He will tell me he's coming to drop off dinner for me at work, and no one will see or hear from him for hours on end. If he's at home and I call, he won't answer the phone. He swears he cares and he wants to make things work, but he makes no effort. He wants to be out with his friends for hours without having to be accountable for anything, he doesn't do anything around the house, and I'm just plain frustrated. It's not drugs, it's not alcohol, and it's not another woman - he at least doesn't lie to me about where he's been and who he's been with afterward. I don't believe in divorce - I believe one marriage is plenty for anyone, and if you love someone so much to marry them, then you make it work - but I don't know what to do anymore. I am so frustrated I'm in tears! We've been together for 6 1/2 years, but just got married last summer (we were living together before that, so it's not that)... I just don't know what to do anymore.
2007-03-18 15:08:57 · 13 answers · asked by jhostman 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Maybe I wasn't clear enough on the 6 years thing - this has all started a couple of months AFTER we got married.
2007-03-18 15:18:24 · update #1
It is DOMINATION. You are 'his' now, and you can't tell him what to do. He will make the decisions on his terms. He thinks like a child!
My husband changed the very first morning of married life. He owned me, and I lost a lot of my rights that day. We had also lived together before marriage. In a lot of ways he was even a little bit of a whimpy man - especially with his mother and sisters, so this was so confusing to me. This sounds like a dangerous teenager who is 'rebelling' somehow..... Unless you find out what exactly he's thinking you are going to have it hard. I'd watch him carefully hun.
He has won his prize.... You're his pretty little singing canary. You have food and water and a cage to live in. That's good enough. You probably even have to buy your own bird seed.
Now it is up to you to find out if what I am saying is true. If he is interested in counselling and change, then there is a chance, otherwise........
2007-03-18 15:44:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I hate to say this but I think you are very naive. Simply put he's off with his friends. He doesn't answer the phone. It takes two tango. Doesn't sound like he's in the game...at least not your game. I'd not waste my time. Days turn into months, years, decades, and then 30 years down the road because you thought you should stay with the man cause you married him you might be wishing for someone who didn't have so many outside interests and would answer his phone if you called. Before children...get out!!!
2007-03-18 15:29:55 · answer #2 · answered by butterflylover 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, he does not care nor does he respect you at all. He is using you as a convenient person to pay the bills while he does whatever he wants (and the possibility of drugs, drinking and cheating is something you need to face). He is counting on the fact that you do not believe in divorce to keep you from ever ending his fun. You can't work through this because he doesn't want to. He will continue to do this until you force him to grow up.
2007-03-18 15:20:16 · answer #3 · answered by fly guy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
one thing caught my attention here. you said - "if you love someone so much to marry them, then you make it work" --but did it ever occur to you that we all make mistakes and could be so used to a person that we're blindsighted most of the time? you can continue on with all this nonsense of his because you want to stay married - but sometimes 'enough is enough' --you know you deserve better than this --and you will know when enough is enough. I hope it all works out for the best --but it sounds like you are ready to put your foot down. otherwise his behavior could take yet another turn for the worst.....
2007-03-18 15:14:52 · answer #4 · answered by Virgo 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I suggest that the 2 of you fit. You tolerated this nonsense for 6 years and then married him and now you don't know how to cope? First it takes 2 to make a marriage work and now you discover that only one of you is trying. Sorry. I think that any advice at this point would be time wasted but thanks for the 2 points.
2007-03-18 15:14:52 · answer #5 · answered by nidan 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Sorry-usually people who get married who have been living together for awhile first have a greater chance of getting divorced.
2007-03-18 18:40:03 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Unless your calling every 5 mins. He should answer his phone when you call. There may be trouble with your marriage. And he might not be out with the guys.
2007-03-18 15:13:40 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
STOP!!!!
STOP!!!
you are giving to much. He treats you that way because the lack of respect, consideration. He is inmature, and selfish. He is acting like a teenager not a man. Now if you don't stop it then don't complain. so stop him from treating you like that.
2007-03-18 15:19:45 · answer #8 · answered by cilverpenni 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well the issue is not him but why you put up with this. But you have answered your own question..he knows he can do whatever he wants to you and you wont leave. So it seems to me you need to just accept what he is doing.
2007-03-18 15:21:43 · answer #9 · answered by CHELLE BELLE 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I hate to break your heart, if I were in your shoes I would have someone check on him to make sure he is not cheating on you, it would give you peace of mind......Jesus loves you
2007-03-18 15:17:57 · answer #10 · answered by Bert 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋