My husband is 8 years older than me and I'm 25. We've been married for 4 and a half years. I had a son from a prior engagment and we have a little girl together. His mother still takes care of our finances and they have an account together, because he was in a car accident about 15 years ago. He goes to her for everything and keeps things from me and lies sometimes to me, and says it's for my own good like I'm some kind of child. He knows how bad it bothers me and we'll fight about it and he says he won't do it anymore but he still does. I feel like I can't take care of him like his mother can because I can't do a good enough job, like she can. They make decisions without me that should be made only between my husband and I. My biggest fear is hurting the kids by leaving because he is a great guy and an awesome dad, but he just don't listen to me. Any suggestion? Please help!!!
2007-03-18 12:49:58 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
that is some situation you got yourself into.......short of telling him there's not much you can do about it.......good grief; I wouldn't put up with it for a second, no matter how great a guy is is; he is a TERRIBLE husband
2007-03-18 12:54:15 · answer #1 · answered by abc 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ask him if he wants to stay with his Mom the rest of his life or live up to the vows he took with you.
Tell him guys that cling to their mother whether it be financially or physically are not being a husband. Tell him he has 2 choices go to counseling and take over the finances and to sort this out within 6 months or your moving out.
You have rights to your son but not your daughter so I would advise if he even acts like he is going to run to mama with the news you talk to a house for abused women so you can escape from him in a heartbeat.
Then you can work through a lawyer. But he sounds like a guy that would try to make you out to be an unfit mother and then you will have more hurt than you have now!
You have to be very cautious and make sure you have an escape plan before you confront him. Money talks very loud in a court room you could lose everything including your girl.
2007-03-18 13:04:28 · answer #2 · answered by Tapestry6 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd say go to his mother, straight to the source, and tell her that this is really bothering you, and you don't think you can continue in your marriage with her son as long as this is going on. Your absolutely correct, decisions like this, that affect a married couple and children, should only be discussed between the couple, no matter what it is. It's okay to discuss certain things with family members, but the ultimate decision and talking should be done between Man & Wife. If that doesn't help, give him a stern talking and say "Hey, I'm sick of this. You have more trust and respect in this category for your mother, then your own wife. I'm sick of you lying to me & you making promises you can't keep. Either stop or I'll have to move on." As for the children being involved, thats always hard. do whatever you think is best for them. Just because a marriage fails, doesn't mean he can't still be that wonderful father to his kids.
2007-03-18 13:00:20 · answer #3 · answered by invisiblekisses2000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This does not sound like a good situation for you. Go to your husband and tell him you need him to separate finances from his mother. Tell him you are both married adults and should handle your own affairs together with no outside involvement from his mom. If he does not respond in a way that you want, I would highly consider leaving him.
If it gets to the point that you want to leave, I would HIGHLY ADVISE that you consult an attorney prior to actually letting your husband know. The fact that you and your husband's finances are co-mingled with his mother's (because of he and his mom having an account together) could make things very difficult for you.
2007-03-18 13:15:02 · answer #4 · answered by Just Me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell him to grow up or your leaving him. That is pathetic for a grown man to act like that. The kids will be fine either way. Its always good to have the original parents together, but come on. you have to be happy too. you know? If you're not happy too then the kids will sense this and be miserable too.
2007-03-18 13:03:18 · answer #5 · answered by engineer46526 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like he is more interested in remaining a mama's boy than being a real husband and father. What does his mother have to say about your complaints? She should realize her roles as a mother, grandmother, and mother-in-law and choose to act in those roles only. Mothers-in-law weren't meant to be family bankers unless it was by mutual agreement. He isn't respecting you as his life partner either. I would be GONE!
2007-03-18 14:44:12 · answer #6 · answered by Special K 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must have known this before you got married and it was ok for you then. If not, then you should've taken more time to get to know him before marrying.
Tell him how you feel and agree together to set some boundaries for the mother-in-laws interference and have some consequences if he doesn't follow thru.
2007-03-18 13:02:20 · answer #7 · answered by mrs1101 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that you can't take the current situation any more..
You love him and want to stay married but unless he can
make some changes, you fear divorce will come soon..
2007-03-18 13:15:02 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go directly to his mother, and assert your position as his wife. Keep doing that until she finally gets that you mean business. She may think you are too young to figure things out. But she needs to learn her place, and your husband needs to realize where he gets his bread buttered!
2007-03-18 12:59:08 · answer #9 · answered by Vegas 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes divorce is not easy on anyone concerned, but you had to date this guy and see what was going on... and if while you were engaged and didnt get this issue resolved its never going to stop ...... but its also not healthy to have your kids see this going on because as they grow up and see him not respecting you, and such they will think its ok for them too to disrespect you as well or know if they want there way going to daddy will get them what they want because its not a united front and its important to have equal input on things and your definitely not going to get that.... good luck
2007-03-18 13:12:19 · answer #10 · answered by Renee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Divorce.
2007-03-21 10:03:27 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋