do u like this POEMMMMMMMM??????

Question

written by an almost 14 year old girl:

My eyes turn bloodshot,
as my body trembles,
I plug my ears,
I just can't take it anymore,
can't take the,
nagging,
pestilence,
antagonism,
rivalry,
demoralization,
brutality,
or even the bellows or blows i recieve,
my hands shake,
at every sound she makes,
can't she just go away,
and save me from my,
pain,
depression,
or anger?
Why can't she just leave?
"Leave!" I say,
"at least for the day!"


do u like it? can u rate it from one to ten? if u don't like it... plz tell why... thanks!

r u guise at the bottom being sarcastic?

Answer 1

It is all right I suppose. Needs quite a bit of polishing up and really, well it just makes me want to grimace. Now, I can't write poetry myself, so I'm not saying that I am personally any better, but I can tell you from a reader's point of view I do not like this poem. On a scale of 1-10 I would rate it a 4.5.

It doesn't flow well, it has absolutely no originality, and it doesn't leave me with a particular feeling after I've read it to myself or aloud.

The adjectives and verbs need to be chosen more precisely. Tell her to keep at it. It needs much work though.

EDIT:

No, I am not being sarcastic.

Answer 2

For the most part, I like it - makes you want to know a bit more.

The eyes turning bloodshot, though...it just seems different from most of the poem. Some other way to describe? And the strong words in the middle - nagging, then pestilence, etc - it's the flow thing for me, too. Some of the words just don't seem like where the young girl would go facing this situation, but I'm not that girl, so I don't know that for sure.

Still, I like the images a lot. I see a girl with hands over her ears standing against the wall, curling into herself as the words continue. I'd say 7-8 range.

Answer 3

Ah well, I'm a writer and a professor of Literature. I'm sorry to say that you need more depth in your poem, perhaps you need to read more on the subject.

Poetry is a deconstruction of the everyday things we do and feel. It is quite magical actually, if you think about it, because poetry is making words come alive through images and textures which your readers would be able to feel and imagine. What you wrote was actually more of an essay than a poem. Let me ask you these, to what would you compare the woman in your poem? If anger and depression were a person or an object, what or who would they be? How would that object or person look like --- describe it or him? Write all of these images down, then from there, write again. Remember, we are all born out of stardusts and we all have that magic inside of us --- we can all become poets if we want to --- it's not an exclusive club :-)

Answer 4

I hate to tell you this, but I don't really like it. Iam a writer, of many poems, a few published, as well author of a yet unpublished in progress novel. And I'm the same age as you!I've written these types of poems before, but I have to tell you. They suck. It's like, you want to show your soul, draw it up deep from your body, tear it to pieces, rip it to shreds and expose the agony, depression, and shards of glass of what your soul may be. But instead of following your intent, your really creating a fake bottom to your soul. If you will, picture a glass, of which you might pour milk into. Take this glass, and halfway down place a circle of cardboard, or some flat solid surface. Now, there is a fake bottom of the glass, as is the way you open your soul through the poem. To reach the real bottom of your soul, I want you t close your eyes, and think about a bubble. Surely you remember blowing bubbles as a child. Well, I want you to remember the hope and happiness of the bubble, and he feeling you had when you thought your bubble might never pop. Maybe it would reach to the sky before it exploded. But before you can imagine, this it pops. Bring life to the bubble, bring life to you, and bring life to your soul.

From one writer to another. Take my words, hug them tight, and explore the bottomless pit which is your soul.

Answer 5

Lot's of potential! But put the thesaurus down, now back away...slowly...leave it... leave it...

Don't stop writing though. Let it come from the heart. I understand the poem. I think you are talking about the other half of a person. The worse half.
Great start, but poilsh it up! DON"T STOP WRITITNG!!!

Answer 6

i would give it a 5, its not bad but it could be better.
a little emo, any one with a decent knowledge of poetry could write it.
sort of sounds like a rhyming journal entry, but this almost 14 year old has about 4 or 5 more english classes ans (if she is really into writing) plently of writing classes, she could be the next Emily Dickinson.

i also have a tendency to exaggerate.

Answer 7

W~O~W!!! WHO CAN COME UP WITH THAT! 10+!!! if there was a weak part it was "or even the bellows or blows i recieve", it seems to jut out from the rest but the rest makes up for it...and more!

Answer 8

I would give it an 7,
BUT let me tell you why... it needs a little work on form, and rythem. I know you don't need ryme, but a flow needs a little more infusses
But other than that it is really good and really sad, kind of.
??????????Is it for reall or imagination?????

Answer 9

Interesting... on a scale of 1-10, I'd give it a 7. Not too shabby, but not great. Depression is wierd like that.

Answer 10

10 oh mi 10 10 10 10 i love that that was beautiful great work of art oh mi i loved it i felt it g00d i reading it again!! It really makes me feel for the depressed oh and the kids who have to sit there and listen to fights and abusers stalkers who ever gave me 3 down thumbs yall stink cuz this rockss