How do you keep a friendship going?

Question

I have been friends with my best friend for 14 years. The last 8 have been on and off again. We don't argue or disagree often. She is bipolar, and when she is up, she is way up. When she is down, she is way down. She rarely calls, or emails. I am always initiating the calls and conversations. When I tell her the friendship feels one sided, she says she is sorry and will try harder, but nothing changes. Most of the time, she doesn't even return my calls for weeks or even months!!! She also says I am not supportive of her condition. What else do I do? I think by standing by her, and being there for her shows my support. I love her dearly, but I feel like I am holding on to nothing at this point.

She is a great person, and we used to have loads of fun together even if it were just talking on the phone. We have lived in different states for the last 5 years, but when I go home to visit, we go to lunch and that is it, and it is often a quiet meal until I drop her off at home

Answer 1

Seeing as how you have been trying for eight years to keep things together and spent six years with your friend, I can tell that you really want to keep this person in your life.

Bipolar disorder is a difficult disorder for both the diagnosed individual and the other people involved with that person. There's a lot going on internally for your friend that she may have trouble processing. Seeing that she's on extremes at on both sides of the "pole", things will be even more challenging.

It might be that when she's up, she's trying to hold on to that "good" feeling for as long as she can because she knows that when she goes down, it won't be pretty. She may not realize that she is being destructive.

I suggest that you go to a bookstore or shop online and read about bipolar disorder or lookup bipolar disorder on some websites. You're not alone in feeling this way, and finding support for you (as well as your friend) will help you feel better.

Answer 2

First of all great job for holding up for the past 14yrs. I'm sure it is really hard to do that. But it looks to me that u reallly care for ur friend, not that many people would have hung in like u did. I think u should keep on holding on. Maybe u guys could try to find a day each week were u jus hang out and not worry about her condition or whose called more than the other , Talk to her, tell her you are very supportive and that u are hurt she doesn't keep in touch. bcoz u do care and that u want to hang out. if u can maybe u guys can go for counseling , im sure the're programs that can help those dealing with it and family and friends who are standing by those dealing with it. so all the best and hope u guys will strengthen your relationship. all the best

Answer 3

you have told your friend that the friendship is "one-sided" but have you told her how you feel? Perhaps she doesn't realize you miss the friendship or how much you depend on her presence in your life? -- you didnt' mention it in your question, just thought i'd ask.

i have bipolar disorder, too, just so you know. i don't depend on friends i rarely keep in touch with to be supportive. and i don't neglect good friends.

it doesn't seem like there is a lot more you CAN do. i'm really sorry, because it seems as if you feel you've lost quite a valued friend.

you don't have to contact her all of the time, or even feel guilty about it. if you have the urge to get in touch once in a while, do so... otherwise, i'm sure you have other, good friends to do things with and for support. at least i hope you do.. you seem like a very nice person!

take care.

Answer 4

Well you know what the boundaries are and of course she has to first recognize what she wants...theres only so much you can do individual you keep going forward and she'll be around when she's ready just give her time.

i can't always be there for my friends because we live in 2 different states however when we do get together we have loads of fun and their support is more than enough we we do talk so I can understand

Answer 5

Well you sound like you are being a good friend. If I were in your situation I would call and tell her "Listen I've been thinking to myself and I'm sorry to do this to you, but like I told you before I feel like this is a one sided relationship and it always stays like that. You tell me your going to change and you never do. This is the last time I try to make contact with you if you wanna talk to me you call me and try to get in touch with me". And then don't call her anymore maybe she'll get a clue and start calling you.

Answer 6

Welcome to my world. My best friend is also bipolar and wow, i mean he is never there when i need him and has no idea how good a friend i really am, still i cannot turn my back on him because of all the good times we have shared. I just call him to check in once a week and dsonèt really count on him for anything. it is a horrible situation and it he unintentionally hurts me time and time again, but i have to understand that its not his intention and he is a good person, bipolar or not.

Answer 7

i have been friends with my best and we do like go out to drink and have fun you chould let her know if she has any thing on her mind if she want's to go out i go out with my bes to the mall and the moives and i go over her house we see tv and talk to each other a lot to we talk on the phone too and on the internet too we always hang out together too we talk about boys on the phone we do any thing like right now i miss talking to my friend i love my friend a lot she return my phone calls too

Answer 8

hun just dont ever give up on her, she'll need a real friend for her life!

Answer 9

BE WHO YOU R...........DONT LET OTHERS ACTIONS CHANGE YOU....MAYBE THERE IS A REASON FOR HER ACTIONS....TALK TO HER MORE ABOUT WHAT'S BOTHERING YOU