Depressed boyfriend?

Question

My boyfriend has recently been diagnosed with several types of depression, and is under a lot of medication to help with them. He isn't happy, ever, and I would really like him to be. He has pretended to be happy a few times, and I fell for it, but he really wasn't, and it hurt me when I found out. I am prepared to deal with all the hurt that may come from this, because we have gone through hard times, and it always works out. Right now is just a really bad time, and I was hoping for some help of any kind. He doesn't want to talk to me at times, and I am afraid to say the wrong thing. Please don't tell me that I am in an abusive relationship, because I'm not, and I know for a fact that I am not. He doesn't take any of his anger or sadness out on me, and I know he does so on purpose. Occasionally he has slipped, and yelled at me for something, but always apologizes and feels terrible about it. I need some new advice, maybe from experienced people. Please help me with this.Thanks

Just so ya know, we are only in high school. Yes, I know that is going to change your answers, but please, don't dismiss us as a high school couple that is just going to fade away into oblivion. We are truly devoted to being together, and even IF we do break up, we agreed we would remain friends. Please give us serious answers, because I'm not going to leave him, so don't say "He's just a high school boyfriend, dump him and move on, you don't need someone like this."

Answer 1

I am in this same situation with my girlfriend - and I am the depressed one. I am not on any medication - I had forgone that a while ago, finding that working on my problems by myself works better - but I don't think mine is as bad as your boyfriend's. I have been with my girlfriend now for a year and a third, and the incidents that happen sound similar, except times seem good most of the time. But when I feel depressed (mind you, I never yell at her - I have once or twice, and I felt absolutely horrible), I tend to talk and complain a lot. All I look for is comfort. Even abstract comfort, like saying something like "I know, baby" and holding him works to make me feel a lot better, and my girlfriend is just learning this. Just give loving support, and don't take stuff personally - realize that he isn't upset at you or anything, and just sympathize with him. Talking about why and where and how don't usually help. I feel like I don't want to talk to her at times, but at the same time I do - I just feel like I want to be alone and comfortable, so over the phone is a little hard for that. But if its together, I just really want to be held and not talk. Just give him comfort, sympathy, love, and understanding, in an unconditional manner, and things will work out perfectly. When I'm depressed, it's all a matter of feeling love, and just love. Feeling it so strongly can't help but make me happy. I wish you luck, and I understand it is a hard situation. You sound like a really good couple, and I hope this helps! Take care.

Answer 2

it is very hard to be in any kind of personal relationship with someone who is depressed or has another kind of mental illness. try to reassure him that you might occasionally make a mistake or say the wrong thing, but that that doesn't mean you don't care for him. he probably feels like he's dragging you down with him, or he might fear that you will get tired of him and leave him, that's why he sometimes pretends to be happy. talk to him about it, and show your support as often as possible, perhaps accompany him to counseling a few times.

Answer 3

just be there for him right now. you may feel that his happiness is your responsibility but it isn't. just don't marry him until his head is on strait. you are doing all you can do as long as your there when he needs you to be. i'm sorry that i have to answer it like this but trust me he will get better and thank you for the support latter. plus don't let him beat up on himself. if he had a broken leg people would be more caring but because they don't see it they can be mean. that's where you step in. don't let anyone beat him down including himself. and good luck