im 39 vry pretty, norm & alone for 8 years.men look but never ask me out. i feel my life is over.im cursd.why?

Question

Im a good,normal person, pretty,take care of my body & everyone asks me why Im alone. Iv been divorced for 8 years with two great girls & i have the best divorce situation anyone could ask for with 2 great girls. I have the worst luck in every way when it comes to trying to meet men. Im always in the "wrong place at the wrong time". Yes they are always looking at me but never single or just never talk to me.
Im not going to be a nut either & chase men around desperately. Its very hard to accept the fact i will never have a companion, Im looking at this lonely pathetic life forever & Id rather not be here. Yes I luv my kids but they cant fill the void of a guy. there is something wrong like a curse from God or something else.

Answer 1

Try a dating site or chatrooms, maybe a 360 profile with your picture and some info about yourself and go from there. you'll be beating the men off with a stick before you know it.

Answer 2

first of all, I don't think you are cursed or anything similar, you already have a lot, you have a good life and 2 wonderful children. but i know and i completely understand that you want a man's love. i can help you by giving you my own situation, at least to let you know you're not the only one. i am 25, I have also been single for quite a while, so i started thinking, and i talked to my friends who really know me very well.i have realised that, on some subconscious level, I have been afraid of serious relationships, because I had very bad experinaces at a very young age (2 serious relationships, before the age of 22) and that I was (and I still am a bit) afraid that all men want to do is hurt me, and that I cannot trust any of them. this was strange for me, because I am a very outgoing person, pretty, socialble, plenty of friends... but in this area, I was just intimidated. so, I guess, I have been sending the wrong signals and sometimes even acting like I don't want a man and like I am perfectly happy alone, which was not true. I would push any man away after mere weeks. so, I just modified my behaviour, just a bit, meaning, smile more, talk to people, don't "change" your behaviour when a man is close by, don't go evrywhere sorrounded by a bunch of people, and don't be afraid of getting hurt.... I think you might have a similar situation, though you are not fully aware of it yet, you ahve had a bad experiance, and now you find it very hard to trust a man. just realize that it's just a phobia, treat it like any other. face it first and than take steps to rectify the situation. i am sure that you are a wonderful person and that a lot of guys would be happy to be with you. I have managed to modify my behaviour quite a bit (and I have been getting much different responses from men!), but it's an ongoing process. i am convinced that the right guy will come and I don't give up, and neither should you. just take this deep look inside yourself and see what can be done, talk to your friends about it, they usually see what you can't. I am sure you'll work it out, and the best of luck to both of us! :-)

Answer 3

It is all a matter of loneliness. Close physical contact and warmth like one has in a marraige just doesn't happen to singles. Short of cold shower sfor anything more you are stuck. But be glad you have someone to hug you two girls can givee a lot of warm snuggly Hugs
So many seniors are very much alone and dont get ANY physical contact.
Now I have a sure fire way for you to meet someone to marry its like any other weird twist of fortune. I guarantee this works every time...Forget about getting someone to marry or love you ...Completely forget that goal. BEcome so involved in your own perfection that you dont NEED anyone else to make you happy. So how does one become a perfect You. You take classes to improve your mind , body, and soul. You volunteer for work with seniors children or youth. You work at a job that squeezes every self involved thought out of you till you are a WHOLE person on your own. You will find that the more of a You you become the less of a Need you will have for someone else to Make you happy. And once you no longer need that fulfillment from someone else that person will be there to bask in the splendor that is the Perfect you. THEN YOU CAN CHOOSE without being desperate for the first warm body that comes along. Because this is a secret dont tell anybody dont even think about it Just BEcome that perfect you....And in the mean time on those nights when the cold sneaks in under your Duvet ...GEt a hot water bottle and a pair of fuzzy sox and a diary to list all YOu have accomplished so you can feel pleased and happy instead of cold and lonely...attitude attitude attitude!

Answer 4

I think much of this is about financial insecurity. It's sad that any people settle for whatever piece of puzzle seems to fit at the time. If it doesn't fit they try to make it fit or adjust themselves for them. I saw my ex-wife change all of her values for some drunk north woods hunter who made worthless promises of staying on the wagon and supposedly made threats if I came around. Many children seem to know better sometimes if the guy isn't right or are easily persuaded by him spending more money on them than you or your ex ever could. Others might be a threat to the sanctity of your children in many other ways. I have heard of singles clubs through some Churches and that can also go very wrong too.I think you should strongly consider some therapy for awhile first. After 10 years of being single I'm starting to believe that's best for me right now. Children are never a curse, it's the people you have them with.

Answer 5

Don't give up. Your mate is out there somewhere. A lot of guys are intimidated by a pretty, single, divorced woman. Especially one with kids.

You may need to be a little more active in your search, but remember to look in the right places. Stay away from the singles bars and the meat markets and try things like PTA meetings and other school-related functions. That way, you can be involved with your daughters education and search for a mate at the same time.

Just keep looking, you will find him.

Answer 6

People probably don't ask you out because they look at you and think "someone that good looking must be attached". You're quite right not to chase men desperately but it sounds like you need to be "putting out" more.

These people are not going to fall into your lap though you need to either join a club or put an advert in a singles column.

Make sure that when you're doing this you take all the necessary steps to keep yourself safe though. Only meet in public places until you know and are comfortable with the person, let someone else know where you will be and when you expect to return.

Answer 7

Well, as the mother of a grown son who's heard his stories about meeting women, maybe you should smile at the ones who aren't wearing rings. You could initiate a conversation with a man who looks at you. If he looks, he's interested. I suppose that most of them feel that you are probably taken, cause you're so pretty. Don't you have any friends that could connect you to someone that knows someone? They say that it's when you stop looking that the right one comes along. Maybe you could try that.

Answer 8

One theory, which is based on evolutionary behaviour, is that a man does not want to be cuckolded into raising children that are not his. You are a great package, but it is the extra baggage which turns some guys off. In addition, it is a womans evolutionary behaviour to find a man with resources, and who also has social skills to get more resources. Reality is that the majority of relationships are non-traditional, and maybe in time you might develop a relationship which will be long term. There are no guarantees in life, so just keep fishing.

Answer 9

I know it's an old adage but it is so true, when you stop looking for love, love will find you.
Go out with your friends and have girlie nights but don't go out looking for a relationship. Just have a laugh. I know it's not easy, I have been there so I know how difficult it is but it does truly work. When I started just going out for a laugh instead of "out on the pull" that was when i got with my partner. I was not looking for love, then just a bit of fun and we have been together 6 years now!
Unfortunatly you seem to have lost your confidence with men and confidence is the biggest turn on for people so just have fun and stop worrying about things.

Answer 10

When you feel empty and alone, it's because you are lacking the initiative to increase your own awareness of yourself.

If you're lonely, and empty, get out and do things with others. If you're unhappy now and you think a man will fill that void, you are mistaken. Only you can fill that void. Get involved with things that you think you will enjoy doing. Make yourself happy before you attempt to drag another person down with you. Lift up your spirits, fill that empty void in your own life.

Enjoy your kids more. Do things with parents and families, even if they're single-parent families.

If you get involved with a guy thinking that he can fill that emptiness, is so wrong, when things fall apart, you'll only blame him for your already empty feeling. Instead, learn to love yourself. Get to know yourself. Journalize if you must. Join clubs, organizations, classes, gyms, tennis, volley ball, cycling, community clubs, etc.

When you look like you're enjoying life, when you least expect it, you will meet someone who enjoys the same things as yourself. :-)

Looking and behaving "needy" tends to drive potentials away. Enjoy life instead. A confident, well-balanced person looks attractive to others of the same... regardless of whether they have kids or not. :-)

Good luck! and have fun learning who you are.

Answer 11

You have a few things against you: children and being in the wrong place.

Why not join a single parent's group? There are plenty around for women and men who are alone but want to find someone special.