If you were my daughter what would you do?

Question

My daughter's gym locker was broken into months ago She accused one girl of breaking into it after hearing the girl, who is named Ava, say I hope I don't get in trouble for beak into Madison's (my daughter) locker. Now Madison's old friend who is also friends with Ava, Jade, won't stop harassing and bullying my daughter. When Madison goes to class she is constantly hearing bad things about herself from Jade's mouth. Jade calls her ugly, dumb, stupid, makes fun of her clothes and bags, leaves her excluded from her other friends who Jade and Madison are both friends with. The other day Jade embarassed my daughter so much she left class and went and sat in the bath room for the rest of the period because Jade yelled infront of the class she wouldn't work with that dumb b*tch. Madison has talked to the guidance consulter several times, I have talked to Jade and her parents, this has been happening since January.

If you were my daughter Madison what would you do?

They are 15 and 16.

Answer 1

Sometimes Counselors just stir the embers. Children learn a lot from parents . Help her be strong in the face of adversity. Teach her that confidence is a very strong weapon. Even if she doesn't have it right now, fake it till you make it. These bullies feed off of her reactions. They know she hid for the rest of the period because of them, thus feeding their power trip. Confront Jade without Ava there reminding Jade that if Ava was like that with her what makes Jade think she won't stab her in the back as well.Jade couldn't say Madison didn't warn her. When they pick on her, Madison could roll her eyes or scoff when they do these things, or fake a yawn as if disinterested in their attempts. Eventually they will get the point Madison wont be feeding their ego. maybe Madison will even gain respect of her other peers.

Why are teachers putting up with this behavior??!! there should be a no tolerance policy for bullies.

Answer 2

Well, I would like to know how old these kids are. Also, did Ava get in trouble for the locker incident at all? Were the missing items ever discovered? Did Jade get in trouble for cursing like that in class? She should have. You said Madison has talked to the guidance dept. - but have you called/gone in to see them? If you haven't, I would - especially since you say you've talked to Jade's parents. Another route is to talk to Jade's parents face-to-face and inform them of what is still going on (have Jade be there to and make her accountable...). You can also call/make an appointment with the principal of the school about this issue. Your daughter shouldn't be able/have to leave class because of this and sit out part of a class. That teacher should have done something about the cursing and bullying. Also, maybe it is time for Madison to really assertively stand up for herself and tell Jade to knock it off. Well, I'm rambling, but here's what I'd do, in order:
1. Call guidance and discuss what has gone on.
2. If it doesn't stop, and you're on decent terms with Jade's parents, invite them and Jade for a sit-down talk about this situation.
3. Call and make an appointment to see the principal of the school about this situation.
and 4. if none of this works, call the school board and talk to a school board member. Document/tell them what steps you have taken and that you are considering legal action.
Good luck - no kid should have to put up with daily bullying.

Answer 3

This is a very harsh situation for Madison. I've also experienced this kind of bullying. I think you did the right thing about confronting Jade and her parents. I'm wondering how Madison acts towards Jade. It might be silly to you but I believe, if Madison acts with love towards Jade, Jade will soon realize that what she is doing is absolutely cruel. After all, everybody has a concience...Don't fight back or take revenge, but it does not mean to let your esteem to get stepped on. Be Madison's pillar of support and keep her strong and let her fight back for her pride and love Jade. =)

Answer 4

What I would do in Madison's situation would stand up to Jade. She can't worry about what Jade calls her, beause it's all apart of school. She needs to maybe talk to Jade or tell her to stop saying things thats aren't very nice. I deal with drama alot and I would day to ignore it, but then Madison wouldn't have anyone to hang out with. She should tell JAde it was none of her business getting into her and Ava's business. Just tell her not to let those words get to her.

Answer 5

find a new group of friends. obviously, these girls don't appreciate her for who she is, and if they have a problem with what she looks like or wears, that's their loss.

But a counselor might not be the best solution, only becuase girls are visious, and it might make things worse. ignoring these girls would be the best way to go, i think.

i know that's hard, becuase I've been there. but if your daughter doesn't react, then they'll stop. When they insult her, the only want a reaction. It won't be fun if the insults bounce off her, now will it? :)

i hope your daughter stays strong. let her know there are other girls out there with the same problems and that she's not alone. other girls at her shcool might be facing the same thing, even.

Answer 6

This IS difficult for your daughter and so much easier for me to say what I would do as I am an adult.

However, the very best thing your daughter can do is not hide herself away from these girls who are showing their true colours.

I would hold my head up high and truly ignore any of their remarks. I WOULD tell them, once only, very clearly and confidently, their remarks are a waste of breath and have no effect on her whatsoever. She needs to look them in the eye when she says that, shoulders back, up tall and then walk away confidently.

They WILL tire of it. She should also try to move into another group of friends...perhaps she could just say to another group, do you mind if I join you for lunch I seem to have been deserted! Most decent people will welcome her.

At the end of the day they are showing themselves to be bitches so she is a winner and best off without them.

Keep communication open between you and your daughter as I'm sure you will anyway.

Best wishes

Answer 7

I used to have the same problem. My mother kept on going back to the school and kept talking to the school board system until they got tired of hearing her and seeing her. I'm not saying it was the easiest thing, I mean it took awhile. But it worked. My mother also said that if they did nothing about the situation, and a fight broke out they can't say she didn't warn them. My mom's next stop was to take me out of any classes that I had with that person. So keep pushing and pushing they well finally listen. She'll be very grateful in the end. Trust me I was.

Answer 8

I'm a little surprised that the counselor at school didn't help change anything. I think it might be time to go one step higher and talk to the principal. Madison is being harassed and verbally abused, and it's not okay.

Madison should make sure to ignore these girls and not yell back at them.

Answer 9

I think you all should have a talk with the school see if they can't aid in getting these girls off (maybe some peer to peer conseling could help them work out there issues) her case if that doesn't work, I would consider filing a harassment report with the police...maybe a figure of true authority will help but in all likely hood, these girls are going to be mean no matter what and possibly meaner if they know they are getting to her.

Answer 10

I think you should talk to the principle in the school and let him\her now what's going on. Your daughter is being harassed and now she doesn't even want to be in her class. She could fail because of her. Or even call the police on that girl. Your daugther needs to be strong, she should try to not leave the class room because it's showing that girl that your daughter can't stand up for herself.