Unwilling to go out on your own?

Question

I find it very difficult to go out without company. There are many things I want to do-shopping for instance-but I'm reluctant to face people on my own. I don't know, I feel exposed to their hostility and criticism. I do realise that I'm missing too much but I don't have the courage to change. I'm already seeing a therapist and I AM aware that the more out I get the less uncomfortable I'll feel but I just can't do it. Any suggestions?

Answer 1

take it in steps - you could go with a good friend and go in to a shop on your own then maybe go to your local shop alone and buy a paper or something, then the supermarket at a time it won't be busy (24 hr shopping is useful) - do it in stages, choose what you'll be most comfortable with first and stick with that for a bit before making yourself take the next step.

don't be hard on yourself, hopefully you'll realise that the hosility and criticism isn't acutally there and you'll be able to do whatever you want to xxx

Answer 2

Dear Maggie,this is a very unfortunate problem but with persistance you will overcome it.
You have already made steps to confront your problems which is a very good thing.
All you can do is keep pushing on in your quest to go out on a normal basis.
Try to make small short journeys,like to a small local shop etc,do this often.
Then slowly make your time out a little longer,say in 5 minute stages.
Don't try to hard to soon as you will feel uncomfortable,and will be reluctant to continue with your quest.
Lots of small journeys and very regular is what you are aiming for,don't try long journeys that are once in a while.
Work your way up to what you wish for slowly,rushing will only keep you from getting there.
I wish you all the best and lots of luck.

Like the rabbit and the tortoise its not always the one who rushes that gets to there goal first.

Answer 3

I get this sometimes - social anxiety. I feel panicky, light headed or "spacey", heart racing, scared I will be sick or faint - all the usual signs of anxiety. I do not want to take medication for this as it is very common indeed. Go out on your own on a day when you feel confident and good. Try to imagine yourself as being very confident and self assured. If you feel panicky - face it head on, take a deep breath and ask yourself, "what is the worse thing that can happen to me" - you will soon realise nothing will. I have had anxiety for about four years - nothing has actually happened to me - it is the fear that it will. I get it a lot at the hairdressers - i.e. when I am not in control - when I can't get up and walk out. I think I am scared of losing control. You are doing the right thing by seeing a counsellor - I just accept that I have good days and bad days - you are not alone - most of my friends get this!

Answer 4

This depends on whether you work or not, if you do, you probably feel like you have to pull yourself together and get to work, which is a great start. If you don't work then maybe a good friend can help, go into town together,then spend some time on your own knowing you are going to meet up for a coffee in say 30 mins or an hour. While you are spending this time on your own, give yourself a mission, something you need to buy, then in time you should be able to just wander round for an hour until you rejoin your friend for a coffee. Good luck xxx

Answer 5

I went through a similar phase 2 years ago and it was all related to stress. I am used to standing up training or presenting to 30 members of staff at a time, all different leves, and then suddenly, I found it un-nerving even going into a supermarket. It felt at times that people were looking at me and judging me, even though they were really just looking at the 'due by date' on a loaf of bread!

I took St Johns Wart and like others have said, started doing little things first. After about a month my confidence started coming back and now I feel confident in almost all situations again.

Answer 6

Try to go with a friend at first but then leave her and go into a store alone. Then meet her back after a few minutes. Maybe this would be a start. Try going in small doses at a time. Eventually you should work your way up to going it alone. Do it for yourself. Most people are so busy with what they are doing that they don't even notice the people around them. Good luck.

Answer 7

I am in the same boat as you- and I live in London uk- billions of going out places, shame I haven't got the nerve...

My mate advised me to try internet chat rooms to make friends as I have such an issue with nit going out with someone as a result of how I look or they want to bed me - all my girly pals have either partners, families, or are like 16 or 17. I am 25. (I work in retail hence the age gap)

I am looking for reputable chat rooms but not having much luck as none of them I tried seem to be very welcoming I ask a question or introduce myself and am completly ignored, same if I offer any help or suggestions.

Here is my half was attempt at not being forever lonely- I can help others out at least.

am going to keep n trying chat rooms and see how far I get before it drives me insane.

Answer 8

step by step, don't do something huge the first time like going to the biggest mall, try going to smaller shops with less people over shorter periods of time and try and improve from there

Answer 9

humm, i dont think u have a serious problem, u just seem realy social. Alot of people are probably like that, i know i am. I hate going to social places by myslef.

Answer 10

if you have a problem doesn't matter how serious it is the fact is you need some help gp's can be brilliant.