Do you like this passage of my story?

Question

I am ten years old and this is part of my second book. It takes place in the 1800s. It's a survival book. I've done lots of research.

Chapter 1

I woke up to the chatter of birds and the impatient neighs of horses. I moaned and rolled over onto my back. It’s too early, I thought to myself. I sat up, walked to my window and opened the curtains. Light streamed down onto my face as I yawned and stretched in the mid-summer sun. I thumped heavily down the winding staircase and crossed the parlor into the kitchen.
“Tis a lovely morning, isn’t it?” my mother exclaimed as I entered the kitchen.
“Aye, I agree, my darling,” my father smiled. Mother set the batter cake on our small table along with a large crock of apple butter.
“I need to make many horseshoes today and it ain’t gonna be easy either. Mr. Crammer needs ‘em for this evenin’.” My father is a blacksmith and, believe me, his job is not easy. It was especially hard for him since his apprentice had been sick with a high fever.

Answer 1

Wow!!! You are very talented for a ten year old!!! more talented than me and I'm 14!!! Very good....but there are a few things....you use very good description but try and use more add some things to make it more visual. Another thing is don't use "I" as much. You do a good job of that but just be careful. One more thing. Where are they in the wold? Instead of her mom saying, "Tis is a lovely morning isn't it?" try, "It's is a wonderful morning isn't it (name of girl or boy)?" Let is all i have but love it!!! e-mail the other chapter to........
[e-mail]
i would LOVE to read the rest of the story!!!

Answer 2

It's a great piece. My advice to you is try not to use any possessive terms - a few are okay, and describe your surroundings so that readers can get a feel of where you are. Also, note what kind of a morning/day it is and why (sad, bright, exciting because it's your b-day, etc.). Another thing is to try not to add modern day expressions and terms like what you had near the end: "..., and believe me, ...". Hope this helps and good luck!

Answer 3

You might want to take the believe me part out, but I like it a lot :)

Answer 4

All I have to say is... you have serious talent!

For me, it's not my type of story, but you're a great writer anyway. Keep it up!