Does anyone elses partner refuse to take advice in bed?

Question

In my 4 years of marriage I have enjoyed sex maybe 6 or 7 times. I need sex to be mentally, emotionally, and physically stimulating. I have tried politely and very frankly telling my husband that he does things in bed that turn me off and I have offered reasonable suggestions but he just insists that something is wrong with me for not feeling turned on by him and that I need psychiactric help. I offered to see a counselor with him, he said no. I am so frustrated. I can really enjoy his company sometimes and he's a great Dad to our kids, but the man thinks I just hate sex and that is NOT true.

Comments? Advice?

Answer 1

No, you're not alone. Some partners just don't possess the intellect to comprehend what you are saying. Just tolerate it and move on. Eventually, he may get a clue but I wouldn't hold my breath.

Answer 2

I think that stating, that he turns you off (or does it wrong ) , was a big blow to his ego, even if you didn't mean it that way. He is right that his body should be enough, to a point. However, if your not physically aroused then not matter what he does will never work.
Your best to explain to him that he is everything to you but you want to enjoy sex just as much as he does. You offering suggestions, only means that you want to show him how much better it will be for the both of you. To listen to what your saying, will only make things better and you'll both enjoy it even more (practice). Tell him your sorry about your choice of words but you hope he'll understand what you meant all along.

Answer 3

boy that is kind of a hard one. First of all there is nothing wrong with you and you dont need help. If anything your husband has a problem. I know from my own personal experience I absolutly want my wife to be satisfied and really i cant enjoy my self near as much if she is noit satisfied and would at times acctually welcome some suggestions. So I would say that you need to make it very clear that this is a problem for you and if you guys cant work on it together then yes you will need to go and seek counseling or heaven forbid something worse may happen. Now from the sounds of your question you love him and do not want that to happen so let him know that you love him, but you and him need to work on this together or you relationship is going toi continue to suffer. All i can say is if he truely loves you he will be willing to work on your problem and hopefully it will work out for the best. Good luck and remember that the problem is not with you.

Answer 4

Well, there may be some ego buffering going on with him that's making him unable to take suggestions.

This will probably sound silly, but when hubby and I were first married, we used to play board games for stakes - with the stakes being that whoever lost had to follow the other's "instructions" in bed. We both learned what the other liked best, without any ego-bruising feeling of "your not doing it good enough." Might be a route to go.

However, suggesting psychiatric help was pretty lame on his part. That would make me mad. You not enjoying his sexual style doesn't make it ok for him to suggest you have mental issues. Either way, I'd talk to him about that particular choice of response.

Answer 5

I admire you just for speaking up and telling him what you don't like. I can honestly say, i have never heard of a woman caring enough to do this, then offering alternatives. He needs to wake up and realize what a great woman he has!
I don't think seeing a counselor is the answer. He just needs to realize that its not all about him, and you have needs to that should be fullfilled. Maybe try and not have sex with him, maybe that will bring him around. I am a man, so i know we're stubborn. Try different points of attack (sort of speak) until he finally realizes what you need.

Answer 6

I'm in the same position as you, although, my husband says he wants "coaching" but if I do, he thinks I'm saying I never enjoyed sex with him before. It's gotten to just be a chore for me. I don't know if there's something wrong with you, or with me, but I would suggest seeing a counsellor, even alone if you have to. I'm thinking of it because the problem with having a frustrating sex life with your husband is knowing it might not be frustrating with someone else, which could cause an end to your marriage. So, before you become desperate (I'm not saying you would, but it is possible), try to find a way to help yourself.

Answer 7

Watch a porno together and while it is on tell him what about the couple turns you on and what you don't like. Use it to lead to the conversation you need to have. Don't have sex with him if he doesn't listen to you. His ego is probably bruised from you telling him there are things you don't like him doing. Say I don't like it when you do this but I would love it if you would do that. Don't have the conversation when you are in bed, have it like in the morning or when you are driving somewhere so he has to listen. Good luck.
If you guys are young sometimes it takes guys a while to realize they don't know it all in the bedroom.

Answer 8

I assume you are both young? If this is the case, your husband may be stuck in that I've never had complaints before so it must be you syndrome. He probably isn't aware that all women are not alike because he isn't experienced enough to know - that comes with age. Your problem may just take time and patience to work on until he learns the most important thing in pleasing your wife is in following her direction. Only you know what is pleasing to your body. Good Luck.

Answer 9

you need to understand that you are the one in the right here. you are the only one making an effort in this area of your relationship too. it's your body and you have the right to use it or not use it, point that out to him. what really might get his attention is telling him that you did enjoy sex with your previous partners and why. when you wake him up with this he will be much more attentive to what you are saying.

Answer 10

Try to explain what you just said to him thoroughly, maybe in a letter if you have to. Some of us guys are slow.

If all else fails and you love him enough not to divorce, get it from somewhere else. DONT CHEAT though. I hear vibrators do wonders for women. Maybe even get him involved in it. Do what you gotta do.