We had a fight from the bank to the car. He: yelling "but you need to have done it This way! You need to listen to me! She: "I did how I thought best. I never asked for your opinion. The transaction was personal anyway. Something about (only her) money. Please stop yelling!" He doesn't stop but parks the car. She gets out and buys a bottle of water, he follows and insists she come back. She says, not unless you stop yelling at me. He drives away and she has to walk home 6 mi in cold wind.
More background: rocky newlyweds. 8 months of 5 nights of fighting out of 7. She has a heart transplant and has been having chest pains recently "due to stress" says doctor. Still works full time with the severely mentally ill. High stress job already. He is agitated recently due to quitting smoking, college courses (when English is his second language), and still working full-time. Generally he is anxious and worries too much about everything - trying to control everything.
2007-03-18 08:16:07 · 22 answers · asked by El Pajaro Loco 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
well it is verbal abuse. you all seem to be under alot of pressure you all need to sit down and talk to each other about what is going on. Communications is the biggest thing in a relationship. was he like this before you were all married? and if not what triggered it off. Go back to the root of the problem.
2007-03-18 08:21:33 · answer #1 · answered by Ryan c 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Both those women need to do what the husband says. He is the head of the family and should be treated as such. There is no such thing as personal money in a family. Its all family money.
When he said, "You shouldve done it this way." Your answer should have been. "Im sorry, I will do it your way next time." Bam...end of conversation. He can't say anything now, he is happy and there is no more yelling. When you start saying "Well i did the best i could" You are not taking responsability for your actions, you are making excuses that you are in the right for what you did. But the question isnt about whats right and whats not. The question is...do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? When the husband is happy, the wife is happy and it builds from there.
The wife can always easily take control of the situation by letting the husband take control. Too many people put it in womens head that they should be self seeking to be happy when they should be self sacrificing to be happy. Obviously with the divorce rate in america at 60% the self seeking thing doesnt work.
2007-03-18 08:30:10 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I wouldn't call it abusive unless there was some physical contact or name calling and put downs going on. Thery're newlyweds and the first year is the worst of all. It will take some time and they are both under a lot of stress. Counseling would be the best option. She really doesn't need the stress. It's too early to consider divorce. Marriage takes time, work, and patience.
2007-03-18 08:22:04 · answer #3 · answered by mommymommy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW! This is a marriage up on the rocks which will probably need some long term counseling for both partners to survive most of these issues transcend the heart transplant issue.
2007-03-19 05:22:55 · answer #4 · answered by xxx 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs to go to a serene, quiet place and relax or she may die from her illness, eventually. He is only using her [for money?] and she needs to get away from him, go to Jesus and pray. if she has heart problems any stress is abusive, period.
God forbid if my hubby ever had heart trouble i would treat him like a king! you are newlyweds! he should be still on his ''honeymoon' with you, and please get a different job. he should be caring for you, why did you marry a foreigner? they treat wives like dirt. Making you walk 6 mi. in the cold is a terrible thing to do, he is a monster.
2007-03-18 08:21:21 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow! Lots of red flags!
Sounds like they are just both just unhealthy for each other - and are on a death spiral.
Dumping and driving was a line that should not have been crossed. That should have been a wake up call to both of them - he should wonder what kind of person he has become that he could do this, and she should be scared of what's next.
2007-03-18 08:21:45 · answer #6 · answered by Stan W 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes this is definitely severe verbal abuse. If their marriage is this bad then it isn't a marriage it is a battle ground. It sounds as though these two people do not belong in the same relationship together let alone the same house.
2007-03-18 08:22:48 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he is very controlling, and could lead to further problems down the road. Leaving her to walk clearly says he isn't concerned with her safety/health. Time to call it quits, you two shouldn't have gotten married in the first place.
2007-03-18 08:22:14 · answer #8 · answered by fisherwoman 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
um it doesn't seem abusive but it does seem not compatible....stress is a big issue but bringing it into a marriage isn't allowed. you'll kill yourself if you keep going. slow down and think if it's enough it's enough...make a list of the good he's done for you, than make another of the bad he's done to you. if the good outweighs the bad fight for it....but not so far as you end up in the grave.
2007-03-18 08:22:51 · answer #9 · answered by TPete 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you want to save the marriage, it's time to go see a marriage counselor before too much time has passed and you can't save the marriage any longer.
2007-03-18 08:19:59 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋