Why do i still find sex painful?

Question

Hi, i was just wondering if this was normal; after having sex for about a year now, i still find sex painful. Especially when he enters me. I havent got a STI as we are both each others first. Im on the pill and we occasionally use condoms. Is it normal to still hurt???? No nasty comments please.

Answer 1

There is no such thing as normal - why do you believe painful sex could be normal?

When it comes to sex far too women consider it 'normal' to experience pain the first few times – truth is whether it is the first time or the millionth it should not hurt but instead be pleasurable. Pain is your body's way of telling you that something is wrong and there is no reason to keep putting yourself through pain. The idea of sex being painful the first few times is pure myth and if you are willing to endure pain during sex then perhaps it is not the best idea that you are sexually active.

There are a few things that commonly cause pain during penetrative sex, the most obvious being lack of arousal – during sex your vagina doubles in size, the muscles relax and the walls of the vagina produce lubrication. If there is not enough sex prior to penetration it means the above mentioned things do not occur and as such penetration can be painful. Women and men are made differently, only 30% of women orgasm from penetrative sex, so ideally you should have sex [foreplay] before penetration, ideally to the point of orgasm, prior to penetrative sex to insure you are fully aroused.

If it has been going on for so long then there is something wrong, a lot of women experience something known as Vaginismus, where vaginal muscles do not relax, as well as other sexual problems. For most women this is a mental problem, often the result of hang-ups about sex or issues from their past where sexual abuse may have been experienced. There are also physical reasons for painful sex, not just STD's but also spasms within the vagina that make penetration difficult.

Whatever the cause you need to stop putting yourself through this pain and find out the cause of your pain during sex, it may just be a case of mental associations between sex and a negative experience, but it may be something more serious physical such as perhaps as someone has mentioned endometriosis.

Also a very important point is that just because you are each others first partners does not mean that you are both free from STD's by any stretch of the imagination - be responsible, always use protection! I would suggest you get yourself checked for STD's because STD's can lead to pelvic inflammatory disease that can cause painful penetration.

More information;
http://www.vaginismus.com
http://www.sexwithoutpain.com
http://www.scarleteen.com/sexuality/owtowow.html

Answer 2

Hi sounds like dyspareuna to me, this is a common illness (so to say) and the main symptom is painful intercourse. There is no treatment to cure this unfortunately but you should if you havnt already spoken to you partner and explain the pain you go through and ask him to be gentle, also use lubrication ky jelly is good, use plenty and this will take the edge off the pain beleive it or not! make sure you are realaxed because when you know you are about to experience pain your body tenses up which does actually make the pain worse. in time your body will adjust and you will be fine i know that doesnt make things any better but just look forward to that. Sex should be enjoyable and a special moment with each other so make sure you talk and enjoy yourself make it as relaxing as possible.
Also in severe cases there is a an anasthetic called 'instagel' which is used sometimes for women in your position having a smear. They come in little syringes which you insert and soon after the vagina feels a little numb, (not total loss of feeling) so dont worry yourself, see your doctor also and see what they say. There is help for everything you just have to talk which youve already done. You'll be fine chick just think positive thoughts, good luck hun! xx

Answer 3

Sex doesn't always go smoothly. Pain during sex is quite common and affects both men and women. It can be caused by a variety of things, such as an illness, infection, or a physical or psychological problem. Often the problem is easily treatable, but many people feel too embarrassed to go to their doctor for help.
Sex should be an enjoyable experience, and if it hurts, your body may be trying to tell you something is wrong, so don't ignore it.
And also, a pill's not going to stop STIs only condoms can do that.

Lorna

Answer 4

What is the pain like?

Do you have sex often? and do you have ''foreplay''

I ask these questions as these could all relate to pain during sex.

If you don't have sex that often, couple of times a month, the vagina does, shrink in size. You'll notice, if you were to have sex every day, you'll feel a difference. Its a lot tighter. (Sorry for the crudeness, but it's true, no beating around the bush lol!).

I you don't have any foreplay, and your 'dry' this can also be painful.
Try implementing foreplay, or getting a lubricant gel. (Make sure you really want sex, this could also make you dry, if your not interested).

If none of these really affect you, what about the positions you have sex in? You may have a slighted sloped womb, where it may be difficult to do in certain positions.

If you are really worried hun, go and see the doctor, it won't hurt to do a bit of a check up. Dont worry, I am sure your fine x

Answer 5

You won't hear this from most, but I think it's normal. If you are each others first, you still might not be able to fully relax your pelvic muscles and let things happen. If you are not wet enough, that can cause friction upon entering. You might want to try some of that K-Y personal lubricant. It's not a crime to have to use something like that. Not all women can naturally lube up as much as needed for comfort. Hopefully, you are getting yearly Gyno exams. At your next one, talk with your Dr. if you are still having problems.

Answer 6

Dont be afraid Jess! The first time you have sex, it can be painful. This is known as the pain stage. This is painful because the guy's **** is breaking your hymen. After the pain stage, comes what i like to call the "pleasure stage". This is after your hymen is completely broken and it makes sex smooth and extremely exciting! As of your non-virgin friends, the reason they're probably saying it hurt for them is because they experienced the pain stage, like i just explained to you. After the first time, it should be one of the best experiences of your life. So as long as BOTH of you want sex, by all means go for it! Just remember to use protection and always have lubricant handy! Have fun! Hope i helped!

Answer 7

As with all the other comments, if you have had a yeast infection in the past year... your partner also would have a yeast infection. he can and will pass it back to you. And then the game of TAG you have the yeast infection begins. So best thing to do is get checked. You can get other types of infections other than a STD. Be safe and go see a health professional.

Answer 8

It is possible that you just ahve naturally tight muscles in that area and so your parteners penis has to stretch you each time.I have a similar problem that I tare most of the time when my husband and i have sex.Try to use a lubricant. Also, a friend of mine once had a tampon inside her for several months and she didint realise but complained of painful sex.Sorry if this is all too crude!!

Answer 9

i know this is a bit blunt but you sound to me like you must just be too dry when you start intercourse. a lot of women are naturally dry therefore when particpating in intercourse need extra lubrication to ease the pain and discomfort. i think maybe you will benefit from longer foreplay, ensure you are very moist down there and that should ease your pain, buy extra lubrication like KY jelly to help you. you just put it on yourself or on him to help as he enters you. you can also buy condoms that have extra lubrication on them. if you try all that and it still fails it might be worth just having a chat with your doc. they wont mind and won't judge you. thats what they are there for to ensure you if you have any health issues. hope this helps.

Answer 10

ok im a gyny and i suggest if it hurts try how often do u have innner sex If once a month then u should get a check up cuz i cant tell u wat to do becuz i cant giv something unless i c u ther are many disseases
if u have sex like once a week or more u should stop for a month and itl go away by it self its just u prob liked avin sex and had more and more every week (Maybe)
BUT IN BOTH CASES I SUGGEST U GO TO DOCTOR!!!!