i know this woman and she gets beaten up by her boyfriend quite alot?

Question

why the heck does she stay with him

i dont know her but she lives near me i think she is a bit of a trouble maker i just cant understand why shes with him she has 2 kids aswell the police dont do anything because they have been called out many times

i hope you dont think its me getting the beating because i would kick hiss ***

Answer 1

okay this is a good question. but i know the answer. my mother stayed with an abusive man also. she stayed with him because she was scared if she left he would hurt us.she also belived she should be treated this way. she also loved him more than any thing. this could be why she stays with him still.

Answer 2

As sick as it sounds sometimes it is a weird mutual sort of thing. I remember when I managed a bar in a seedy neighborhood there were a few couples like this. The guy was a total bully and would often beat up his girlfriend. But many of these events were played out in front of me (I was there 6 nights a week). Often the guy would be getting along fine and the woman would just keep pushing his buttons. I mean this was a woman who had been beaten many times by the same man and here she is pushing his buttons over and over. Eveyone in the bar knew it was coming and nothing you could do would stop her from keeping it up.

Sure enough he would go off and everyone would jump in to try to stop them. I would throw them out and later they would show up home and he would beat her silly.

But then they would have what I called a honeymoon period. He would be full of remorse and would buy her flowers and swear to never do it again and they would be all lovey dovey for a while. That is when I realized the sick dynamic of it. She would incite a beating just to get this honeymoon period.

Sick, sick, sick both of them not just one.


.

Answer 3

To put it simply....she believes she deserves it. She believes that he beats her because shes done something wrong and that he loves her. Its very strange to people looking on, simply because they love themselves and know what healthy love is all about. This woman does not have a lot of self esteem, she is confused about love. I dont understand it either, but having worked with victims of domestic violence, what I just said is true, then it gets to a point where the abuse becomes so bad that they are frightened to leave because the abuser has probably threated to kill her if she leaves...maybe even kill the kids.....and the sad truth is, that it does happen.....Lots of women lose their lives in a domestic violence situation. The abuser needs to have total control. An abuser will usually always take the victim away from friends and family so as he can have that control.....He usually keeps her away from influences that may influence her.

She has to get out because she could very easily be a statistic herself. How to do it? I honestly don't know because so many women stay in an abusive relationship for all the reasons I suggested above. She has got to want to get out, thats the first step. This man has total control over her, and until she gains the strength to say enough is enough, there is not a lot you can do. If I were you, I would ring a domestic violence shelter and talk to one of the counsellors there and they can tell you the best way to handle this situation. Your friend needs a lot of support, but unless she admits there is a problem and asks for help, as hard as it is, you cant do anything.....You could ring the Police, you could have him arrested, but the bottom line is, she will go back to him....she will support him and you will lose her friendship....then who will she have to turn to when she realises you were right? She will alleniate anyone who tries to act in her best interests and if that happens it will be even harder for her to leave the abusive relationship because her support system has gone.

The best thing you can do is to tell her that she doesnt deserve the abuse and keep on re-inforcing this to her. Tell her that a man does not hit his women for ANY reason and the abuser only wants control, and control IS NOT love. Re-inforcement and support is about all you can do right now. Just tell her, that when she comes to her senses, she has a place to go. Ring the Domestic Violence shelter first...find out your options. But at the moment, just let her know you will be there for her when she needs you.

Its terrible to stand by and know that this is happening, but like I said, until she realises that how she is being treated is totally unacceptable, then all you can offer her is her support.

I wish you well.

Answer 4

Sounds like she could use a friend. Women in these situations are just like you & I. But maybe along the way, the guy lowered her self-esteem, or maybe there are other things going on in her life that she can't deal with just yet. It takes courage to get through these types of situations in life & sometimes having a good friend gives us all the strength we need!!! I don't advise you to be straight-forward when talking to her, bring up a subject about work or something that is just as neutral. Believe you me, she'll be grateful for the positive attention. I haven't been in that type of an abusive relationship, but I've had my share of it!!!

Go Ahead, Make a Positive Impact!!!

Answer 5

Been there done that. I was with my boyfriend for over two years. Everyday we beat up each other. The more I fought the more i got. Please help her!!! atleast contact a social service, or police. If you are a good person, you would do anything to help another human being. Be a good neighbor and report this to the authorities. It's hard leaving someone, I know, been there in that road.

Answer 6

You know my best friend was in the same situation she never wanted to leave she always thought things were going to jsut get better. If you think its worth a try really try to seek help at your local church or counselor. As soon as my friend was able to look outside of the box she was living in she didnt want back in!!! And it was hard to believe that she would stay away but she did!! All it took was that extra push of taking her to church counselor. Shes happily married now and I know im cherished in her life. Thats What Real Friends aRe for!!

Answer 7

There are many psychological reasons why she stays... but do all you can to encourage her to leave. Tell her she deserves so much better, and provide her with the info from the county social services department... they will have counseling and a shelter available for her. Don't wait... the abuse will only get worse.

Answer 8

People always say that the women is stupid for staying with the man that beats you and I beleive that too. But some women have that love that they can't and don't want to be alone. Try to help her. She'll eventually leave him.

Answer 9

because she feels trapped. ur best bet is to take her down to the police station and report him. she can get a restraining order to keep him away from her. she needs to file assault charges on him. a man beating a woman is NEVER right, and u need to tell her that. u need to stir up the anger inside of her, so that she will grow some strength and a backbone to leave his stupidass.

good luck.

Answer 10

may be she is scared to leave him. my friend was like that! tell someone that you trust. or go to the police! they will help you. or go the the guys house and beat his ***! I would do that but you may not be so don't take that advice. lol jk but seriously tell someone or she can get seriouly hurt!