Why has my mentality changed?

Question

I used to be a girl, and most people considered me a "butch lesbian" and I used to date lesbians.
Now, I'm in transition to male, and I pass really really well, but going through this transition and seeing others reactions and opinions (wanted or not) has jaded me. Lesbians now, are so concerned with maintaining their "lesbian image" to their friends, that they can't be seen with someone like me anymore. Even though just a few years ago, when I was a "butch lesbian" they thought I was the greatest thing since sliced bread. The narrow mindedness, the hypocricy and all..it just frustrates and disgusts me. I no longer have an interest in the gay community. Is this wrong? I feel like I'm turning my back on my community, but in a way, they've turned their backs on me.

Answer 1

When you were the "Hetero" man trapped in the womans body, you were dating lesbians and they were dating (visually) a lesbian. But as you (we) know, you were never a lesbian. Now that you are transitioned they see you as a man.

I don't know enough about your situation with them to judge it very well...but I think there is probably one of two explanations. Their lack of interest may simply be that you are now a man - and out of the lesbian dating pool. Also - due in large to the ignorance of the general public on transgendered persons - they might think of you as a sell out on the gay community.

One of my best friends is going male to female - but is a lesbian. He's (she's) getting the same reaction as you from the women he used to date. They feel like he deceived them. You both see yourselves as you have in your "minds eye" and to you, aren't all that different - but to others it's drastic! There are very few that understand (yet!!!). It's the gay community that is now embracing him.

I'll give you the same advice I gave him. You're starting a whole new life. Hang on to the people that care for you and to hell with the ones that don't. You did this to make you happy not them - so stop trying!

And always remember my favorite quote; I would rather be hated for what I am - than loved for what I am not!

I used to think I was so brave for just coming out - but you are both a 1000 times more brave than I could ever be!!!

Answer 2

The reason they don't want to be seen with you is that you are an image they don't like. Lesbians don't like being thought of as men, they enjoy being women and being with other women. By turning into the man you really are you are promoting the stereotype that lesbians want to be men, and any lesbian who was with you might feel afraid that she is wrong about her gender identity, or they can't understand why you want to do this and because of that want nothing to do with you.

I realize that some people can be cruel and mean, but there are good people in the world, it just takes alot of time and effort to find them. Good luck making better friends who like you for you.

Answer 3

Uh, so you're a dude now and you wonder why lesbians don't want to date you? It's because they don't want to date dudes, duh!

It sucks if you're feeling left out by the community, though. I know lots of queer girls that date trans guys. The community I'm involved in embraces people of all gender identities, and it must be hard for you to feel shunned.

The ones that don't want to hang out with you? That's their problem. But you have to ask yourself in terms of your male identity: what does it mean that you're a guy interested in dating lesbians? Do you somehow feel like you're not really a guy? Beginning transitioning was your choice to make. If you're a guy and you know people that have problems with guys, then you're just going to have to deal with that. Lots of queer women have a mistrust of guys or just don't want them around, and you can't make them change their minds.

I'm female-bodied and butch looking/acting, with no intention of changing my body or identity right now. Sometimes I feel like I have a similar but opposite problem as you wherein the community of butches around me has dwindled down to basically me, and everyone else has become a guy (and good for them for continuing on their path to who they really are). But now everyone looks at me like I'm just slow on the uptake, and eventually will come to and realize "holy sh*t! I'm a dude!" And it bugs the hell out of me.

I feel that a lot of the community is really narrow minded, which just leaves EVERYONE with the feeling that they are being left out in one way or another. I hope you find what you're looking for.

Answer 4

I think people are just ignorant, they really need to get their head out of their butts because you are still the same person only a little different and i am sure that there are people out there who will accept you for you and who you want to be, it might just take a few bad or uneasy comments but it will pass, just remind them of how they feel when they are told about being lesbians and how "wrong" people think that it, its trully the same thing, i hope it gets better for you but keep your head up and you will be just fine!!!

Answer 5

Hell yeah that's going to replace the way you imagine. i'm no longer truly "section" of the Marines yet, i'm in undemanding words a candidate for OCS, quickly and with any success, and basically being round Marines each of the time and so on...I completely have a distinct view already. because you're a woman too, they are going to completely replace you yet in a sturdy way because they are going to spoil you down and make you a more acceptable women human beings.

Answer 6

The problem is "you" and "them" are worried about the "community" when you should be thinking about the individual . I am not a fan of homosexuality but I dont pick my friends because of their group . If they happen to be gay it doesnt change a thing.

Answer 7

Those who cannot accept you should be made history immediately. You are correct, those clods have turned their collective backs on YOU, so you owe them NO loyalty whatsoever.

You're intelligent enough to know that you will never be accepted by everyone, so with those whom you do find acceptance, cherish and nurture those friendships and do your best to ignore the others.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 8

I think the concept of "gay community" is a myth anyway.... It simply sounds like you need to branch out, find other GLBT friends to hang out with.... ones who accept and love you for you! Best of luck to you.

Answer 9

I don't think all people are like that...maybe you just didn't have the best of friends......That said, yes there is a tremendous amount of prejudice and narrowmindedness in the glbt communtiy..a fact which has always tended to surprise me, considering where we all came from.

Answer 10

Oh dear, this is very bad news for you. Transsexual people are not as easily accepted as gays or straights. I suppose because they have gone out of their way to change themselves. But I would try moving to a more accepting society.