Do any of you ladies have a husband that is obsessed with your past and holds it against you?

Question

My husband holds things against me that happend in the past before I met him. Than things that happend before we were married. I never cheated on my husband but made a huge mistake by spending the night with a cousin and he knows deep down nothing happend. His family all told him this. I really do love him but can't continue to live like this. I told him that I am not ashamed of my mistakes because they made me who I am today. I was previously into drugs and was premiskuis and he knew that when we got together. Why now does he throw it in my face? Is this is way of trying to justify leaving me? Im so confused and it makes me very upset and I think that he is doing it on purpose. We have been together since I was 19 and I am now 24. We will be married four years this year. I am not happy at all and I dont think he is either. Why do we stay together? Why cant I leave? Im so god awful confused. Is
there anyone in my situation?

Answer 1

I am. He needs to let it go because you already have. tell him he married you the way you are NOW. your experiences made you who you are. If he can't let it go, tell him he needs counseling. Don't entertain the topic then, ignore him when he brings it up. Why should you be made to feel so bad about yourself. To hell with that -he's insecure and wants you to be too. Dont' be his audience anymore.

Answer 2

he has no right holding the past against u, suppose he was perfect. he is trying to disconnect from u, leave u, and this is one of the ways they do it. he is trying to find fault any place he can about u, so he will feel its okay when he walks out on u, been there done that, and once the fault finding, and throwing up the past came, it wasn't too long before he left to be with his new woman. don't allow his ugly opinion to hurt u, and steal all u are, and have become as a result on your past. we all have had things in life we had to go through that made us a better person. he is just looking for a reason to leave, where he can justify it so he won't look like the bad guy.

Answer 3

You don't leave because somewhere in your mind, you think your husband is right. That couldn't be more wrong. He is the one with the issue of jealousy, control, and not trusting. That is all him, not you. Do you feel you deserve to be treated this way? Do you look at your husband and feel fear or anger? Do you think he is your best friend and you can tell him anything? You might ask yourself, why you don't feel you deserve to be loved uncondionally, I would guess it goes back to your childhood, feelings of being not good enough, low self esteem. You stay because you know how to handle this situation, you don't know how to be happy, so it's a comfortable place to be, for you. I think you know that your happiness is at stake, it's time to step forward and take control of your life. Letting someone else control your life is wrong, you need to be strong and independent. If someone truly loves you, they do not throw your mistakes in your face at any given moment, you need to leave this situation and start your new life today.

Answer 4

It sounds like your husband is very immature and controlling. This is why I think that woman make big mistakes when they tell boyfriends or husbands things about their pasts, a lot of men cant handle this. You need to sit him down and tell him that either he needs to get over it and deal with it or you are going to move on. You may want to try counseling if he will go but it is going to be up to him to let this go or your relationship will not work.

Answer 5

Princess, tell him you can't live like this, you are still so young. You have so many good years ahead and if he has to constantly rub your nose in your past, then there is no future for the two of you. When I met my hubby and we dated, we agreed, the past is the past. He's done some bad stuff, but so have I. It's not love when you throw something at someone like that all the time.

Answer 6

i might prefer it if he decreased stress, concerns and pressures if that became the reason he became taking drugs to get an erection. i might lots prefer a guy who's extremely joyful together with his finished existence than one that is only striving for money and stuff. If he had a scientific subject or took drugs that led to an argument, by ability of all ability, take an help. If he needed a pump or some thing else, i might leave that to his discretion. which would be a private determination in my concepts.

Answer 7

Yes, I do, And its awfullll!!!!!You are not alone. I have been married four years also, And have been tottally faithful to him. But, im still a" whore", etc....We have two kids, sometimes i just want to leave. I mean, they have past to you know??I used to run around etc..... The thing is.. we were together but didnt live together or were we married. I couldnt just sit at home while he ignored my phone calls. He married me, ive been a good wife ever since. I think they are insecure. Sorry you are going through the same crap

Answer 8

I have a somewhat similar situation. I was honest with my husband and told him that I slept with "x" amount of people. Not that "x" is an extremely high number, if was more than I was proud to admit. I wasn't on drugs or anything, but I was just young and dumb and had low self-esteem. This was WAY before he was even thought about. Several months after we got married I found myself not so enthused in sex. He had nothing to do with that at all. I was very satisfied with him and still are, but I was depressed about other issues that he could not understand. On several occassions he would tell me that I was probably bored with sex after having sex with "x" amount of people. Also, he calls me prude. I like sex, but I am not in to porn and I don't like movies with a lot of graphic content. He always makes references like "how could you be so prude when you had sex with "x" amount of people?" I don't know ... it's hard to say that someone should or shouldn't bring up your past. It depends on what it is, in my opinion. If he had slept with 50 women I wouldn't have cared as long as I knew he was HIV and STD free. But if he had previously had 10 girlfriends and cheated on 7 of them, then cheated on me, I can't say I wouldn't bring that up. In your case, it sounds like he knew what he was dealing with upfront. You were one way back then, you are one way now, and as long as you have been a good woman to him now that's all that counts.

Answer 9

I used to be married to a man like this. Notice I said "used to."
His garbage mouth could send me reeling into insane anger. Thank God the SOB is dieing! LOL

Answer 10

Grow a spine and tell him if doesn't knock this **** off, he'll be someone from your past.