Hes 10 yrs older and always handled the $. When Ive tried its always been a big fight. Aside from the lies about $ he is the perfect husband and father & we have great sex & the perfect marriage. We have filed bnkrptcy, lost our home and horses which was hard on our daugher, lived in a trailer park, and finally came out of bnkrptcy & bought a house. Last year I found out he borrowed over $7000. from 2 guys he wrks with that he still hasnt completely pd off. I demanded marriage and financial counseling or I'd leave. He agreed and has really been making an effort, but there has been so much hurt and pain its hard to get over it, but hard to think about leaving and the hurt and pain that would cause, too. However, I don't think I can ever feel trusting, safe and secure w\him again. Ive met a lawyer whos really a great guy, and were just friends, but hes made it clear he'd REALLY be into me if Im ever single. I feel like Im on a sinking ship and he could be a life raft. What do you think.
2007-03-18 15:44:00 · 12 answers · asked by Tracie R 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Leave the lawyer alone because no matter how you feel you are still MARRIED!!! Don't ever forget that. Your first duty is taking care of home. No one said marriage would be easy or problem free. Your husband needs you right now and you shouldn't abandon him just because he has a flaw. Work with him. You have a family together and it should be worth fighting for. The only thing worth leaving a man for is CHEATING! There are so many men who do that, be blessed that yours is not one of them!
2007-03-18 15:51:19 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your husband agreed to go into marriage and financial counseling with you. He is doing it. You should also be 100% into this too. He is making an effort and with that you should be able to slowly start redeveloping trust in him. This is not something that happens over night, but other than the finances you say he is perfect. Do you really want to lose 16 years of marriage to a perfect guy who is great as a father and husband because you are afraid to trust again? You need to give yourself the chance to do just that. Don't expect miracles overnight, but if he is willing and actively doing what he can to regain that trust...you should give him the fair chance.
As far as the lawyer...don't think for a minute that the grass is greener on that side of the fence. For one thing...you are supposed to be friends YET he has made it clear he would be into you if you were single...that is already inappropriate behavior. He is not a good catch or a good man for that matter just on that alone. Don't look for someone else to be your life raft. Start relying on you and working on that marriage. If you cannot make it work, the last thing you need to do is try something else when you are still recovering over the loss. You cannot fix this marriage if you are even partially thinking of this man as your way out.
2007-03-18 22:58:47 · answer #2 · answered by kalea_kane 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Tracie,
We have something in common here! Sorta the same and for the same amt. of years too!
Once again, it is coming down to how we handle our problem with them!
Mine has and believe still does lie about $$$$ he has saved, buying things, secretly making high purchases, and who knows what else..................
yet, I don't buy clothes like i do food because we're raising kids and I still get "lip" over the food bill, and it's dumb because now I work full time and contribute more than he does and in MORE ways!!!!!!
Anyway, the lying is what I can't stand.
It's great and all that your Husband is making efforts, but, the lying is a different "story" and that itself nees to be hashed out! The men lie for convenience and they tend to rationalize it by saying they don't want to hurt us, BUT, the lying about things still goes on and in my situation, the lying has become a habit. I lost feelings for the marriage but I stay because I wouldn't be able to make it out there on my own. We live like Friends.
For you, if any changes are positive and you can work things out, I do hand it to you.
I don't know what to say about the Lawyer "guy!" Someone else said the way he's being isn't Professional and I agree with that! He's making life complicated for you and you could get confused easily if you get distracted by him. Just beware and stay on your "Path." Your marriage sounds positive. Yeh, I'm not sure about trusting this Lawyer, either!
Keep working on your Marriage, and give it time and see if your feelings change. Overall, if you aren't happy, then don't stay in the marriage and this is what I have to "Mull" over in my situation.
Take care and I hope things get better for you!
2007-03-19 01:37:45 · answer #3 · answered by julesrules 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay with your husband - he sounds like a decent guy, he just has some spending issues, you said it yourself, he's making an effort - keep with the counseling. There is no such thing as a perfect man - this lawyer guy has faults too - the grass isn't greener on the other side - it just looks greener!!!
2007-03-18 22:50:38 · answer #4 · answered by Zabes 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you can show me a marriage where there is no problem then i want to be there with them. In every marriage there is one thing or something that is not right. you have been there for so long and invest in it you just have a money problem. he is not abusive you did not say that if he is i will say leave don't walk but run. I hope that you work for your own money and if u do save your money just with your name and your daughter's name just don't have to many bills in your name. Try and get the book woman and money it's a good one
2007-03-18 23:20:21 · answer #5 · answered by Diamond . 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're simply looking for a bigger life raft, forget it. Maybe you should of insisted on playing a part in the financial end of your marriage. Apparantely he was perfect at e/thing but money management. Good Lord girl. NO ONE is perfect.
Please dont let the attny cloud your logical thinking.
2007-03-18 22:56:36 · answer #6 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he wont take counseling seriously, you gotta SPLIT. you could LITERALLY be taking food outta your daughters mouth. you already filed for bankruptcy once, what happens if ur put on the street this time. you dont want to put ur child thru that. dont leave because u met a lawyer who wants to date u, Do it for your child. and yourself. as for ur husband bein a great guy, when we are adults, love aint enough somtimes!
as a married couple you are responsible for his debt in some instances. (my mom cant even buy a used car cuz my dad put her name on stuff he didnt pay for but said he did her credit is shot to heck for life cuzza him) check that out befor splitting.
2007-03-19 05:20:02 · answer #7 · answered by jean grey 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i understand your position about the trust part. however, you said he's a nice father and husband, so, it's really worth having it work out with him
the lawyer friend can confuse you with your feeling with your husband. unless, you stay clear from him you'll never learn to trust your husband again. if you wanted the marriage to be saved, work it out with him without condition. your daughter is enough reason to stay.
2007-03-18 22:52:15 · answer #8 · answered by shekinahjireh 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
forget the lawyer, you'd be a temporary toy to him, many men use their status to play women. work on your husband, he sort of has a 'sickness' like gambling. in the final analysis you aren't responsible, he is, just relax, live it day by day, you and your child aren't out in the street or starving. i wouldn't leave my husband no matter how broke we got, and it's been 22 yrs. keep your chin up. life is about God, not houses or things.
2007-03-18 22:55:15 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
never trust a lawyer.
2007-03-18 22:58:03 · answer #10 · answered by Joe Guy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋