My fiance has been divorced for almost 2 yrs now, They do have 2 children together both of which now live with the mother. My fiance pays his court ordered child support in full and on time each and every single month and fully complies with the visitation agreement without exception. I realize that because of the children he will have to have regular contact with the ex I have no problem with that. What does bug me however is she calls EVERY SINGLE day at all hours of the day, several times a day, if we don't answer she will leave a message but then will call right back does not even give time for a return call. She does not always call regarding the kids she usually calls just to tell him what a "hussy" she thinks I am (she's never even met me) She has been asked on more than one occassion to not call as often and to only call if it's regarding the children but she refuses to grant us this one wish. Any advice is very much appreciated.
2007-03-18 16:31:38 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
One more thing she has become VERY VERY religious since the divorce which is not the problem but in her mind even though she has signed the papers and the divorce has been final for almost 2 yrs in her eyes (because of the churches view on marriage) they are still married regardless and she's telling me that Im going to hell for having "relations" with a married man. And that my fiances going to hell for committing adultry.
2007-03-18 16:35:01 · update #1
I've met both his children and his 6 yr old daughter adores me. How his 16 yr old son now feels about me I can't be sure. His ex REFUSES to meet me. He has asked her repeated to not call as much but then she just asks why. Im not sure what religion she is (I know she has a right to what ever belief system she chooses) but the name of the church is Truth Tabernacle.
2007-03-18 17:10:35 · update #2
We met before the divorce was finalized (we were neighbors) but we never dated or anything until afterwards.
2007-03-18 17:30:44 · update #3
Ahhh, the old "***** ex-wife" syndrome. Reminds me of my ex.
Your soon-to-be husband NEEDS to put his foot down and be firm. He needs to let her know in no uncertain terms that she IS NOT to call unless it's an emergency or it's regarding the children. Anything else can be considered harassment in a court of law. Start documenting ALL calls. Get one of those little spiral notepads and list the date, time and what the call was regarding (what was said, etc... etc...). Or you can do this on a computer. Either way, log those calls. This woman needs to know that ONLY legitimate calls will be taken.
You didn't state what religion she was. As far as I know, only the Catholics believe that it must be the 'Church' that dissolves the marriage. If this is the case, the I would definitely go see a Priest and have the marriage dissolved. This would help to shut her 'pie hole' a great deal.
Do this, and if she still keeps it up, go to court. I sure as hell would.
2007-03-18 16:52:40 · answer #1 · answered by Larry F 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Good luck. It is always hard when there are children involved. Please remember to NEVER trash her to the kids! I would try to get her to meet with your fiance AND you. Do this in a restraunt. Explain to her that you AND him are going to be together and around their kids, so you would like for the 3 of you to be able to discuss the children in a peaceful manner. Remind her, you KNOW she is the mom and you respect that, you just want to make sure the kids come first. That they aren't put in the middle. That way, the kids can benefit from even more love. That way, all of the ADULTS can attend school programs and special events. Then, God forbid, if something bad ever happened the kids would not feel aquward. What if one got sick and to go to the hospital while in your care? Wouldn't she want her presence to be calming NOT upsetting? One day there will be graduations, weddings whatever. Wouldn't it be nice if everyone could behave?
Hopefully, you can remind her that their marriage was over before you came along. You didn't do anything to hurt her, and you are willing to be her friend.
It worked out great for me. I went thru the parents not talking. The ex not allowing visitation, always coming up with other things the kids wanted to do. How could we keep them from skiing with an aunt vs staying in town? To actually respecting their time with their Dad.
Good Luck. Maybe she'll find someone new, and learn to be happy.
2007-03-18 23:50:20 · answer #2 · answered by Fallon 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First, she is entitled to her opinion and belief system regarding marriage and divorce. With regard to her calling, what you're describing is harassment. When she starts talking about you to your fiance, does he hang up or does he give her the attention she is seeking and talk to her? I would recommend not taking any calls from her at all. Let her leave a voice mail message. When he returns the call, clarify in the beginning what the purpose of the call was and if it relates to anything other than the children, he should inform her that he only wishes to talk to her about the children and tell her goodbye and HANG UP THE PHONE!!! My guess, based on what you're saying, is that he's giving her the time of day with each call and I'd not be surprised if he wasn't listening without defending you when she begins degrading you. I wish you the best!
2007-03-18 23:48:49 · answer #3 · answered by Michele D 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like for her this is a psychological issue with attachment. I think that she probably feels that since she is the mother of his children, she will always have some sort of hold on him that is greater than your relationship with him. It sounds like she is still very much in love with him and unwilling to admit that she had anything to do with why they divorced in the first place. I would call a lawyer and see what he or she thinks. A lawyer will be able to advise you the best way to deal with her constant calls and personal attacks on you to her ex-husband. This is borderline harrassment, so I would strongly advise seeking out legal counsel to help you, engaging in this little game with her will only encourage her. As immature as it sounds, the more you ask her not to call, the more she will. It's a very sensitive situation, so consult your fiance and a lawyer. Do not draw her into any kind of confrontation. Good luck.
2007-03-18 23:41:18 · answer #4 · answered by emmyhalli 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Just leave it! Im an 1st ex wife and when my ex hubby married his new wife harrassed me and when i would acknowledge her ignorance she would continue and progressively get worse...so when i started REALLY ignoring her...guess what...she finally went away and he seen how stupid she was and he divorced her...in your case...IGNORE her....your fiance has acknowledged her ignorance and he has requested that she be more realistic..now what he needs to do is DO NOT ANSWER THE PHONE AT ALL and only return calls that consist of the children as soon as she veers off course..ie..."KIDS" he disconnects the call....bad connection...and soon she will get the hint...He needs to stop giving her the opportunity to say sqaut about you and he certainly doesnt need to hear his ex wife talk trash about his new wife-to-be. He COMPLETELY needs to screen all her calls just like a child and only talk with her concerning the children...and only the children and never ever give her once ounce of a chance to say anything about you. That is when the conversation would be over...and he has released the handset....Now as picking up and dropping off the children he now needs to have a mutual meeting place..not going to her house no more...they need to be either at a relatives or at a store or gas station and he needs to take you with him...HE needs to take a stand and have a freaking back bone....and put you out there , this is my new life and you are not in it....to his ex....
2007-03-18 23:41:04 · answer #5 · answered by Keli 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It is possible your fiancee is reluctant to get firm with the ex because he fears she will begin to make things even more difficult with the children. Suggest he go to Radio Shack and buy a tape recorder that uses cassettes. Record every conversation with her and from her. Then when you have enough to make it clear that she IS harassing you folks take it to HER lawyer from the divorce and play it for him/her. That will cause goosebumps on any sensible lawyer because it portrays a vindictive mentality that will bring into question her fitness to be the primary parent for the children. The lawyer will convince her to stop calling your house because if your fiancee took her back to court she could lose the kids AND the child support. She could end up paying him child support.....
2007-03-18 23:52:33 · answer #6 · answered by nightrider 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well let's see you ARE living with a man without benefit of marriage...So his ex is partially right. The only one who can end this "problem" is your fiance. He hasn't done so yet so he must be enjoying it. He CAN speak to his lawyer who CAN have an order written up that she not harrass you because it IS in the divorce decree...my own says "Neither party shall otherwise harrass the other..." so if your fiance isn't inforcing that then YOU need to talk to HIM and find out WHY. His ex is going to continue as long as he ALLOWS her to.
2007-03-18 23:39:18 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
You have a few choices. You can ignore this - which is probably the adult thing to do - you can try to talk to here which I will tell ya - probably will do no good - I have dealt with a crazy ex wife for 10 years - sad as it is my husband finally had to cut off all ties with his daughter because of all the drama she caused and it was not healthy for our children. This will never end and it will not get better - from expierience I can tell you it will only get worse. However, its your fiancee that needs to stand up to you and tell her to stop the nonsense - if he backs down to her even once you loose all credibility. Sorry you have to go through this. ex wives suck!!
2007-03-18 23:39:22 · answer #8 · answered by sara 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Your fiance should go back to court and have the court issue a restraining order if it is, in fact, as troubling as it sounds. It may be, though, that you are giving her too much power by allowing her sentiments to upset you. Consider the source and give your fiance the credit he is due for leaving such a mean spirited woman.
2007-03-18 23:42:25 · answer #9 · answered by Lois M 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Why not move in by yourself until the wedding day? This way you won't have to listen to her bullshit. Once your married, you can put a restraing order on her to not call the house unless it's a family emergency.
Thats one thing all you gals out there need to realize............when you get messed up with a divorced man that has kids, your always having to put up with the ex's too.
2007-03-18 23:40:49 · answer #10 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋