Father Gives Up Rights?

Question

Why would a father give up parental rights to a stepfather and my mother? They obviously filed a petition, but they didn't ask him to do anything - he did it with no objections whatsoever. He went to prison for most of my young life (white-collar drug crime) and I had to see alot of child therapists to cope. He wrote me and sent videotapes of him all the time, so it's not like he was wanting to get rid of me. I don't think he knew what to do with me once he got out, so he just signed the papers.

It's been bothering me and I'd very much like to contact him. I'm only 16, but my parents are very supportive of it if I'd want to. I'm afraid of the rejection. Do you think he'd want to and why would he give up the rights in the first place?

Thank you guys so much for answering. It's helped me see it's not my fault and I shouldn't blame myself.

Answer 1

He is probably very ashamed at the way he "fathered" you, or should I say didn't father you. He may feel tremendous guilt and thinks that there is no way to make it up to you. And because you are in a stable home with a step/father, he may not want to intrude on that environment. Don't be afraid of the rejection, be more afraid that you don't get the answers you need, in order that you can either have a relationship with him or move on with your life. Good luck dear.

Answer 2

Myth # 1... all parents should love and care about their children. Fact... it is wonderful when they do, but reality is that there are MANY scumbags out there (men and women) do are so messed up, they can't deal with their own life, much less be a parent.
Myth # 2.. any parent who gives up rights to a child, is a terrible person, who does not give a darn about the child.
Fact... many parents who love their child, realize that they are not capable of being a good parent, and will allow someone else to do so.. because it is in the best interest of the child.
Whoa... two completely opposite perspectives. Yep, and deliberately so. You can't pidgeonhole any person or what their choices are, or reasons for making them. It just isn't that black and white, which (no insult intended) comes with experience, to understand.
Advice- Keep an open mind. Things are not always the way they look, either way you go. Cool parents that you have, they are supportive of you getting the answers you need. Give your father the opportunity to answer your questions. You may find he is just a human being, who does care very much about you, despite his poor choices otherwise.
And you may find there is plenty of room in you, to love both him and your stepfather, in their own right.

Answer 3

You'll have to ask your father that question. He can answer that better for you then we can. Just because one signs away his rights does not mean they didn't want you. And those bonds don't ever break no matter what. He obviously cared and cares for you to feel like he was protecting you in some fashion or the only way he knew how to.

Contact your father, I would bet that he would love to hear from you and stay in touch. So I don't think he would reject you at all. I bet he'll embrace you and thank you. So go ahead and contact him.

Answer 4

Understand that this is the greatest sacrifice he could possibly make.

I'm guessing that he knows how hard it was for you to cope with his improsonment and the addition of a "new-father" to your life. He probably wants to reduce the complication for you by removing himself from the picture.

"I don't think he knew what to do with me when he got out, so he just signed the papers."
I doubt it. From what you've said, he did exactly what he should have done. He made a MAJOR sacrifice for the sake of his child.

I would also assume that he didn't want you to see him during his recovery period (just after release), as this would be his worst yet (if you had trouble coping with prison, you might never get over that).

Answer 5

My guess is that he thought it would be best for you to have two stable parents (your mom and stepdad) who were there and not in prison. It sounds like he cares about you, or he wouldn't have stayed in touch through the years.

As to whether he would want to talk to you, I can only speak from my own experience: I gave a daughter up for adoption when she was a baby, and I hoped and prayed for the day she would come and find me. When she did, it was the happiest day of my life, a missing part of my life had been found.

I'd say contact him, ask him why. You have every right to know the answer to that, and my guess is that he will be open and willing to talk to you about it.

Answer 6

sounds like he knew what he replaced into doing should be the great element for you. do not carry it adverse to him. i'm particular you had a more advantageous powerful adolescents with a stepdad at living house somewhat than explaining even as youthful ones requested the position your Dad replaced into, that he replaced into in penal complex....that ought to have made your life very puzzling. Why no longer write him in view that your father and mom assist you and see if he's prepared to have a gathering with you and also you are able to ask him then. i'm particular he had your magnificent pastimes at heart.

Answer 7

1. because he could not pay the child support, and the child support had added up over the years.

2. He knew he was not going to be there for you, ( in jail) and he knew that the stepfather would be there for you.

Just a couple of thoughts.

I doubt that a man who sent you tapes and wrote you will reject you.

Answer 8

It is difficult in life to "walk in another's shoes" and truly know what is going on in that person's life. There may be many reasons for him to let his parental rights go to your step-dad.
It may be his love for you and his thoughts that it may create a better life for you. I am not sure you can ever know the true reason.
As for seeing your father, I would look to what your parents are saying to you and let them be of guidance to you. Take this slow and give yourself time to think about things. It sounds like your mom and step-dad love and care greatly for you. With their support and guidance, I am sure you will come to the right decision as to seeing your father.
Always remember you are responsible for yourself. If you ever came to see your dad and he did not act as your think he should, you can not change him. But you can be master over your own thoughts and actions and be responsible to yourself. Best of luck and be strong.