He has been telling me how dissatisfied he is with his marriage -- and is thinking about leaving his wife. He and I have spending more time together...but just as friends...Yesterday, we spent 5 hours together and today, he came over my apartment to help me set my tv up. So, am I naive to think we are just friends...or is it possible that even though we're just spending time together, he might be interested in me romantically?
2007-03-18 11:55:32 · 35 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Now, he has been in marital counseling, and I have tried to suggest things that would get him and his wife back together. He says he knows they can't continue their marriage and the relationship is at its end. That being said, does that change anything?
2007-03-20 13:55:24 · update #1
LOL.....fooled by the old, "my wife doesn't understand me" game??? That game is as old as time.....do yourself a favor, and show him where the door is.....he needs to go home to his WIFE!
2007-03-18 12:43:38 · answer #1 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you are being naive. If he is dissatisfied with his marriage then he needs to resolve that first - spending more time with his wife to see if there can be any resolution to their problem. Once that is resolved either way can he or you think whether it is friendship or something else.
Right now, by spending time with you he is in a way pushing the onus on you. Like - if your relationship progresses beyond friendship now, he has an additional string ready for him when (if) he breaks up with his wife. And you are helping him take the easy way out.
If is even a little responsible he wouldn't do this. And would be a person woth asking that question about. Rightnow? No. You would be better off keeping the time you spend with him less. Setting up a tv doesn't need rocket scientist brain. You can do such things yourself. So don't let him use such excuses to drag you into being the last straw on the camel of his marriage.
2007-03-24 17:20:20 · answer #2 · answered by vkaapai 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I really think you are being naive in this situation. Does his wife know about you and that he is your friend? Ask him if he has told his wife about his frienship with you. You may be hindering his marriage by being with him so much and i do think he has more in mind than just friendship with you. Start not being around him so much and only see him in public places not alone at your apartment or anywhere else as this could lead to temptation for both of you and to something you will regret. Do you really want to be the cause of breaking up of his marriage and hurting his wife? How do you feel about him? Are you wanting to just be his friend or in the back of your mind are you hoping for more? Make sure you only want to be just friends with him and do what is right and honorable in this relationship. Was he unhappy and unsatisfied with his wife when you first met him and became friends or did this happen afterwards. you really need to encourage him to work on his marriage with his wife and that the need marriage counseling.
2007-03-18 12:11:25 · answer #3 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would have said "yes" it is possible for you to be just friends, if not for the statement that he's been telling you how dissatisfied he is with his marriage. In spending so much time with you, he is obviously getting something out of your relationship that he is not getting out of his marriage. In choosing to nurture and confide such things in a friendship with a woman versus one of his male friends, it is apparent to me that he is laying to groundwork for this friendship to become either an affair or a safety net (a place to go and someone to go to when he leaves his wife). The question you must answer is, do you really want to be either of those people?
It is the recipe for disaster no matter how you slice it. If you reject his impending romantic advances, you will lose the friendship. If you go along with it and a relationship ensues, you will either be a doomed rebound girlfriend, or end up in a long term relationship with someone you can never trust. If he can do this to his current wife, he can certainly do it to his next.
I'm sorry to say that I think you have already set yourself up for a heartbreak either way. This is not a healthy friendship.
2007-03-25 07:29:39 · answer #4 · answered by adollorthreeninetyfive 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Contrary to popular belief; there is such a thing as a platonic relationship between a man and a woman! Why other people have to keep insinuating different is beyond me. I am 61 years old and have had several male friends, especially when I was younger and I sure as hell did not jump into bed with any of them. A friend is an important thing to have, be they male or female. Until you see signs that say otherwise, treat him as a friend. Better yet, make the statement to him along the lines that you value his friendship and you are glad to offer advice when asked. Good luck and God bless
2007-03-26 04:34:42 · answer #5 · answered by gmabell 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh come on. You've go to be kidding. Of course he's got intentions. He's telling you about how awful his marriage. The old "My wife doesn't understand me........" story. You can't be best friends with a married man since being best friends is a mutual kind of feeling/relationship. A married man's best friend is supposed to be his wife. What is the wife to you? How does she view this relationship. I'd wake up and stop getting in the way of this marriage.
2007-03-18 12:28:28 · answer #6 · answered by bigdaddy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps a better question... Are you interested in him romantically? My sense is that you are, in which case I'd like to suggest that you put distance between you, or make sure that there's always a third person with you when you are together. I'm one of those people who still believe in the sanctity of marriage, and until their marriage is officially over, he shouldn't be "stepping out" with anyone. Also, you gotta look out for yourself. How many horror stories have we heard... "He said he was leaving her" (and never did), or some unsuspecting woman being sued for alienation of affection. Protect yourself from heartache.
With respect to the additional info... No, it doesn't make a difference in my eyes. You still gotta protect yourself until ALL the dust settles. I like the suggestion about lunching with the wife, if you have that kind of relationship. Don't be surprised if her version of things does not match his.
2007-03-18 12:12:07 · answer #7 · answered by miz_booty 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds as though he may be unhappy and looking for someone to jump to before it is over.....Being friends and I mean only friends with anyone is not wrong....but make sure you do not allow yourself to be used by him. He may be looking for a friend...so let him know that there will be nothing more than friendship until there are divorce papers signed by a judge...then and only then would you even consider anything more than friendship. I hope you do not lose a friendship over it but you may watch the time spent together start to twindle to eventually no time at all.
2007-03-24 15:25:29 · answer #8 · answered by Dennis J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have read what others have written, and I must say I agree with the majority----NO, you cannot be "just friends" with another woman's husband!!
YES, you are being naive and yes, you will get in trouble.
Either you stop seeing him- (sounds to me like you won't) -or you continue with this charade.
Eventually, you will fall into bed with him and THEN things will get creepy when he doesn't leave his wife and you feel like he tricked you.
IF he really wants out of his marriage, then he will do it.
WHEN - and IF- he does, then he's free to see you and things will be different. But right now, you are playing with fire and sooner or later you will get burned.
Sorry....
2007-03-22 16:29:08 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bottom line: are you attracted to him? That tells whether or not you are truly 'just friends'.. Don't worry about what he is thinking--it's what you are thinking that counts right now. Of course it is possible he is interested in you romantically. Any man who spends that much time with a woman most likely enjoys her company. Are you ready to be romantic with him? Or is he a "nice person but you wouldn't want to live there?" Plan ahead so when you suddenly find yourself in a warm embrace that you may or may not welcome (only you know the answer to that) you'll be ready to politely extricate yourself and not hurt the feelings of your "best friend"...
2007-03-18 13:21:59 · answer #10 · answered by Lifestooshort 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that he is using you to get out of his marriage and what he needs to do instead of spending all that time with you he needs to be at home with his wife trying to make things work. He thinks that if he tells you all this stuff then you will feel sorry for him and then he can make his move on you.
2007-03-23 05:09:31 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋