Opinions on this article I've written?

Question

http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=26019764&blogID=242542851&MyToken=ac8111f5-00b3-4b31-8685-8cc7806573bb
Is it grammatically correct? Well written? Please don't give me a lot of abuse if you don't agree with the content, I just want to know if it is easy to read etc.

This is intended as a 500 word article for a newspaper by the way. Great constructive criticism coming in here, thanks, keep it up!

Answer 1

Lose catty remark about fat chicks That's unnecessarily mean. Besides lots of boys are chubby chasers.

Realize is spelled wrong twice (not realise). Try not to use the same words twice even if they are spelled correctly. Use a different word like comprehend or understand,

Make good use of this website to sharpen it up.

http://thesaurus.reference.com/search?r=20&q=realize

Lose explanation point “that really winds me up!” and consider rewriting that sentence so it sound more mature less conversational. Don’t write in the first person. Its bad form and lazy.

Change “The alarming thing about this is that, increasingly, girls are dressing in this way at a much younger age”.

To: It is alarming that girls are dressing provocatively at younger and younger ages every year".

Avoid vauge refferences like "this way". Use definate adjactives to paint the picture you want to put in people's head.

Yo might find it useful to maybe make fun of yourself a little. Instead of “slightly old-fashioned opinion”

Try: “my slightly prudish sensibilities”.

Humor or sarcasm always helps make a good point if used right.

I like the article. I also agree with it. Where are these girls parents anyway?

"Young Lady! You are NOT leaving this house looking like that. Go up and change."

I am a Communications major in my second year and you write better than everyone in my class except for me of course. You show promice.

The trick to writing is to keep editing it till you get it nice and sharp. I helps to set the document aside and let it sit for a while and come back and look at it fresh.

Another good trick I use all the time is I read it outloud.

Also print it out and read it on paper when you are close to done. Its easier to catch those last minute mistakes on a hard copy than it is on the screen.

One thing you did perfect is you kept it short and punchy. To many people take to long to make their point.

Answer 2

The article is well written in the sense that it could very well be a featured column in a newspaper. One of the answers from John16, who must be American, is wrong in correcting "realise" which is the correct spelling in English English. John16 also needs to spell correctly himself - his answer is full of very basic errors.

I found the article easy to read and you show much promise.

I am an author, having had two full-length novels published. My advice is to submit the article to a magazine that reaches the age group about which you are writing. It may not be published but you would probably get a helpful, professional, reply to help you on your way.

Answer 3

I really like the subject of the article. I think you have a great start to work with but its a bit too wordy for me. I think you could have said all of that if you just shorten it up a bit. I enjoyed it and I totally agree. Good going kid :)

P.S. I disagree with the person above me because you should keep statements such as "chubby" because it gives you a visual and it allows you to stand out differently as a writer. Oh yeah, I have a degree in Communications!

Answer 4

Easy to read, could be sharpened up a little,agree with the content however I think "we" are in the minority.Self expression is good thing.

Answer 5

Looks pretty good to me! Well done! Not sure if 'alright' is correct though- I was always taught that it should be 'all right'., but I may be out of touch.

Answer 6

It's not badly written but your voice is dry. Try rewriting it in a more conversational tone.