How can I tell if my husband of 15 years is gay or bisexual and refuses to admit it to himself much less me?

Question

My husband is really not "into" me any more. Sex life is only if I initiate and even then it is really quick. He sometimes has the ole ed problem, too. He is NEVER affectionate, we rarely kiss each other, he has the husbandly shell, but does he really enjoy anything I do or is really into me, I say no.
I caught him on a gay site about 2 years ago and as far as I know, he hasn't been on it.
I know men that are actually into women show some form of testerone, as in "get naked" and ready for sex, but my husband has never displayed a desire for me and I am no dog. Not to sound stuck up or anything but I am cute, not really overweight, I have always been told I am gorgeous by other people. I just don't think my husband notices me at all.
I have had men show interest in me, but my husband does not demonstrate this same "testerone" at all.
He likes nice clothes, decorate, candles, bubble bath, etc. He is always afraid someone will see him looking bad. Is he gay but too afraid to admit

Answer 1

yep GAY!..sorry to be the bearer of bad news but time for a trade in, your old model has factory defects..i know if your straight, Gay sites hold absolutely no appeal, not even curiousity will take you there and bubble baths out of the question..and i also know if your straight, and you have a lovely wife, you gotta pounce on her as often as she will let ya~so u do the math~

Answer 2

Oh wow, sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but it does sound like hes gay. Could be and couldn't be. Either A) he's seeing another woman, and is trying to make you think he's these things so you won't think hes with another woman, or B) he's gay. I got married to a man that I dated for 2 years, after we got married, he had no interest in me at all. I would lay completely naked on the bed, and he would continue what he was doing, paying me no mind. Like you, I found a bunch of gay sites on our computer at the time, along with a yahoo account he had created, that only had gay men added to it, read his archive and oh boy was i shocked, then 2 days before we got seperated, I caught him in bed with a man. So heres some advice, if you want it to work, sit him down, and no matter how much he doesnt want to talk about, say hey, your not taking care of me sexually and im tired of being the only one initiating anything around here, and its sorry that i get more looks and comments from other men then my own husband, see if that works, or try the more serious approach, that most married women do NOT want to normally use, make a demand saying I want to know if your GAY or Bi-Sexual, I need to know, we need to work on our marriage. Hope that helps.

Answer 3

That doesn't make him gay, you silly! After 15 years, he's probably just so used to you, that he's; blah boring same old same old..I think you should make it your mission to shock the socks right off of that husband of yours! Make him notice you! Come on, girlfriend, use your imagination; leave no stone unturned..and if you think he's into "gay" stuff, make him your little bioch-heehee. Go get some naughties from the adult store, and enjoy your marriage bed again. Or marriage yard, counter,,whatever.. Dont get your feelings hurt, that he's not all over you, take it as a challenge! Catching him on one gay site 2 years ago doesnt make him gay, havent you ever looked out of curiosity? I have. So does that make me gay? Nope. Just human. If you tell him you think he's gay, that is going to not be a pretty thing. That is going to plant that in his head.Boy, I would not want to tell my hunny that, he'd never forgive me, not to mention demasuclinating him. That's definetly not the way to turn him back on to you. Put that ugly little thought out of your head, so you can find out what the real issue is. Lots of guys have a desire to look nice, that's a good thing, doesnt make him gay. Treat him the way you want to be treated, he'll pick up on it. Seriously, say the things and do the things, you wish he'd say and do to you. It works.

Answer 4

My "Gaydar" went off half way through your post. What now? Hope you two don't have children! Since I'm basically homophobic I don't have any idea what your next step should be. I mean wow! Bummer! I think that I would walk right up to him and say "I know you're gay, so what are we going to do about it?" If he is then he will probably pack up and leave to his boyfriends house right away. If I'm wrong and he's straight and just very feminine then I pretty much guarantee he will start acting more manly right away. That is after the shock has subsided. I mean what do you have to lose?

Answer 5

No he doesn't have to be, why not try talking to him about your sex life ask him why he never initiates don't tell him you think hes gay or you may turn him away from you. Ask him whats hes most erotic fantasy and if possible make it happen for him. If you still get nowhere well maybe he is just don't jump to conclusions just because of his interests.

Answer 6

If you ever watched Xfiles Fox Mulder took a bubble bath when they went to Hollywood. Guys take bubble baths cause they can.. everyone likes bubbles ;-)
Try counselling you sound a bit egotistical maybe you just intimidate the poor guy. Depending on your age he could be just slowing down. it does happen to everyone eventually. He also could have a medical problem has he had a check up lately? especially for prostate cancer..

Answer 7

Interesting, I have just the opposite problem. However years ago, I had no sex drive, went to an MD and they found my testerone levels way down. Got it fixed. Horny as ...., but wife as no interest:(

Answer 8

If you have been married for 15 years, then you should be able to talk to him. Tell him of your feelings of his 'lack of interest' toward you. Have an open mind and ask him what he wants to talk about because you need to talk and you need him to be open. if he refuses to talk, straight out ask him "do you think you are gay? Because I suspect you are."
That will initiate something I would hope.
Good luck with that. I have heard this one more than one occasion. Sad for everyone.

Answer 9

Sounds like his door swings both ways. Maybe you turned him gay. who knows!

Answer 10

Maybe!... aww, maybe you two need to see a counsellor together. He may be going through a mid-life crisis.