noone picks up the phone at my house(I told him already my folks don't want anything todowith him) and refuses to believe my mother won't pick up anymore. He dissed me to be with some trash he complains about now but not my problem! So he thinks he call and we are supposed to answer him. He paid me $100 in child support in 9yrs. and expects too much from me. Why is he nice sometimes but nasty others? It could his old bat he lives with? Continued...

He also has been a recovered relasped alchie and also Ithink he toying with me but he acts like such an azz sometimes and then not others. He is making me real sick and I don't know how to deal with him? Suggetions please and muder is not an option.

He doesnt' live in this state and he don't visit but he calls our son a but he says "his son" and says it with an attitude sometimes which makes me sick.

Answer 1

Men, such as the ones you describe are good at manipulation.
You can't let him get to you.
When he is nice, feel blessed.
When he is not, distance yourself as much as possible.
You don't have to communicate with him on the phone, other than talking about your son.
Tell him that you will hang up if he continues and then, do it.
Tell him that the only thing you will discuss with him is your son.
That is it.
Not his behavior, not his fines, not your life, nothing!
And, mean it and do it.
You don't want to hear his opinions on anything and you don't need his approval for anything.
It doesn't matter if he is acting out or not, because you are finished with the whole thing and his behavior will not effect you: not possitively when he is nice and not negatively when he is not.
Don't be overly excited when he is "nice."
He should be.
What I am saying is:
get yourself out of that mode.
THere are patterns that occur. He is nice when he wants something: be it money, sympathy, friendship.
But, he is not when things don't go his way.
He calls and gripes to you. Don't let him.
This is personal experience.
Know what pushes your buttons and stop yourself from instantly reacting.
I'm not saying that this will stop his behavior. It might not.
But, it will certainly lessen your stress.
Dont' be rude back. Don't engage yourself in a war.
Just be matter of fact.
Be honest.
Be short.
Then, when he starts ranting, just hang up.
Now, if you continue to want child support, make sure that you stick to that subject.
Sometimes, he will try and be nice to have you nice to him and those good feelings flowing again and to know what is going on in your life.
Remain emotionally unavailable to him.
It will take work to be cordial, nyet not expressive and reactive.
But, I imagine he will give you lots of practice.

Answer 2

You can't control anyone's behavior but your own. He knows no one will pick up the phone at your house. Why is he calling ? If he's calling to talk to his son then he should be allowed to if it's not causing any trouble. However - Stay off the phone ! Your son has a right to know and respect and love his father regardless of your feelings for each other. Stop focusing on how you feel about him - he's not shown he can treat you well. Move on, knowing he'll be in your life in some fashion because of your son. Meanwhile, quit looking backward focusing your energy on a failed relationship and look forward to a bright tomorrow. Dont' forget to take the lessons you learned with you. Focus on the next guy being the role model your son needs while his own father figures it out.

Answer 3

Well, like it or not you are stuck with him forever, or at least until your kid turns 18. As far as the child support thing, go to the court, they will make him pay that too. Especially since he is already in trouble. That will not be a problem. You can get the money you and your child need and deserve in order to survive. In addition, just tell him that your parents think he's a douche and if he don't like it to take it up with them. Next, just try to minimize contact with him beyond picking up and dropping off the kid for visits. Other than that, you don't need to talk to him anyways. Just minimize this guy's role and ability to aggravate you. He's not worth it anyways from the sounds of it

Answer 4

No, but he knows how to push your buttons still and make you feel bad or guilty. I am not bieng mean, but after 9 years this man can still cause you grief, it would be in your best interest to change your number, and not let him into your life anymore. If he has visitation rights, arrange to meet him somewhere to drop off your son and pick him up at the same spot, and start to break this hold he still has on you.

Answer 5

The simple answer is .....he is a jerk and a dead beat dad. Unless you want your kid to turn out like this piece of crap, I would immediately cut off communication with him. That is definitely not the role model you want for your child.

Answer 6

He's an ****. Indecent and it was probably the way he was raised. I wouldn't let my son anywhere near him. You don't want that behavior rubbing off on him?

Answer 7

I AM SORRY, YOUR DAD CAN ONLY HELP HIMSELF, YOU ARE TOTALLY INNOCENT, IGNORE HIS REMARKS, i really am sorry, we cant change other people, only how we look at things, he knows he's a failure, pray for him though, be the better person. Let God [through Jesus] be your true Father.

Answer 8

simple, dont deal with him, he cant even give you $$$ to support his child.... dont talk to him, dont give him anything, let him rot like he should.... he is a worthless piece of crap, stop wasting you time with him