I have a quandry. I have been married 8 years. Now, in the beginning, all seemed ok. He was a homebody, and I thought I was too. This seemed agreeable to both.
Now, it is 8 years later and is no longer agreeable to me.
I am in school, and wish to expand my horizons. I want to go out places, meet new people, even get together with them!
My husband is very anti-social and only agrees to meet with other married duos. He is very conservative. I am very open.
We realize now we are complete opposites. My parents are like this, but have been happily wed 38 years, thus giving me the false illusion that opposites can work it out that long.
My brother is divorcing his opposite wife of 12 years. I think he is brave, yet misguided a bit. I am unclear on the details.
Irregardless, what do I do with this situation? We have opposite goals, dreams, etc...but need each other to survive financially!
What direction do I take from here?
2007-03-18 06:29:11 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My parents are in a situation exactly like this, except that they have been married for 25 years and counting! In our case, we are very much like you and your husband (a more outgoing, ambitious wife; a more conservative, happy-to-stay-where-I-am husband).
It all depends on whether you still love your husband, and whether or not you have other things in common, interests that you can both enjoy. As Christiane Northrup mentioned in her book "The Wisdom of Menopause," women frequently experience different needs as time goes on, and what they want from their marriages may also change. Women are usually quite happy to do whatever it takes to keep their husbands happy during the first several years of marriage, but begin to realize that their own needs may not have been met during that time they were busy catering to their husbands. My advice would be this: your different social meeds may not warrant undermining your stable marriage of 8 years. Maybe you can both take up a cooking class or some other activity where you will have opportunities to socialize, and he will be able to pursue his own solitary hobby with you (if he enjoys a more "solitary" version of a hobby you both enjoy.)
So, if you still love your husband, and you still have interests you can both enjoy, try to stay together. Although financial reasons should not be enough to stay together, I'd recommend discussing this issue of your different social needs with your husband and see how he feels about your marriage right now. Perhaps try marriage counselling (it may help to have someone act as a mediator between you and your husband)... but, be forewarned: it may be difficult to conivnce your husband to go to counselling with you!
2007-03-18 06:44:27 · answer #1 · answered by -- 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are only togethet a a matter of finacnes, then you have alot deeper issues. If you want the marriage to work becuase you both do love each other and want to spend the rest of your lives together, then do whatever it takes to make it work. If you have differant goals, see if there is a away to compromise, or combine goals. Try to find a goal that the two of you can achieve together. As far as the social aspect, find a way to meet halfway. Set a night a week, or a month aside for a girls night, and for him a night with the guys, or just home enjoing some alone time.
If two people love each other, there is always a way to come together and make things work.
Good Luck.
2007-03-18 06:35:44 · answer #2 · answered by Ammikins 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You both need to be willing to make sacrifices to make the other happy. Be sure that you do things that he wants to do even if you don't like it. Do things that show you put him in front of you new friends. It's OK to do different things. Just do things that you both like too. Stay home and watch a movie. If you can't make if work divorce is an option but it should be the last. Good Luck :)
2007-03-18 06:37:47 · answer #3 · answered by crazy4orlando2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One thing you need to realize is that when men are like that, they aren't going to change. So do your thing with him or without him. Then if you feel that it's just not working, maybe you should leave. It's always a better situation to get in if you both feel the same way about that. As far as needing him financially goes, sounds like you have a problem there.
2007-03-18 06:35:57 · answer #4 · answered by karenhar 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you are growing in the relationship and he has not. This is very healthy and you should do what feels right. I don't know you're parents but without you getting mad maybe they were happy on the outside but not the inside. If you do not follow you're soul than you will never be happy.
2007-03-18 06:37:37 · answer #5 · answered by loveheartsfree 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-19 00:09:45 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your marriage is going to take many different turns and twists. You learn to take them together and grow from them.....you don't jump ship.
Good luck!
2007-03-18 06:32:10 · answer #7 · answered by Raspberry 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why can't you be social, while your husband stays at home.
2007-03-18 06:32:28 · answer #8 · answered by ladybug 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋