Alienware is unknown to most of people. I don’t know if they care to sell their product or they want to keep their company secret. Their commercial lacks information of the product. I believe that they make advertisement to increase their sales and spread their name to public in same time. Alienware might be successful in spreading their name but, their sales won’t increase as much as other PC brands out in the public. To increase the sales effectively, Alienware should put detail information in their commercial, so consumers could learn more about Alienware product. Advertisement has to have many qualities to deliver their purpose effectively. It has to be humorous and entertaining, so consumers would remember the commercial for long time. Also it should contain enough information of the product so consumers get the idea of item that company is trying to sell. Alienware lacks all of these qualities, and if they want to become popular and compete with some other successful PC brand, they should improve their commercials with qualities that consumers want to know.
2007-03-18 14:13:43 · 4 answers · asked by alice 1 in Education & Reference ➔ Homework Help
This paragraph contains too many disjointed sections to fix. You need to start over - created a brief outline. Detail what you want to say and the order in which you want to say it. This paragraph jumps from idea to idea and doesn't properly develop its themes.
I understand what you want to say (I think) I just don't think you've done a good job of expressing it clearly.
2007-03-18 14:27:32 · answer #1 · answered by fdm215 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Alienware is unknown to most people, making me wonder I if they care to sell their product or keep their company a secret. Their commercial lacks information on their product, and I believe that they only make advertisements to increase their sales, while attempting to expose their name to the public . Alienware may become successful at spreading their brand name but, sales are not likely to increase as much as other PC brands that are better-known to the public. To increase sales effectively, Alienware should have more- detailed information in their commercial, so consumers can learn about the product. Advertising has to have many qualities to deliver their message effectively. It has to be humorous and entertaining, so consumers will remember the commercial for long time. Also, it should contain enough info of the so consumers get an idea of the item that company is trying to sell. Alienware lacks all of these qualities, and if they want to become popular and compete with some other successful PC brand, they should improve their commercials .
yours truly, shitstainz
2007-03-18 14:31:16 · answer #2 · answered by shitstainz 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
It's really badly written and the sentences do not connect. There are also many fragments and too many seperated sentences.
Besides that, there are some added words that don't fit and wrong tenses used.
2007-03-18 14:32:57 · answer #3 · answered by ailee 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What you need to do is to break it down into short concise paragraphs that make sense and flow from one to another.
If I was to do that it would no longer be your own work
2007-03-18 15:10:14 · answer #4 · answered by Murray H 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋