Do you think that baby showers should only be given to first time moms, and not for baby number 2 or 3 or more

Question

I feel that every baby is a celebration and the mother deserves a shower whether it's baby number 1 or baby number 5.
Some say that the mother has all the things they need for the new baby left over from the last baby. And that they shouldn't register for gifts. Not true especially if they are of different genders. And at the very least they need diapers and wipes. And generally finances are tighter the second, third, ect time around. Maybe not invite everyone you know, but inviting your close friends and family who would most likely buy you a gift regardless of a shower or not and who are happy for your new upcoming baby.

How do you feel about a baby shower for a women having her second, third, fourth, or more child?

I'm throwing my friend a shower who is having her second (a boy), her first (a girl) is 20 months

Answer 1

Okay the way I look at it is alot like you do..It`s a celebration about bringing a new life into this world, not about the gifts..My daughter was about to turn 11 when my son was born, so there for I had nothing left over from her...I was giving a shower and I got a few big things but most was diapers, bottles, clothes, toys, blankets, etc.. Who dosen`t need those things for each and every baby?? I am also caught up in this same dilemma because my son is 8 months old and I`m 20 weeks pregnant..I do not know the sex yet (sono on 23rd) but my best friend has already said she want`s to throw me a shower..So what am I going to do? For my first two showers I only invited family and close friends, not everybody I know... You will get alot of people that say it`s wrong but if you want to throw her one, I say go for it!! Who cares what other people think right?

Answer 2

As co-cl of the Etiquette Dilemmas board on ivillage, I've seen this question come a lot and there is a lot to be said on the subject. A second shower is only socially acceptable IF:

A) The baby is a different sex than the first baby

B) The children are spaced more than 5 years apart

C) You've moved or the people invited to the first baby shower are NOT invited to the second baby shower

I'm sorry, but saying that a shower is not about gifts is a little silly, a shower (whether it be bridal or baby) is about showering the guest of honor with love, praise and GIFTS! A shower is also the only time when a gift is expected. Showers should NOT be thrown by members of the guest of honor's family and especially not by the guest of honor, that's incredibly tacky! A close friend that VOLUNTEERS can throw the shower, but they shouldn't be asked either.

Also, I wanted to point out that registry information should NOT be included with the invitation. It can be provided, if requested, when the guest RSVPs, but it's a HUGE no-no to put it in with the invitation (one woman I know put it this way, it's like a reminder that you MUST bring a gift and it has to be from this list of items.)

It is not the duty of other people to provide the diapers and wipes for people having second, third, and fourth children. When couples make the decision to have another child, they should do so with the understanding that they may have to bear the financial burden by themselves.

Yes, every baby should be celebrated, but not with baby showers. You can have a meet the baby party after the baby is born, or a pamper the mama shower before the baby is born. Baby showers are to shower the expectant mother with gifts that will help them bear the financial burden of the first baby, or baby of the opposite gender. I see baby showers for women who are having their second, third, fourth, or more child that don't fall into these guidelines as "gimme gimme" events and I always RSVP no, it's just really tacky.

Answer 3

It used to be a rule of etiquette that showers were only thrown for the first baby. In those days, nobody registered for gifts and most gifts were small items like undershirts, diapers, and blankets. The parents, or their families, bought the nursery furniture and expensive items. Of course, no one should give themselves a shower. A friend who is not related is supposed to be the one to throw the shower. Showers weren't given until late in the pregnancy.

Things have changed a lot. I'm a great granny and I know things are different now. Still, I think it's greedy for someone to throw themselves a shower. I also question registering for expensive gifts unless you have rich friends. I would say register for moderately priced items, like onesies, and let the relatives know which expensive items you're hoping for. It's more reasonable for a grandparent or sibling to buy a more expensive item. Of course, if friends do want to spend more, they can ask the family what else the mom wants.

I can see having a shower if there's a great gap between births or if the next baby is of the opposite sex than the last. Still, keep it light, make it fun, and don't put excessive demands on friends.

Answer 4

I don't think there's anything wrong with it. Especially if the babies are a different gender or a few years apart. My son is 4 and my daughter is 6 months old, we pretty much needed everything but the furniture.

For someone having their 3rd or 4th, or if they have 2 of the same gender close together, maybe have a diaper shower or a book shower. Like you said, they're all going to need diapers!

Answer 5

I feel the same as you also but i feel like if it is the second or third child that usually they will have things left and if they have given away clothing then there should not be a problem with receiving hand me downs but no matter what child it is a baby shower should be given just after the first child ou should just be happy about getting something and not what you get. A baby shower is a celebration for having a child of god not for what you get so yes no matter what child a baby shower should be given

Answer 6

I think it's up to whomever is throwing the shower. A woman may have family, co-workers, friends, church members, ect...so different people can give her different showers. I've had 3 very different pregnancies: 1st a girl, then a boy, then twin girls! So even though they were close in age and I kept everything, I needed different things(double on the last pg!) I had so many showers, but still had to buy a few things on my own. A great thing to do for someone who has had one or two already, is to have a diaper shower. I don't care how many people buy, you never seem to get enough diapers or wipies! So regardless of how many children you have, it's always a celebration of the new arrival as much as it is helping to provide for them!

Answer 7

I think that giving a shower for a 2nd (or more) baby is a wonderful idea if the mom needs more stuff. As you said, only inviting close friends and family... those who would be giving gifts anyway (not under obligation). If a group of people want to shower their loved one with gifts... go for it!! Each baby is an added expense, and even if it is just a diaper shower that would be a big help.

Answer 8

I had a baby shower for my first boy. I then had a second boy and no shower. I am now on my third child (a girl) and i feel that I have pretty much everything I need from my first. High chair, strollers, playpen, etc.....I will not have another shower and I feel one shower per mom is enough! I know that my family and close friends will visit me in the hospital and they will bring gifts there or to my home. I feel this is enough, especially with the tight budget everyone has today!

Answer 9

My sister threw me a rather large family shower for my first baby...she was the baby's godmother.

I would have loved a baby shower for my 2nd child, who was born 5+ years after my first, same sex (we didn't know the sex until baby was born). I intended to have a "meet the baby" after the baby was born, because I wanted there to be a photo page in baby #2's photo album. Unfortunately, it didn't work out that way.

My coworkers threw me a shower for baby #2 and it was a very small one-but nice to have.

I do disagree with baby showers for siblings less than 5 years separation, regardless of gender. But, just because a couple waits maybe 10 years in between babies, doesn't mean that they should automatically be given a shower. My attendance at that shower would depend upon the circumstances of the pregnancy/family.

Answer 10

I don't think that people should feel pressured to throw a baby shower, or to attend a baby shower of a second-time mother, but if they do, that's nice. I know in our church, we have a LOT of babies. And they keep coming. I try to buy gifts for the showers when I can, ( I usually can't attend because of my work schedule) but I am also on a very limited budget.