....this 26 year old Ryan..has been a dope addict looser all his life...His mom(my wife)...has too kind of a heart to say no...and I really can't afford to got jail for beatin his aass !!
2007-03-18 14:05:57 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You have to try and convince his mother that he is a loser and will take everyone down with him if she keeps giving in to him. I've seen it happen, a very good friend of mine kept bailing her middle son out of trouble for years. He was convicted of countless burglaries and she put the family car up as collateral to keep him out of jail, he was convicted of rape and their boat went, he was tried and convicted of rape/drug trafficking and she lost their HOME paying for lawyers. Her husband left her and the eldest and youngest of her three kids went with him, because she was hellbent on bailing him out time after time. When he got out of prison he went to her, she handed over her credit card to him so that he could get "whatever he needed"...and he left, she had to file bankruptcy because he ran up over $40,000.00 on her credit card, she has literally lost everything and moves from one homeless shelter to another because she has lost too many jobs trying to keep her son out of prison years ago and no one will hire her (besides now she is in her late 50s). She doesn't know where he is or even if he is still alive...last she heard from him was 7 years ago when she got a bill for plastic surgery services in Los Angeles. So you have to decide whether this "package" is worth loosing everything for and you have to give HER an ultimatum...
2007-03-18 14:18:02 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Good Luck. After 26 yrs he is set in his ways. Not to say he could not change but I would not plan on him listening anytime soon. Do you know the program called intervention? Cool show but neither here or there, point is you would be better off talking his mother into calling for an intervention. This can be done peacefully and / or thru the court system but have no fear there are plenty of options out there. try and contact some of the local rehabilitation clinics in the area or the local hospitol. Don't give up! if you care about him, you''ll sooner or later find a way. I would start with his mom, she must at least want to see him get helped.
2007-03-18 21:12:23 · answer #2 · answered by D B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to her about setting some firm rules and sticking with them...it's not fair to you that she won't make the kid take responsibility for himself. He's a grown man, loser (not "looser") or not.
Get tough about the situation...not violent with him. Give him "x" amount of time to get himself together and move out...period.
His mom isn't doing him any favors by being "kind hearted"...what has it taught him except that he can be a human sponge and live off of her instead of making his own way as an adult?
Perhaps counseling for you two, maybe all 3 of you, would help her and the idiot kid, see the situation in a different light.
2007-03-18 21:11:40 · answer #3 · answered by . 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your wife needs to allow her son to be an adult, 26 is an adult. If her heart was really that kind, she wouldn't give into her son and be an enabler to his addiction and behavior, she is not doing any good by being his friend, he needs and intervention and if that doesn't work I am sure he can find another place to live, let him deal with his future now, it's time for her to cut the cord already.
2007-03-18 21:10:59 · answer #4 · answered by Vegas 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
At twenty six he is old enough to get out on his own. If he's not working - what about taking him down to a military recruiter's office to have a talk. Jr. might like to see what seeing the world and being all he can be is like if he doesn't want to behave at home. The experience could also make him into a well disciplined man.
2007-03-18 21:10:53 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe Mom needs a reality check. Does she realize she is an enabler if she gives into him? I am on your side with this one. It would be a deal breaker for me. Either she decides she is totally and completely your wife or she is his mommy giving into his drug addictions. Her son is going to eventually kill himself by using drugs so in the end does she want to say she assisted him on the way to death or did she stand up and try to get him to quit even if it was by giving him the cold shoulder?
Stick to your guns. You are in the right frame of mind. You cannot continue to deal with this.
Good luck!
2007-03-18 21:12:06 · answer #6 · answered by Raspberry 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Who cares ? He is over 18 , send his asss down the road . . .
Do not give him $$$$ ,
Do not ever let him stay at the house .
I don't know how long you've been married (or if that matters) but tell her to snap the umbilical cord now or try out being single again.
Life is too short to over indulge addicts.
The only thing you or she should do is - talk to him . (phone call, do NOT let him in the house)
BUT NOTHING MORE.
2007-03-18 21:15:22 · answer #7 · answered by kate 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What's your question? No matter what, a mother will put her child before anyone else. Even if he's a "dope addict loser". She can't stop him from being that way, only he can. You can talk to her, however, about different programs that can help her stop enabling his drug use, which in turn may cause him to leave your house.
2007-03-18 21:10:49 · answer #8 · answered by 1978girl 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
put him on the street. he's 26 years old and no longer your responsibility. you need to explain to your wife that if she can't say no, you're going to. if he's going to disrespect your rules and refuse to move to the next stage of his life, (i.e., lose the rebel teenage drug use nonsense) then he's not going to be a burden on you and your household. you have to make your wife understand that making him rely on himself is the only way that he's going to learn anything at all at this point. good luck!
2007-03-18 21:10:16 · answer #9 · answered by begeeman13 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Get a clue ya moron. He's 26 years old. That means he is an adult. If you want to go on agonizing over it until your miserable, go ahead. He's old enough to make is own decisions.
2007-03-18 21:09:40 · answer #10 · answered by Disco Mudda 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋