WHAT Would You Do????

Question

Before I make a drastic move, I wanted some opinions first. I'm 47, and I've been married for the 2nd time for almost 4 years now. I honestly am not happy here. Over the past year, we had to get another car, $12,000...and took out a home improvement loan as well. There have been other things I've charged in his name, only to pay the bills myself. I have feelings of leaving, because I can't even stand sex with him anymore. All he does is sit in front of the computer and play games all night long, read his book, go to bed. Carbon copy the next day, I assure you. The house is literally falling down around us, and he does nothing to look into even fixing the leaking roof. I've mentioned it numerous times, and I always get, "I know". ..and that's the end of the conversation. I can't stand my days off being here, I am just not happy. He has suiside in his family, as well as depression. I am afraid to leave, but am darn close to it, but fear what he might do. What would you do??

Also, if I did leave....it would destroy him financially. I don't want to hurt him, but I feel like I'm hurting myself by staying here.

Answer 1

What you really need to do is talk to him. Right now it sounds like youre a prisoner. The most important thing in a relationship is COMMUNICATION and it is your responsibility to keep it going. You have to sit him down and tell him what you are thinking about, but really tell him. Be firm let him know that you are completely serious. Tell him that you need him to focus on you and you need him to work for the better of the relationship. If you can afford one, go to a marriage counselor, they are very good at working things out and making sure each person gets their voice heard. You need a mediator like that. The goal is not to upset him, but by being so afraid of his reaction you are destroying yourself.
Next time he says 'I know' you tell him FIRMLY how you feel. Be OPEN. its crucial.
Telling him how you feel doesnt mean you have to leave him. And its not your responsibility to support him. In fact start seperating everything and make sure you secure money for yourself when you do decide to leave. Divorces can be messy (you probably know this by now) so dont just divorce him .. take the time to talk with him and see if he starts doing better. If you can respect him more, the sex will get better too. The reason its so bad is because you have no desire to be with him because you cant get your voice heard. be strong and firm.
good luck sweety.

Answer 2

Yours is a special situation. You love him. You do not like certain habits of his. You adore him so you do not want to lose him. He is depressed and lazy and so you want to leave him. He does not give you what you want from him so you are less interested in him. This is your second marriage and so you do have a chance of comparison too.
What you should do is not to compare him with anybody. What he lacks is motivation. Without motivation, he will remain lethargic and inactive. I think you must be nagging him also too much. So he finds solace in being what he is now. You both should have a serious talk. discuss what you feel about him and what you expect from him. Let him also say what his problems are and why he is like that. Ask him what he wants of you. Life is a contract with proper understanding. Do not expect the others to live the way that you want them to live. The easier way is to live the way that others want you to live. Then there will be less problem. If you do not like him you would have thrown him out long ago. Because you love him you must try to do a compromise; a compromise where you may have to sacrifice some. Be prepared and you will be rewarded.

Answer 3

You are doing nothing than raising a child here. You admit that you are unhappy with every aspect of his life and it is making yours more miserable by each day that passes. He is using you to provide his needs while he refuses to provide any effort to help you satisfy your needs physically, financially, and emotionally. As far as what he may do that has to be up to him. When you marry it is supposed to be a partnership and your isn't. Your relationship is all one-sided so you need to rid yourself of this parasite in your life and seek the happiness that you deserve.

Answer 4

Find yourself a marriage counselor to give you insight about the workings and dynamics of relationships AND their endings. When you have your priorities aligned, you can maka a move without hesitation. Just get some counseling first so you have all the bases covered.
Sorry you didn't see something like this coming.
Best wishes.

Answer 5

leave him........for a short while atleast until he realises that he's acting like a good for nothing type guy and needs to get back in form and take care of you, maybe he's takin u for granted and ur absence will bring him back to his senses.

before leaving though try to work things out by talking about these issues if he's not responsive ,then go ahead, leave him,start anew ,it seems u r hardworking and responsible.u surely deserve better.
good luck.

Answer 6

You have to think about what is best for you! However, if you ran up his credit card bills...then you should pay them. If you are worried about leaving that burden on him, then let him know you'll help him by paying what you owe on the credit cards. Sounds fair to me!!
Trust me, been divorced twice.....Better off alone!!

Answer 7

When you are married you are supposto take care of eachother. Sounds like you are taking care of himand he is not doing his part. I would give him a choice. Carry your load or i'm outta here!

Answer 8

I'd leave and if I had to, I'd take out loans to better my life, not to make it more miserable. What he does is entirely up to him, I'm not responsible for his actions.

Answer 9

Katy is right. Try working it out. As long as he doesnt cheat on you, why start from the beginning with someone else. Just try working it out and make yourself see things in a different light. Please try it out atleast

Answer 10

Truly, if I was THAT miserable, I would leave. Life is too short to be that miserable, for that length of time! One day, you'll wake up, and be old.....don't be old, AND miserable!