my husband has been talking to and seeing an ex-girlfriend for 15 years?

Question

said he hasn't talk to her for a couple of years but i know he has. said her son is like his own. Now he fixed his cousin up with her and they are in love and wants me to be friends with her and i said i would never be friends with her. He wants to know why because nothing went on between them and they were just friends. Do i become friends with her or what i don't want to

Answer 1

tell him to honour your feelings.

Answer 2

First of all, I want you to know that if any of this sounds rude in any way.. I do apologize. That's not my intent, and when trying to express an opinion in a way like this (online) it really leaves open the possibility of the words being taken the wrong way somehow. So, I assure you.. I mean nothing but kindness in regards to your situation.

I think that you may have a problem with insecurity if you have so much resentment towards her that you won't even try to be friends with her. Just because she was once interested in your husband (before you two married) years ago, does not mean in any way that she would be even almost interested in him now. She may very well be one of the nicest people you'd ever meet.. but if you don't give her a chance, you'll never know. More than likely, they were always better friends than they were a couple.. which could very well be the main reason they broke up. It happens, and it doesn't have to be the end of a friendship just because two people are no longer dating.

I think it's nice that your husband can stay on such friendly terms with someone he once had a relationship with. Just because two people break up, doesn't mean they should become enemies. Some people just make better friends, and nothing more.. Maybe that's what they have, is a great friendship. And as long as both of them see it the same, as only friends... then there should not be any cause for concern.

The fact that your husband has set her up with his cousin, and also wants you and her to be friends.. really shows that he wants you to be included in their friendship. He obviously wants you and her to get along and become friends, and I think that's great.

Give it a try.. Maybe you'll become best friends.. maybe nothing will become of it. But you will never know unless you lower your guard and give the woman a chance. It doesn't sound like she is after your husband in any way. I think that you should calm down, and try to act like a mature adult with the situation. She doesn't sound like a threat to you at all.. Be a good person, and at least try to get along with her.

You could be missing out on a wonderful friendship.. but you'll never know unless you make the effort.

Answer 3

The only time I have been friends with an ex is when we have been re visiting our relationship in one form or another. In my op ion the past is the past if there is no reason to be friends with her then don't. Be nice but for god's sakes don't start hanging out too much baggage goes with that.

As a matter of fact my ex and I were seeing other people and still seeing each other on ther side. It finally took me 5 years to stop fooling around with him. We were even divorced and a nasty one at that one thing I learned from him is a guy will say anything to gain control of a situation that is in his best interest.
If you chose to go his route remember it was his route.

Answer 4

I don't think you should be friends with her, because this will mean that you will see her more often (and she's the cousin g/f, which already means seeing her more), and your husband will take the chance to stay around her for a while and I really don't know if his heart was in the right place when he introduced her to his cousin.

Be careful.

Answer 5

Wow, this has been a thorn in your side for 15 years....that's so not fair. I'm uncomfortable with the fact that he views her son as his own. That's weird. I suspect that you feel he is still harbouring feelings for her. Forget about becoming friends with her, you both as a couple have a few things you both need to come to terms with before that can happen. You need to feel secure in your relationship again. Try to reconnect with him, get a counselor if you have to. Good luck honey!

Answer 6

why does he want this woman in his life at all? why can't he just move on? no, i would have nothing to do with any of my husband's x girlfriends, of course not, there's no good reason for it. What's this about her son? is he serious?
it sounds to me like your husband is thinking she may be married into his family someday. does she represent part of his youth? well time to move on and face reality-he's no kid anymore.
i wouldn't talk only to my husband if i were you, because he will change all your words around to sound as if you have the problem, and they'll all have a good laugh.
i would wait until all 4 of you are together, and say that ''although you don't wish those 2 any ill will, your husband has been manipulating all of this from the beginning because it makes him feel powerful, however it will no longer continue.'' your husband has no repsect for you or your marraige, every past experience with members of the opposite gender has some memories of sex, whether it be intercourse or not.
put your foot down now.

Answer 7

If u don't want to be friends with her then don't be. But like someone else said if she is with his cousin u will have to tolerate her at some point. And when these time come up will give u time to maybe get to know her. You never know she maybe a nice person. I get along with my ex-husband wife. So u see stranger things have happened. But u don't have to be her friend is my point, just get along when u have too.
Good Luck....

Answer 8

I would thank him for the offer of a new friend, but i would decline because that is a thing of his past and i wouldnt choose for it to be a thing of my present. I learned this lesson already. My hubby wanted me to be friends with his bosses wife, he brought me to his office so we could get to know eachother and then we e-mailed and instant messaged eachother. Found out they were having a 5 year long affair. Accepting her as my friend made it easier for him to be closer to her and avoid any suspicion of an affair. But, women are smarter than men. Found out and told her husband and had the documentation to prove it. Not to say your husband is having an affair with this woman but this is his past, keep it there, in his past.

Answer 9

hey the female doesn't have to be your best friend. matter of fact she don't have to be your friend at all hell just don't be rude for our husband of coarse. small talk never hurt anyone and just keep your eye on her you can never trust an ex-girlfriend. no one has to know you completely hate her. unless shes annoying then i say the world has to know. but if not just keep close watch. play her don't let her play you. and keep an eye of hubbie 2.

Answer 10

If they have truly only been friends for 15 years, and you've had a happy marriage, then why don't you trust your man? If you trust him, then why not be friends with his friends? You don't have to actually be 'friends'. Just be polite and friendly. That's all it takes. If you feel you cannot do this, then your marriage is in trouble and you have trust issues, so you really should get your man to marriage counseling with you.

Answer 11

Is the proper relationship definer that she is his ex girlfriend or an OLD FRIEND who happens to be a girl? If she's, as he says, an old friend, then yes, you should befriend her. Otherwise, no.