My husband and I became pregnant and for the first 4 months, he was supportive and kind. It was a surprise, and not under the best circumstances; but really, when is it? The first time he felt the baby move, he stopped touching my stomach and refused to speak of the baby. I finally got it out of him by 20 weeks that he wanted me to get rid of the baby, he wanted an abortion, but when I explained that it was late term abortion and would be dangerous and (wrong) in my eyes, he switched to insisting that we give the baby up.
I am now 37 weeks. My husband has made it abundantly clear that he will leave if I keep the baby. He wants me to give her up for adoption. His reasoning is that babies break up marriages and that we can't buy everything for her that he wants.
We aren't rich, but we definitely aren't poor. I do not want to loose my husband of 3 years, and I will not give up my child.
What can I possibly do?
2007-03-18 08:23:12 · 36 answers · asked by Mom 2 Be 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It sounds like feeling the baby move made her 'real' to him, and suddenly he had to face being a father, which changes his life forever.
He may be afraid of not being a good father, afraid that he might not love his little girl, afraid that he won't be able to take care of her properly. He may also be feeling a little selfish and not wanting his world to change.
There is a very distinct possibility that when he sees his child born, that the first time he holds her, he will fall madly in love with her and everything will be fine.
Babies don't break up marriages, but it's possible he might be worried that you'll put all your attention and time on the baby and have nothing left for him, so be sure you give him lots of extra love and caring both now and when the baby is born. Good luck.
2007-03-18 08:34:18 · answer #1 · answered by SLWrites 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Keep the baby if that is what you want, & let him leave.
Do you really want to stay married to such a selfish immature inconsiderate jerk?
Just where did he learn that babies break up marriages?
I'll tell you where, he got it from..... inside his own head, so that he could try to justify his already flawed reasoning.
That part about not being able to buy her everything he wants for her is a totally B.S line & you know it.
He's scared to take on the responsibility of raising & caring for your child. If you call his bluff I can almost guarantee you that he will fold, & cut back on his demands. However that alone won't be good for you, & I hope that you choose not to accept anything less than his full love & attention, offering all of the caring & nurturing for your new baby that any man can possibly give. If he isn't prepared to make that commitment then you are compromising the future happiness & security of your child.
I doubt that he has a switch within him that he can simply throw & become the kind of father your baby needs, so he is going to have to go on a search for that through some kind of therapy or something.
So in a nutshell what can you do?
Stick to your guns, & tell him that he is going to become a father. It's up to him to decide if he's going to like it or not.
If he chooses not to like it, then cut him loose & clear the way to let the kind of man into your life who can.
The best of luck to you & your new baby. ;-)
2007-03-18 08:45:10 · answer #2 · answered by No More 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say lose the husband and keep the baby. Any man that wants you to abort or give up a baby you want and love is not someone who loves you. His reasoning is irrational. I would start putting together a support system so that you can raise your baby as a single mom, because that may soon be the reality. Good luck to you!
2007-03-18 14:47:06 · answer #3 · answered by Joanne D 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Leave him, do not give up your child because he is threatening to leave, that is not a loving husband that is an evil jerk if he truly loved you he wouldn't make you get rid of your love which is your child besides
you are the one who has to go through the pain and labor of having your child why go through so much pain just to give her up, then what if something happens and you are no longer able to have children and that was your only chance but lost it by giving up your only child and knowing that in your heart would suck
and why have you let your baby progress so much if your just going to kill it..it can feel pain when those doctors push that q tip up inside of you, they put some kind of substance that breaks down the bones of the baby and it disintegrates them then they suck em out in pieces of what was once a whole live baby its awful those poor babies probably are screaming inside you just can't hear them
DO NOT GET AN ABORTION AND DO NOT GIVE UP YOUR BABY!
2007-03-18 08:47:14 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
first thing is i want to say I'm so so sorry.but you are late term.you need to try to talk to him and be honest.giving up the child is not a option.for you safety as well that you feel immoral.it took the two of you to tango.he is feeling a little scared probably because he can;t see the whole picture yet.pray for GOD to help.you can find some services for woman just like you.that can put you in a environment where you ll have medical attention for you and the baby.I'm sorry this is happening.but you will have to tell him that you are not willing to give up the child that you are leaving and don;t try to stop you.call the [police if you need,the pregnant mothers child advocacy centers are more than glad to help woman just like yourself. you've got to be stronger than you have ever been.when you pray to GOD ask his direction and to help to clear your husbands mind.but really if he does not feel no more than this for your well fare than this did he really ever love you in truth or just the sex? I'm not trying to be mean but you have two beautiful lives to worry about.get back in touch let me know what i can do to help.ill do allican on this end. go the other way and ill send my email so i can help.stay strong ill be praying also.
2007-03-18 08:44:33 · answer #5 · answered by JAYHAWKER 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The baby did not asked to be brought into the world. Both of you knew the risks when you decided to have unprotected sex. You have a big decision to make and no one but you can make that decision. Keep in mind that you must do what's best for the baby. I'm no advocate for divorce, but you can always find another husband, but no one or nothing can replace a child. You only have a few days left to make this huge decision so you really need to figure out who you want and love the most. If a man who claims to love you will leave you if you have a child--his child, then I don't think he really cares for you. Think about it.
A child doesn't need all the material things. She has no idea what those things are anyway. The things we may want for a child is not always what the child needs. The best thing to give her is a loving family who will be there for her physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
2007-03-18 08:33:00 · answer #6 · answered by mommymommy 1 · 2⤊ 2⤋
It's your choice and I think your husband is a scumbag for not telling you how he felt for so long. However, some people do not want children; that in and of itself is not a moral failing. This is the kind of thing that people need to have clear discussions about in advance.
I do have to note the irony of all these people lecturing about how wrong it would be to give the child up for adoption, even calling it a sin. It would be wrong to do so if you want to keep the child, but adoption in and of itself is not a horrible thing. Ten to one these same people would be lecturing a woman contemplating abortion about the wonders of adoption. Basically you have to make your decision for yourself, as does your husband. You have to decide if staying with him is more important than keeping the child, and he has to decide if staying in your marriage is more important than not having to live with a child he doesn't want.
2007-03-19 18:21:27 · answer #7 · answered by Ella 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DONT GIVE UP YOUR CHILD. I swear to you that it is the most wonderful thing that will ever happen to you in your entire life, a million times more important than your husband. It will change the way you view, life, love and the world. If he loves you he would love to have a baby made of love, He must not care much about either of you if he wants to leave you for having his child. It really sounds to me like he has a complex. a real fear of your unborn child. Which means he will not be a good dad to begin with. BUT you never know. maybe once he sees that beautiful face looking back at him everything might change. Just be firm about your baby/your body.
2007-03-18 08:32:56 · answer #8 · answered by JUDAS RAGE 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Oooooo that is so wrong. You have to make him understand something. Those threats have to go back at him. You have to make him understand, that there's no way around his obligation as a father until after 18 years. Let him know that he does not get away Scott free. Tell him that you will be filing for child support and alimony if he leaves you in this state. Tell him to weigh his differences. Would it be cheaper if he leave or stay?
I don't know but men are strange and who knows, he could turn around after the baby is born don't divorce him just yet.
2007-03-18 09:36:01 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep the baby and if he ends up leaving, that shows you the kind of person he is. He's not a man, he's a boy. That's really selfish of him to think like this. Did you guys talk about having kids before marriage? What did he say? Did you trap him? Were you guys using protection? I'd tell him to pack his bags once the baby is born if he can't step up to the plate and be a father of your child.
2007-03-18 08:30:52 · answer #10 · answered by SillyKimmie 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋