Its my story i made. Please comment it and give any suggestions. I know the spelling and grammar arent good but im only 12. no its not done
"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut u-"
"Jamey, Jamey its ok stop yelling. Whats wrong? Is everything alright?"
"Fine everythings fine."
" Would you like to see the guidance councelor? I think you should i will right you a pass." Im glad she wrote me a pass. Every one staring at me, people laughing not knowing whats going on. I know im not going to tell her anything, i know what she'll think. She'll think im crazy and send me to an insane asylum and i'll never get to see my family or do anything i wished for. Its not that big of a problem it'l go away i know it will. I took the pass and headed down i stared at it, it said i was being disruptive, that ***** shes our first target! NO NO NO! Thats why im in this situation in the first place because of thees stupid thoughts. I screamed out in class because it wouldnt stop telling me things that i didnt want to hear. They hate you. Kill them before they kill you. It kept talking to me and i didnt know if i was imagining it or if it was real. I have dreams too, thoughts, and things i didnt used to think about. I can control everything exept the dreams and the voice. I havent told anyone yet. I dont plan on it either. The problems started out small, i got nervous when people talked to me, stared at me, were laughing. I didnt know if it was about me or not so i would get a panic attack. I read about them online so i just kept calm usualy asked to use the restroom and stay until it stops. Fortunatly its only a lasts a short time. When ever i see certain things like a cut or blood or some one getting hurt i get it in those kind of situations too. My familys fine. I dont get beat or yelled at or fight with my sister. Mostly because my parents are usualy at work or out. And my sister whos 15 doesnt really bother me or she is with a boyfriend. Im always in my room which has a tv and computer in it so it keeps my mind off of certain things. I walked into the guidance office and gave the pass to the lady at the desk. She pointed to a door and said "You can go in." I walked in and took a seat nearest to the door. "Hello Jamey Raich, how are we today?"
"Good." I said with a little smile.
"So your teacher called me and told me you were yelling shut up over and over again when no one was talking to you. What was going on?"
"Um.." I couldnt think of what to say. "I dont know what happend i just started yelling. Im real sorry i didnt mean to."
"Its ok dont be sorry. Is everything ok with your family?"
"Yes everythings fine." I was getting annoyed and i could hear the voice again.
"Ok well i will give your parents a call and let them know what happend."
"Ok." I was really nervous and i was picking at the seats thread.
"I usually dont do this but would you like to go home for the rest of the day?" I couldnt believe she said that.
"Yes." I said quickly. So she called my house and i looked at the clock. The maid should be there she should come pick me up.
"Ok some ones on there way. But remember if theres anything you want to talk about all you have to do is let me know."
"I know." I said with a smile and left to get my stuff.
2007-03-18 13:55:56 · 16 answers · asked by Batman 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
It leaves several questions to be answered. What is the voice? Why is it saying these thing? What is the matter with the girl? Overall it is a good story. It may cost some money but maybe you should think about getting it copyrighted. Is there any more to the story? I would like to read the rest.
2007-03-18 14:07:57 · answer #1 · answered by Futureguy51 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
its pretty good so far. i wonder wt that "it" thing is that keeps talking to her. i like the way u write out her point of view. a bit more description of the environment and ppl and its ok. i would like to read the next part of the story.
2007-03-18 21:08:29 · answer #2 · answered by lady_gyneth 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's great i write story 2 write me a e-mail sum-times i know a aurthur u should get this published
2007-03-18 21:27:33 · answer #3 · answered by hoodqueen118 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One thing you need to put in this is who is involved and who is saying what. This story i really liked and it brought in my attention alot.You should keep writing storys because your really good at them.
2007-03-18 21:02:52 · answer #4 · answered by blonde_blue01 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
very nice way to build some tension and mystery...by all means...keep up the good work and finish that story...
2007-03-18 21:04:21 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A Question????? Nice writing though.
2007-03-18 20:58:48 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow very good, can't wait to read the rest
2007-03-18 20:59:46 · answer #7 · answered by R♥bin 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
very impressive. keep going. i can't wait to read more. a big star.
2007-03-18 21:03:36 · answer #8 · answered by cookie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah right....I didnt know this was pop quiz day...do you really expect some1 to read all that
2007-03-18 20:59:27 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Its really good....r u sure u're 12?
2007-03-18 21:02:06 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋