Will is ever work out? Or should I just get a divorce?

Question

I've been married to a woman for 5 1/2 years. 4 1/2 of those years she's been unfaithful. She's been in multiple relationships and she does her best to hide them from me. When she gets caught she seductively cries and promises her way out of any long term consequences although we've been separated for over a year but living in the same house. She recently got caught again talking to a guy she used to have relations with, I kicked her out of the house but our therapist said two weeks would be long enough! We have a son who is 5 years old and he loves his Mom, so do I. I just don't know if I can continue on like this, will she turn the corner and finally quit this nonsense or should I give up on her and move on with my life. I don't want my son to grow up in a divorced family but I guess I can't control that... I know if it were to happen again I wouldn't even hesitate to get a divorce. Just wondering if I should even take the chance.

Answer 1

The one part of your question that really stuck out was wanting the best for your son. That is an honorable focus, but many families go through divorce, and while it is often difficult, sometimes it is the "best" for all, even the children. The alternate is for him to grow up in a house where adults disrespect each other, cheat, lie and manipulate. That's basically the situation you described and I think all three of you deserve a better situation. Ultimately, the decision is yours.. so best of luck to you
♥♥♥

Answer 2

She's been unfaithful 4 1/2 years?!?! I usually don't tell anyone to get a divorce, but I think this is a rare case in which cheating has gone waay too far. She is making false promises, and breaking them each time! This is ridiculous! You should have kicked her skank @ss to the curb a long time ago. She is with you for security and to be with her son. What would she do without you? Where would she live? Maybe you need to separate from her for a while first, and then see how everything goes. Sometimes wake up calls work, sometimes they don't. You need to kick her out of your house for a while, longer than two weeks. Was she like this before you guys married??? How many men has she been with over this 4 1/2 year time frame???

Answer 3

Take your son and move on. This woman seems like she is very selfish and doesn't care about you or her son. If she did she would not continue this behavior. I would seek full custody if I were you and when she cleaned up her promiscuous behavior she could see the child. It will do him no good to have a mother like this for a role model. Your son is better off in a divorced family then having a mother that is running around with random men and seeing his parents fighting and not getting along. Do the right thing and move on, this woman is not going to change.

Answer 4

end it; you've tried as best you can, unfortunately you've been used and wil continue to be unkess you stop. You've even gone to marriage counseling! (that says a lot about you - so you'll probably end up with custody of the child). although your son loves his mom, he needs someone to show him the right way to be. Allowing someone to use you is not showing a good example, and the mother obviously has total disregard for the example she sets for her son. he would be best off if you divorced (sadly) because he would then understand that there are limits in life. You wouldn't want the same thing to happen to your son, and you wouldn't want him to think that his mother's behavior is unacceptable. Just do your best to foster the relationship between you and your son, don't badmouth the mom but speak the truth, and your son will indeed love you all the more for it. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 5

For your mental and physical well-being you need to divorce her. ( Aren't you concerned about STD's?)Why you have put up with it this long is beyond me. You mention you are concerned about your son. If you stay with this woman and he grows older he will soon figure out what is going on. He will lose respect for both of you if this happens. At least if you divorce her he will be somewhat shielded from her sexual promiscuity and will think more of her as a result. By staying with her you are not setting a good example of what marriage should be about. He needs to be exposed to a healthy relationship if he is going to be an emotionally healthy adult. This is not a healthy relationship at all. Why do you feel you don't deserve better?

Answer 6

Divorce is never an easy thing. As someone who has been on both ends of this situation...Good-bye is hard. I was talking to my ex-boyfriend behind my guys back, he now says our relationship is unfixable (after almost 2 years) and I never had any physical contact with my ex. I think I deserve another chance as he has cheated (physically) on me before. But I know that I learned from my mistake and would never repeat it. Do you think she learned from hers? Do you think she would keep repeating the same mistakes? If she has done it many times, then I don't know how you can make it work. But you have to do what your heart tell you to do. I think at minimum you should stay seperated in seperate houses, until she can prove that she is loyal, and is willing to do whatever it takes to gain back your trust. She needs to give up some of her privacy to prove to you that she has nothing to hide. If she is unwilling to do this, then I would assume she is still hiding things, and has no intentions of makeing things work.

Good luck.

Answer 7

It sounds like you need to set some limits for yourself in what you will accept and live with and what is not acceptable. I think if she is serious about saving this marriage that you both should see a marriage counselor and she may need to see a therapist and join a sex addicts therapy group. It sounds like she makes promises to you she has no intention of keeping. There is an old saying, "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me". You might want to see an attorney and find out if you might be able to get custody of your son or what your options are regarding child support and visitation also.

Answer 8

I feel sorry for you sir,,sounds like she never took this marriage seriously from the very begining,,if she has been cheating on you for that length of time. To bad there is a child involved,,but you need to kick momma to the curb and think about yourself now,,you have already wasted 5 years with this woman,,and cheating is not part of the marriage certificate..That is why we get married,,as not to cheat, and be with that person the rest of our lives,,to love,honour, and cherish...I feel as though she does not cherish you any more and you are worth more then that..Your son will prabably be thank-full ,,when is all said and done..he probably now wonders why mommy and daddy are distant,,they pick up on that stuff, and isn't fair to him either. I'am sure there is a woman out there who will love you and not cheat on you,,your son will adjust,,most do,,and is time to think about your self now,,I know you love your wife and will be the hardest thing you have ever done,,but will get easier as time passes..and right now you are passing your life away waiting for momma to get her sh-- together,,,sounds like this will not happen,,so move on and find your true soul mate,,everyone has one,,you just haven't found her yet..good luck my friend and remember that time heals all wounds,,you will be fine,,but end this disaster once and for all, and let her know your serious cuz your worth it,,think about youself now....Your son will thank you in the long run,,when he's older he will understand,,and momma can have her boyfriends and you can find someone who deserves a fine loving man like yourself...men like you are hard to find,,usually shoe is on other foot,,

Answer 9

I think you are at a point to where your going to have a hard time ever trusting her again. Your son is probably feeling the stress that is going on with you and your wife and could be affecting him more then you know. If you do divorce try to keep your son, you sound like your more stable then she is. I think it would be wrong for me to say to give up on her or to keep trying. You will know yourself when you can't take anymore or stop loving her. I wish I could be of more help.

Answer 10

Dont take a chance, soon your son is going to start noticing her behavior and its gonna affect him tremendously, maybe even more than a divorce. I do not believe that she is ever going to stop because youve let it go on for such a long time. If she were going to stop, she would have already stopped, I think you should get your divorce, and custody and try your best to forget about her.