To start out with we have been married 3 years, 2 years ago he went out one night and never came home. When he did come home he lied to me several times telling me where he was, me being a wife investaged to see if he was lieing and I caught him in at least 3 lies before I finanly got what I call his truth.. I know now that he went to the strip bar with my DAD (yeah aswsome huh) and they went to a party with a stripper, well my dad says nothing he pleeds the 5th, my husband says they went cause my dad wanted to hook up with one of there moms.. I tried calling his phone like a million times that night and he did not answer, but he did check his messages... What I am getting at is, for the moment I took into fact that I love him and whatever he did maybe it is best I didnt no, but 2 years later i still find myself being hurt by it, he is now overseas, and hell I dont trust him at all... I dont no what to do, I dont no weather to end my marriage, or just keeping feeling like crap.....
2007-03-18 05:45:01 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I wanted to add that I do somedays feel ok like it never happened, then there are others I dont want him to touch me, be close to me, or I dont even want to look at him... The girl moved into my naighbor hood too.... so that is making it worse
2007-03-18 05:45:55 · update #1
He says he loves me and can not live withouth me and if I leave him he has no reason to live... I just dont no what to do anymore
2007-03-18 05:48:33 · update #2
Oh I am 26 dont no if that is young anymore..
2007-03-18 05:52:00 · update #3
wow thats a good one. im not to sure i would jump to any conlusions that he was doing anything wrong though. men and women have such different views of whats right and wrong. we would think it was wrong while they would naturally think it was just a natural mans night out, plus if he went with his friend it might have been kind of a pressure thing to look cool to go and to not answer his phone. if this is the only time you are questionable about, i would just talk to him and tell him how you feel so that you can feel reassured about your relationship with him. we all know how men are they look at women like we do with shopping, its all in fun.
2007-03-18 10:21:01 · answer #1 · answered by shelly l 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Go back and reread your questions.That's what I did and they seem to have the same feel to them.Are you feeling lonely and abandonded because he's overseas?That was part of the deal when he joined the military.If he is in Iraq or Afghanistan,he doesn't have time to be chasing other women,trust me.I can't make excuses for him lying about going to a strip club with your dad.It seems like they are covering each others' backs,though.I'd wait for him to come home and then talk with him about your issues.It doesn't seem like these are the kind that can be settled with a few minutes on the telephone(and in a high stress environment,too) or by sending e-mails back and forth.No one can tell you whether or not to end your marriage,though .That is a decision only you can make even though you are getting well-meaning advice(mine included).And 26 isn't old,not by a long shot.
2007-03-18 14:50:54 · answer #2 · answered by Michael R 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It hard to deal with the possiblity of cheating!! I have been thru it and it isnt easy to get over. If it was a first time thing and you really Love this man you have to move foward and put it in the past I know easier said then done!!
Once trust is broken thats also very hard to get back if you can ever fully give it back! I went to counsling for myself and in my case I seen what the girl looked liked and that was such a relife to know she didnt come close to looking as good as me!!
Tell him how you feel and then move on with or without him!!
I dont know if I helped but communication is the best thing I think!
2007-03-18 12:55:57 · answer #3 · answered by Sheri 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK, I too have a husband overseas and know how hard it is to keep my mind from wondering to thoughts that aren't pleasant. You're a woman you're gong to have these thoughts i don't care what anyone else says about your self esteem or anything else cause that's not the case. While he's gone you need to focus on why you love him and why you have stayed with him 3 years after the incident. If you live on your memories of love you won't have the chance to think about the negative. Stay strong! Keep your head up.
2007-03-18 13:16:38 · answer #4 · answered by an infantry mans wfie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not sure how young you are, but I'll bet you're young. I'd talk to a professional about this (councelor...), but I'm leaning towards telling you a fresh start is what you need. I'd also re-think your relationship with your dad. If it isn't really strong (what kind of dad ges to a strip club with my husband, trying to hook-up?), I'd cool things WAY off there, too. Good luck to you - you deserve to be happy.
2007-03-18 12:50:46 · answer #5 · answered by applebetty34 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh girl, of course you are young! We are young till we believe in it. And 26 - is nothing, great age of youth, you should enjoy it instead of thinking that you are not young anymore...
Do not let anybody to make you feel unhappy. Yes, your husband broke your trust, but you still love him. Well, you still can love him and still can leave him if you feel that he is untrustworthy and you are not happy with him. Life is too short to feel insecure with someone who is supposed to be your best support.
Let yourself to love yourself, feel who you are and this will help you to understand the whole situation and how to deal with that.
Just remember that till you do not have enough respect and love for yourself, you wont get it from others too.
Good Luck!
2007-03-18 13:18:28 · answer #6 · answered by Bella 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
While he's over seas, I'd speak with a professional counselor.
If that helps, then great. However, when he returns to the states, if you would like to see a counselor together, then I'd say go for it. Get your feelings resolved.......or let it go. One way or the other, it's not to your benefit, to live with inner turmoil. Sooner or later you will erupt. And it will not be pleasant. Take care......
2007-03-18 12:56:44 · answer #7 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am 41 and I still feel young. You can begin again. You sound like you have given up hope and feel trapped. Set yourself free and begin brand new again and don't look back (I am assuming you don't have children with him). Don't allow him to tell you stuff about how awful it will be for him - he had his chance to earn your trust and your love and HE blew that out of the water. Take care.
2007-03-18 12:58:17 · answer #8 · answered by Paul 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
...Hi, your delima is not unusual... sad but not eunique... you have to decide... you must make a choice... unless you do you will be caught "in this" forever... from what I read (your words)... he's fine.. and why not... he get to live in the "fast lane" and waite for you to catch up... (not good)...I don't believe he has yet to recognize love from lust and this is the tradgic zone that so many men (myself included at one time) live in... write me if you want, we'll talk some more.... blessings.....
2007-03-18 15:23:15 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
WOW, first yea the dad thing is just plain wrong! Your husband thing yea just plain wrong. Counceler is in need here.
2007-03-18 15:15:22 · answer #10 · answered by Alisha C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋