Question for parents of teenage girls...?

Question

My sister is a teenage girl. She's 15. I'm 22. Yesterday i found a note she had written that had a list of things that she needed help with. Some of the things were to quit smoking, drinking, having sex, find God, admit she has a problem, quit bad habits, etc. I think it was from her church group where she wrote this. When I found this I was really scared. She is the youngest of 4. My mom and dad are really good parents but I think my mom is not in reality. She has never broken any rule in her life. She is not like stuck in the dark ages. She's new age-y and very with it. She's a very spiritual person and her career focuses on wellness and healing with yoga and healing touch. Just saying that so you get an idea about her. She was a virgin before she got married. She never had the sex talk with me. I had problems with promiscuity in college (80 guys in 2 years!!) my question is...do parents need to straight out tell their kids what they expect as far as sex???

I don't think my sister is a "bad girl." She is just having trouble figuring out who she is. I was an angel in HS and then after I think i was so sick of being perfect that I went self-destructive on myself! But I guess I'm just wondering, why does my mom think that just because she never did anything like partying, having sex in HS, my sisters won't??? I think that my mom needs to wake up and realize that the world is a scary place. She actually needs to sit down and take time and talk to my sisters...and not just assume that her influence will just magically rub off on them. I think that I was so tired of living out of reality when I lived at home with my parents that I just wanted to rebel and live bad when I left HS. I just don't want the same to happen to my sister. I tried talking to her but she got mad and said she never had sex. I told her that the guys don't care about her they just want to prove to themselves that they can have sex with whatever girls they want? what do I do?

Answer 1

Yes. Once kids reach a certain age, the talk shoud occur. But as far as your promiscuity, did you know that that wasn't ok? Or did you think that was normal? You may have some self issues. You may want to speak to your sister as well.

Answer 2

They can straight out tell them what they expect but not seriously (to themselves) expect that the teen is going to 'follow orders' and not do something because the parent warned against it.
Your sister got plenty of the influences of your mother but she has her own milieu and friends. It's not that your mother is not in reality (there are plenty of people like her, there are!) but she's not in your sister's reality. Even that list doesn't reflect your sister's reality.
If you think a sex talk would have affected whether you are promiscuous or not, think again. Rebellion is rebellion and there you were, rebelling against New-Age-y values. You could just as easily have rebelled in other ways but you picked that way.
My own way was to drink a lot, a much more dangerous habit - at least you can practice safe sex. There is not safe 'drinking a lot' and it threw me off course for a good while.
You could talk to your sister - maybe she would listen to you but while she was listening, she would be telling you that she made up all those things or you misinterpreted that list. No matter. It never hurts to speak honestly about your own experiences or warn against dangers - that is not what causes someone to rebel.

Answer 3

I'm 20 and I can understand where your sister is coming from. I went through a phase in my life where I did things that I look back on and know they were stupid things but at the time I couldn't really see that. I had one appearance to my family because I was always trying to make up for my sister and the trouble she caused. My mom however did give me a talk about sex, drugs and alcohol. About how people abused them and how sex was a natural thing but it was a special thing. Without that source there for me to depend on I don't think I would have made it through some of life's bumps in the road. If your mom isn't the type to talk about things like sex then as a big sister, who had a problem in college, take the initiative and talk to your sister. Let her know you're there for her questions and to support her however she needs it.

Answer 4

Good for you girl that make some proud. I am not a mom but I do agree with you when i was in school ( am 28 now) I saw a lot of this and i can;t belive that school woudl allow it and if i had kid no they would not be allowed to do any of that and i think you're one smart cookie for thinking that and don't let any one tell you otherwise. When you are 18 and old enough tomake your own decison to wear clothes that leave nothing to the imgineation and make men want to rape you then do it but at 14 and 15 no tale the time to be a teenager not a knockoff of teh streotypical teens you see on televison. that isn;t reallife it is a spoof of life. again Smart girl

Answer 5

If parents don't talk to their children about sex then they will learn about it from the boys or girls at school. My wife has talked with each one of our girls about sex when puberty started rearing it's ugly little head. For your sister, it is a little late for that but, your mom does need to pull her head out of the clouds and realize the world and the times we are in. I pray my daughters (5 of them) will all be virgins when they marry but, I have to realize that this may not happen. Where is Dad in this picture? If you talk to both parents about this problem and get them to face it, they can if they provide support for each other. It sounds like your Mom has rose colored glasses on and it could be rough on her to learn the truth on her own. You are 22 and as an adult can help them face this. It may take you telling them about your own rebellion to wake them up enough to help your sister. If your parents had addressed sex with all of you at the proper age you would all have been better prepared for the big world. Your sister is facing the same prospects you did. Getting ready to face the world without a clue as to what is out there.

Answer 6

Well, when I was in junior high, my parents forced me to go to church with them and go to Sunday school. So I went. But I didn't learn about God or anything like that. Instead, a group us went out behind the church and smoked. Or if it was raining we smoked in the bathroom. We skipped Sunday school to do this. I guess you could call it rebellion. Anyway, my parents didn't find out about it for like two years. Then they got really mad at me. Anyway, I kept up similar behavior throughout high school. I went to parties, drank, slept with people I hardley knew. Sure, I had a great time for the most part. But sometimes I felt like I was missing something. I never had a serious relationship and I rarely spoke to my parents. I almost failed out of school, and I had several pregnancy scares. Finally, senior year of high school, I decided to clean up my act and try to get into a decent college. I was extremely difficult, but I managed to do it. I was even able to get a serious boyfriend. I know I probably didn't give you the answer you were looking for exactly, but what I'm trying to say is there is hope for your sister.

Answer 7

Parents do need to be straight with their children about sex. It also sounds like your sister may be in need of some attention. If she is the youngest of 4, chances are she didn't and still doesn't get a lot of attention from your parents. Are you close enough to her to talk to her and be-friend her? It sounds like she could use some family attention right now and perhaps some good advice from an older sister or her mother.

Answer 8

when a child gets to the age where he or she understands . thats when the talk comes in . but sometimes parents have a hard time dealing with the issuse . it may seem like your mom needs to tell your sisters about the sex talk . lighten up on her . maybe you need to be the one to talk to your mom and tell her .

Answer 9

i think that the parent should be stait out with what the expectaion. but also not to harsh on the situatuin because they dont want the child to feel like they cant talk to the parent. mom said she would be upset however she would rather me be able to talk to her about it so she could help me if i decide to be sexually active. she saidshe would put me on birth control and take me to check ups so i can prevent std's. so be strait foward but open

Answer 10

i think since ur sister doent tlk to ur mom bout this.. u shouldbring it up to her.. tell her u found the letter and she can trust u and u wont tell ur mom anything.. i am 15 and my 22 year old sister did that samething with me and it helped m eout alot.. now i kno i can ask her things and tlk to her bout things i cnt tell my mom or dad. just comfrunt her and help her out.