Holding newborn too much...?

Question

Hello,

I want to ask if i m spoiling my newborn too much .He cries everytime I let him down.Is something wrong .My in-laws and husband tells me that i have spoiled the newborn baby and now the baby wants some one to hold him all the time.

Answer 1

Do not listen to them. You are the baby's mother. It is IMPOSSIBLE TO SPOIL A NEWBORN.

The baby has a need, even if it is a need to be cuddled or loved. Pick that baby up and hold him.

I'm a mother of two who held both of my babies plenty and they're both happy and adjusted toddlers now who want plenty of "down time."

Answer 2

You could never spoil a newborn. When they are older like about 4 or 5 mos or so you can start letting them "cry it out". But now that wouldn't be a good idea.

He could just be a little gassy and want to be held a certain way. Babies are smarter than we adults think. They know the difference between you rocking them standing up or sitting down. My son always wanted me to rock him standing up.

Since I nursed him, he seemed to be hungry all the time. That was because he nursed about every 2 hours. so he would take 30 minutes to nurse then 1 1/2 hours later he would want to nurse again.

Your baby could be wanting more milk, since newborns grow at a rapid pace. If you're nursing he could want to nurse more even if he just did because his body is demanding more supply. If so, he will outgrow it once your body starts producing more to catch up. If your feeding him formula maybe try giving him 3 oz instead of 2oz if he's only drinking 2oz. or 4 oz instead or 3oz. and so forth.

I could never figure out what was making my newborn cry. He's five now so I guess I did okay as his new mom. He's certainly not spoiled. All I can say is that it was a lot of trial and error. If you try everything and still can't quiet your baby maybe gradually let him cry it out by himself maybe 10 minutes one night then 15 minutes. Maybe he's just not yet used to falling asleep by himself.

You as a mom have maternal instinct for your son. You know above everyone else what is best for him. Your in-laws and husband may mean well but they don't have your same maternal instinct. All you can do is just play it by ear and try different things out as these lil' ones don't come with a manual.

Hope this helps.

Answer 3

You cant spoil a newborn i went through the same thing just ask you pediatrician he'll tell you .if need be take husband with you so he can hear for himself. to stop the crying try swaddling him in a soft blanket ,often newborns need that tight fitting feeling. it reminds them of the womb. Ps you are the parent not the in-laws. As advice is nice, you make your own decision. and dont be afraid to do so and tell them. Has your husband had a newborn before? how would he know? Dont let your husband just tell you what to do. Tell him your fellings and talk it out.

Answer 4

I don't think holding your newborn is spoiling him in the least!
He has been used to being held by you since creation... help smooth his transition to this "outside" world by giving him the warmth & movement he's used to. Being comforted & having his needs met will only make him more trusting & bonded to you. Plus, you're gently introducing him to the family to be. By being confident you are there to meet his needs..the circle of love will expand to include daddy, siblings & even grandparents.

Truly, to expect that a newborn baby has already learned to manipulate his environment in a few short weeks is crazy!

Enjoy your baby.... he will be asking for the keys to the car in the blink of an eye and you'll wonder where all the time went.

Trust your instincts! For now, the only advice I'd listen to is your heart & your baby.

Answer 5

It is impossible to spoil a newborn baby. Don't believe what your inlaws tell you -- that's just an old wives' tale. Go ahead and hold your precious new bundle of joy as much as you like. He probably cries when he's put down because he still feels insecure. You know they can't see very well when they are first born, so it's probably kind of scary for him. He'll get over the crying when you put him down thing in his own time. For now just enjoy him -- you're his mom, you know best!

Answer 6

I am a big proponent of old fashioned ideas and suggestions. But, advice such as what your inlaws have told your are not right. Your baby just wants to be comforted and protected. You are his mother and if your instincts tell you it is right to hold him, then do so. A baby should never be left to feel unsafe or scared. It might just be a temporary need to be held all the time. Usually this happens when there are strangers around or the baby does not see the mother/father often. Hold him as much as you can and then once he feels safe, he will be a much happier baby

Answer 7

You can't spoil a newborn, simply put. You can check out http://www.askdrsears.com if you want to hear it from a pediatrician. Your newborn is telling you that he needs to be held, and there's nothing wrong with satisfying that need. My son wanted to be held nonstop the first few months. Since he started crawling at 5 months (he's now 7 months), he wants to be held less and less. Don't worry about spoiling and enjoy your baby!

Answer 8

No way!
Go with your own mothering instinct.
Hold that precious little one all you can.
The more you can bond with him - the better.

When you put him down to sleep, just make sure the diaper is dry and he's not too hot or cold.

Try swaddling your newborn. I swaddled my own preemie - over 20 years ago, and my first child 29 years ago - I didn't learn it from a book like this back then - my mother and grandmother taught me.

"In reference to the practice of baby wrapping"
the benefits of swaddling are supported by history, other cultures, hospitals (visit any maternity ward and you will see rows of baby burritos), and new parents everywhere.

Studies show that babies free to flail about wake themselves up more often. They sleep fitfully which prevents optimum rest and encourages crankiness.

Parents who swaddle and sling will help their newborns find comfort and security by recreating the womb and will benefit themselves with added sleep and convenience.

from the book
Baby-Gami
Baby Wrapping for Beginners
by Andrea Sarvady; Foreword by Fern Drillings, RN, MSN

Answer 9

I was always told that you cannot "spoil" a newborn. If the baby is crying, there must be something uncomfortable, or not feeling quite right with him. At this point I wouldnt worry about spoiling him.

Answer 10

We are primates. No other primate ever puts their infant down - ever.

Your newborn is not fully developed, you know. Our babies only come out at the age they do so their heads fit through. Just as the kangaroo needs to be in his mommy's pouch, your baby needs to be in your arms.



Your baby does not want someone to hold him all the time because you held him. He needs, biologically, physically needs to be held. For example, babies brain cells only form connections when babies are held. I doubt your husband wants his child to be any less intelligent that his full potential.

In addition, your husband should know that babies left to cry produce cortisol. Cortisol is a hormone with impairs learning and causes anxiety and depression disorders. In addition, research has established that a baby left to cry becomes an adult who can't handle stress well.

In other words, do what they say and hurt your baby's health.

In addition, in the first year of life, the baby works on one basic emotional issue - can my mother be trusted (and therefore, is the world a good place for me?) Your baby cries and you come, your baby knows you can be trusted and the world is a good place. Baby cries and you don't come - baby learns his needs are not important to you, the world is a hostile, lonely place, and that he is powerless to meet his own needs.

Is this really what your husband hopes to accomplish for his son? No, he wants him smart, strong, and independent. How to accomplish that? Meet your child's needs - hold him, sleep with him, carry him and sing to him, never ever subject him to more than 10 hours a week of separation from you (and far less if you can avoid it) - and he will grow independent. A seedling doesn't grow well if tossed out into the ice and snow. A seedling needs gentle, tender sheltered care to grow strong. Then, it can proudly take its place in the garden.

You will make your mother in law feel very bad about her mothering and she will fight you on this. You must resist. It's time for a change in this family's way with children.

Your husband, having been poorly treated by his mom, may have resentments towards his son being treated well. It's common - watch out for it.

You are your son's champion, hero, mother. Hold him whenever he wants to be held.

As my bumper sticker says - Teach a baby love: Answer his cries.