What's going on in my relationship?

Question

My fiance and I have been together for just about three years to be exact. We are getting married in a matter of months. I was not rude when I asked for some space but he has a real problem just giving me 30 min to an hour alone because he feels I am trying to "push him away". I asked him if it was separation anxiety and he said "yes". He nearly was in tears. We used to have this more stable relationship and I would like to know what is going on. I don't think it's healthy to have that much of a problem with a 30 minute separation. We love each very much. He wanted to go see his parents (they live 10 minutes away) and I did not feel like it (for once) because I was not feeling well and needed space anyways, but he wold not go because I did not feel up to it and he did not want to go without me. I'm not controlling, so I don't know.

we are going through lots of stress, trying to find a home we can actually live in and start a family in someday, and I do love him. I have always read there is nothing wrong with "space" in a relationship. This does not mean that I am not crazy about him.

I have never cheated. He always says he trusts me completely and he has every reason to. He says he is "attached" and cannot leave me by myself.

It's not like I was rude about it! I just said I needed a few minutes! Then I told him I was kinda stressed and needed some time to myself.
And- we have had a general discussion about this before. (just one of those reassuring things like "anytime you wanna see your friends or want to be alone for a while, let me know). I have always been soft about it.

Answer 1

your not controlling, i agree. sounds like he might be.

Answer 2

Need more info......Like has he lost anyone (death) in the time u have been together? Have any of ur friends split up? Have either of u cheated on the other? These thing's may cause this to happen. But whatever the cause u two need to sit down and talk about this. Communication is the key! This is not healthy for any relationship. Tell him it's ok to have time on ur own it's very healthy. Take baby steps start with 5 min away from each other work up from there. There is something going on and he may feel like he is going to lose u. Get some counseling.
Good Luck!!

Answer 3

Whenever anyone mentions 'space' or 'time alone' - alarm bells will ring. You might as well have said 'leave me alone, youre beginning to annoy me'. The poor lad probably wonders what he has done wrong as you have never brought it up before. He obviously loves and cares for you and after three years together surely you can talk to him about this.
Next time try and be a little more sensitive. He may have had an off day, it happens to us all.

Answer 4

there are so many thins yall are going thru leading up to this wedding so every body will be a little off centered make him understand that you are not going any where and just need some girl time alone and there is nothing wrong with that and how many women wish there husbands or boyfriends cared about them like he does so dont get mad take your alone time rather its a long hot bath or just sitting on the toliet sitting in the car a lil longer you have to get your girl time or you will go mad

Answer 5

he may think that you are seeing someone else since you are now asking for some space. you have to remember you have not ask him for space before so why all of a sudden. are you having second thought about something. have you and your fiancee had counseling yet. we as humans can do alot in ten to thirty minutes. have you done anything to question his trust in you. has someone told him that they want you, has one of your ex-boyfriends came back into the picture. it can be so many things. sit and find out what really is going on in his head and his heart.

Answer 6

It is not you that is controlling it is him, and I think it would be wise to find out why the insecurity now, surly he has all the time in the world to see you are faithful. Make him get some counselling or find out what is going on, You need a husband not a clingy needy person.

Answer 7

he seem to be insecure and that not good also for a great marriage to work you need trust and respect and you might want to hold on before getting marriage what up with the tears just because you didnt want to go because you didnt feel well becareful you dont need to marry a child you need to marry a man good luck

Answer 8

I can only speak for myself, but - before I got married, there was NOTHING I wouldn't do for my fiance, I wanted to be with him night and day, everywhere he went - I went. Now that we have been married awhile, we have "space" apart, doesn't bother me, but -- I wonder, if before you are even married you feel like you need "space" apart from him, could it be a sign you aren't as excited about him as you should be? Can you truly picture being with him for the rest of your life? Maybe you need to talk about this with a counsellor IMMEDIATELY, before the wedding???

Answer 9

sounds like he has some issues that he needs to work out. that isnt controlling on your part. everything you said about yourself seems reasonable. that type of separation anxiety speaks to something unresolved in his past. you might want to make sure he works that out before you get married because it sounds like you arent cool with it. that type of behavior could probably get worse and would surely get more annoying for you. your fiance should see a therapist.

Answer 10

Oh for Petes own sake,will you folks care to take one nano second to see that there is real suffering in this world of ours.I have never heard so much ME,ME,ME Rot in all my life.Seperation anxiety,this guy must need his damn brains testing.

Answer 11

He's afraid of losing you because he loves you. Just tell him that he needs you to trust him if he really does love you.