she's almost 14 and she had to write a poem for school. she wants to know if u like it... i told her it was fine... can u plz rate it on 1 to 10 for her? thanx....
IT HAD TO BE ABOUT DAY OR Night... or life...
its called LIFE here it is:
The trees sway,
as wind blows past,
clouds move overhead,
as a dog barks nearby,
a shado is casted by my body,
hovering over the dew covered grass,
the breeze becomes weaker,
the barking dog calms,
dew disappears from the grass,
along with my shadow,
day slowly slips away,
until at last it is gone,
crickets begin to sound,
cars come to life,
as people head out into the night,
but after a while,
everything grows sluggish and tired,
people close their eyes,
and drift to sleep,
dreams flash wildly through their minds,
the night seems to go by fast,
as eyes are opend to a brand new day,
and life starts again.
2007-03-18 05:37:37 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Philosophy
after taking her age into consideration, i give her 10 out of 10 marks.
2007-03-18 06:01:39 · answer #1 · answered by nightingale 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not an absolutely terrific poem, but it does show potential. It makes good use of images, and it does at least one interesting thing with language. The way she ends each line with a comma, in effect making the entire poem sort of a giant run-on sentence, gives an impression of rhythm and continuity -- the hourly progress of life. I think it's worth a 9/10; it's definitely good work for a fourteen-year-old.
2007-03-18 13:55:37 · answer #2 · answered by Drew 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is actually quite good. She is only 14? I rate it a 6. It might not rhyme but some of the worlds most famous poems don't. Keep up the good work!
2007-03-18 17:32:14 · answer #3 · answered by freshblood5 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good imagery and structure. It seems to rotate in relation to the events in the poem. A circle of events. A day in the life of a city and its people. Only substitute "A SHADOW is CAST by my body"
2007-03-18 13:58:33 · answer #4 · answered by peskylisa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would rate it a 5 I love the ending but maybe she should make some of it rhyme.
2007-03-18 12:45:05 · answer #5 · answered by gggg 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
2......sorry. i'm 14 and i write better stuff. (i don't mean to sound boastful but i do). the wording could use some work and it needs to flow right. but tell her to keep writing. she should write (when it's not for school) only when she feels moved to. that's what i learned to do. if i force myself to write, the poems come out horrible.
peace
2007-03-18 13:06:05 · answer #6 · answered by Shadow Lark 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
8.5 out of 10. Great imagery, nice meter. The kid's got a future... keep at it.
Peace
2007-03-18 14:17:10 · answer #7 · answered by zingis 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a 4 from me
2007-03-18 12:41:18 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she is really 14 I give it an 11
Love and blessings Don
2007-03-18 12:43:05 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I THINK your "sister" should spend less TIME doing time-elapsed writing. Maybe she should come inside and have a nap herself. A 14y.o. who THINKS she KNOWS LIFE well enough to make me sit and listen better have a terminal illness. Damn arrogant kid.
2007-03-18 14:41:23 · answer #10 · answered by pikeymf 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋