I am 20 years old and I am finishing my bachelor degree in science. I want to move to another state just to Independence myself from my parents, get a better job and other interests I have in mind.
But my mother has gotten very annoying to me because of this. I don't want to pursue a doctorate degree anymore because I am TIRED of studying I want to pursue a shorter career, and is like she wants me to do what she wants, even though she denies it I can see it in her eyes and facial expression that she wants me to stay with them 4 years more without having any Independence.
They can't understand that my studies are making me depressed and I have other interests in mind like having a family and I also do it because they have invested so muuuuch on me and I want them to rest and pay more attention to my little sister.
Is it normal for me to feel this way, and is it right for me to leave at this age 20-21?? What's wrong with my parents, I am going to do whatever it takes to be fine.
2007-03-18 07:30:39 · 8 answers · asked by Jamie 2 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
FIrst of all, you are an adult. But to parents, you will always be their child. They are trying to look out for your best interests, even if you don't see it that way. There is a reason your parents are telling you such. Let me tell you something before you make any decisions. Make sure you know exactly what field you want to work in. Know exactly what the state expectations are of schooling, etc. Look up requirements of jobs in the areas you are interested in living in. THEY VARY. You will then know if a doctorate degree is more feasable for your interests.
Although you feel you are hurting your parents, you must make this choice yourself. They will be there regardless. You mention family. Please don't rush, you have time. I finished college in my late 30's with a family w/kids working a full time job. It is not easy. Yes, it can be done but I would never recommend this. Try to make your roots with a job first.
Don't leave the state just to free yourself from your parents. Have you tried to sit down and explain to them the rein is just too tight? That may be all you need. Are you an only child? Are you the first to leave? This is difficult for them also, please remember that. When a child leaves the home, parents go through a change. They may still be feeling a loss over you leaving. Please give them time to adjust and talk with them. Explain to them your feelings. Write them a letter. Tell them you love them. It will go far. Mostly, do not let go of your dreams. Don't change your plans because you want to get away from your parents, don't run. It's not going to change. You will regret that in the future. You are 20 years old, an adult, you need to handle this situation in an adult way. By doing so, this will show your parents you are ready to handle your own life. Good luck.
2007-03-18 09:07:55 · answer #1 · answered by elimayme 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, first of all you are right to want to live your life on your own terms.
Your parents love you, and they want you to do what they think is best for your life. They have seen and learned a lot more about the world since they have been around twice as long as you, and they know that you have a better chance of making a steady income if you have an advanced degree, especially in a scientific field. They also may not want you to move far away because they would miss you! Sometimes it's hard for parents to accept that you are your own person and not their little kid any more.
They also may have their own hopes and dreams for you, and they may have trouble accepting that your hopes and dreams may be different from theirs.
You might want to sit down with your mom, maybe take her out to dinner, and tell her how you feel. Let her know about your goals, and your plans for your career. If you talk to her calmly like an adult, and you have clearly thought through what you want to say, it may be easier for her to see you as an adult. (Although at some level you wall always be her little baby! ;-)
When you graduate, get your own apartment (or share with a roommate/housemate), less than an hour's drive from where your parents live. That way, you can be independent but still keep them in your life.
Good luck!
.
2007-03-18 14:33:56 · answer #2 · answered by Independent 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think any 20 years old that have a determine like you will doing fine in life. No, I don't think it's anything wrong with you or your parents. Some parents like to keep their good kids with them forever. It's never happen that way because it's a normal thing for kids to move out and make it on their own. Except some bum kids who like to hang around home. Also the exception for the kids that like to live at home because they like to take care and to help out their parents. Also cheaper too, ask me.
2007-03-18 14:46:00 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
it's normal for your parents to act this way. They dont' want you to move away. It's time you do what you want to do in your life and not what they want you do to. It's your life sure you want them to be happy for you and they should respect whatever you decided to do. Congrats on getting your bachelor's degree in science. I think that's wonderful. Nothing is wrong with your parents they are just being parents and don't want to lose you. You can't let them control your life. Your 20 and it's time you moved on with your life and made yourself happy. They can ethier respect you and accept your decision or not. I hope this helps you understand and I wish you luck in your life.
2007-03-18 14:42:41 · answer #4 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Remember that at the end of the day it is your life, not theirs. There is nothing wrong with respecting your parents opinions, but you have every right to go out and do what you think is best for you. And this sort of thing is perfectly normal--parents often have trouble letting go of their kids.
2007-03-18 14:44:56 · answer #5 · answered by Adam J 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes this is normal parenting behavior and your reaction is normal as well. and yes they can understand that your studying is causeing some of your depression, how old do you think they are? 4? how stupid do you think your parents are? retaurded?
your parents are just trying to take care of you and probobly trying to make sure you dont make their same mistake or mabe they belive that your life will be better quality for you and your future family if you do get a doctorate.
2007-03-18 14:48:04 · answer #6 · answered by ldsironman 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it is normal for your folks to be concerned about you and it is also normal for you to want your independence.
If you have not lived on your own before, you might consider getting your own place in the same state -- at least to begin with -- because it can be hard enough to get things started on your own and it would be even harder if you didn't know anyone.
2007-03-18 14:40:20 · answer #7 · answered by waia2000 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Same situation here (age 21)
Can't wait for the day I can afford my own roof over my head, then I'm outta here!
2007-03-18 14:39:38 · answer #8 · answered by Mighty C 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋