What's wrong with me?

Question

I have weird emotions...sometimes I like my boyfriend and enjoy being with him, sometimes I don't (especially when he's not around). When we meet I usually go back to normal and start enjoying being with him, even though I'm not in love with him( I just feel a deep affection). Sometimes I miss being in love and I get angry about it (why am i not in love while others are, why can't I experience it? This makes me really upset.), sometimes I just feel okay in my comfortable relationship. I wouldn't take the first step to have sex, I usually don't feel like it(he's too pushy), but when I accept it it's good or at least okay.
Am I normal? When we broke up, I went back to him because I missed him so much. But then everything was the same, just like before the break up - that big feeling just went away.
What do you think?

I've been with him for around half a year when I met a guy from a foreign country. Nothing happened between us, just emotions...we kept in touch for months. After a while my bf couldn't put up with it any more, he said i was involved emotionally with this guy too much (he was right). I never had the courage to leave my bf. So he left me. Then I missed him and went back to him, I don't keep in touch with the other guy any more. I never have enough courage. My family loves him and my friends too, everyone keeps telling me how I should feel and what I should do to be nice to him, because he's really nice, he does everything he can for me. But whatever he does, he's just not what I want. I feel good when I'm with him, I couldn't ask for a better guy, but sometimes this bad feeling comes over me when I just want to leave him behind... He's my first long term relationship btw.

Answer 1

You need to break up with this guy for your own sake and his. You are not abnormal, you only have emotional problems. But do yourself a favor and follow your feelings, your TRUE feelings. And, from all you say, those are that you are not in love with this guy. Yes, you will feel very lonely and helpless, and this seems to be the emotional problem you have. Not beeing able to deal with "abandonement" because you feel you cannot make it on your own. Feeling like a lost soul. That is called co-dependency. But it is NOT going to get any better if you stay with him. You will only waste very precious time and feel worse. You might end up trully hating him and loosing all respect for yourself and hurting eachother even more. It is not worth it, believe me.
You will feel terrible after the break up, and feel tempted to go back, but don't. It is a trap. No matter how much pain you feel in that moment you should remain true to yourself. Whatever it takes. If you have to be crying for a month thinking you are gonna die, then that is what you HAVE to go through. Slowly you will start feeling better about your decision and will feel happier that you are following your heart. You will feel despair because your problem relies on not having have learned to listen to yourself and follow your own true will. On being subjected to other people's will. But this is the only way you have left to learn, since obviously your parents who were the ones to teach you to follow your heart and give you confidence seem to have failed in doing so (if they would have thought you this, you wouldn't feel this very unhealthy impulses now). It is just the hard way of learning things, but you have to do it if you want to heal and be happy and avoid more damage to your soul. Remember, it is a trap (it seems comfortable, as you say, but what comes later is only self-destruction and trust me, it will tear you appart). Deep inside, very deep inside, you know exactly what you want. You just need to learn to listen to that voice and believe in it.

Answer 2

Ok, this is a common situation. When in sight it feels right, but when gone it feels wrong. Generally, we like being around people for a variety of reason, but the one reason that is universal is because they make us feel good.

Now, I remember a while back, I loved being around this one girl. She was nice, funny, and absolutely knock-your-socks-off stunning. I loved being around her. Looking back at things, I almost feel like I was driving some overpriced sports car. All form and no function... I loved being with her because of the image and the way that made me feel.

When I was without her, I didn't feel the same. She didn't stimulate me mentally. She didn't make me feel like a prince. To her I wasn't Mr. Perfect. Looking back, I can see why things didn't work out. I was looking for a trophy, not a connection...

Look for someone who values you like a princess...The value of possessions pales in comparison to value of yourself. You deserve to be treated great!

Good luck =)

Answer 3

You need to just leave him and move on. I've felt that way so many times, you need to just get out and find someone you can feel affection for all the time, you don't like HIM you just like the attention he gives when he's around..thats why you only really like him when he's around.

Answer 4

yeah me too... I would give you an advice to let him go and find someone else, though i dont have the courage to do it myself. How long have you been with him?


PS::: I sent you a message on yahoo mail..reply if u can pls =)

Answer 5

I know how you feel and you obviously care about him but its probably not true love...be patient and you'll find it eventually. good luck!