Privacy during labor?

Question

My husband and I would prefer to be alone at the hospital while I am in labor, and let our families come see all of us after she is born. Our families live 2 states away, so I thought that wouldn't be a big deal. My mom came to visit this weekend, and I told her that we would call from the hospital but we don't want people to come until the baby is born. She looked me right in the eye and told me she didn't care, she was coming. Our reason for not wanting people to come is that even if only the baby's grandparents and aunts/uncles come, that's still 9 people. That's too overwhelming for me. How do we get across to people that we mean it when we say we want privacy? The only thing we can think of is to just not call until she's born, but I feel like that's rude and deceptive. Is there a better option?

(Just a note on how pushy my mom can be - when she came up this weekend, she had packed her suitcase before she called to see if it was ok to come. She WILL come uninvited.)

Answer 1

Inform your nursing staff and doctors of your wishes. The nursing staff are no strangers to keeping pushy people out of birthing rooms. I NEVER tell anyone when I am in labor (done it 3 times and am about ready for another round lol). My husband and I prefer to spend this time together. It is a very special time for us to be just "us" and no one else. There is no reason anyone (except the medical staff) needs to intrude on your labor and delivery. Your mother can come uninvited to the hospital all she likes, if you've informed the staff not to allow anyone in, they will not allow anyone in reguardless of who they are or what they do. Labor and delivery is rough enough without having to entertain 5 million people so I completely understand where you are coming from. And no I don't think you would be being decieteful to not let anyone know you are at the hospital until after the birth! Personally, my husband doesn't start calling people until at least and hour after the birth, that bonding time right after birth is priceless and you have earned it, you do not need to share it with anyone (except your husband :)! Your mother is the one being rude! She needs to respect your wishes, are you a 5 year old or a grown woman? She needs to realize the answer to that is the second one. Also, even if you decide not to let her know that you are in labor you should still inform the staff that you do not want visitors, I know several "pushy" people and they have a way of finding these things out!

Answer 2

Okay, any hospital is your 'privacy insurance' ... tell them when you go in to have your baby that NO ONE will be allowed to 'visit' you while you are there EXCEPT YOUR HUSBAND, and your many 'relatives' won't be allowed to visit you ... although they may be allowed to 'see the baby' if it is in the 'nursery' while you are there. Try talking to both 'grand-families' and 'god-families' (they can tell your aunts, uncles, and cousins) that you and your husband both want to 'totally bond with the baby' when it's first born, and that you simply will NOT ALLOW them to 'visit you' when you are in the hospital or when you 'come home' ... and put a 'strict number of days' on this, and tell them that 'If you do come, we won't let you in, period, end of subject.' I agree with you that having 'too much company too soon' can be terribly 'wearing' on both the new mother and baby and also on the new father.
But, what if you get home and are 'all alone' and suddenly feel the 'need' for your family to come and 'help out' with the housework and other 'chores' so that you can simply lie in bed and 'cuddle' with your husband and new baby? Then you still have a 'choice' of WHO can be that 'helper' ... and you should also consider 'hiring help' like a 'nurse' or 'temporary housekeeper' and tell them to 'help keep the family and friends away' at first. If you don't 'let your mom' into the house, she'll just have to go away again ... and I know that this can be very 'difficult' but it's 'your life' and you have the right to 'live it the way you want' without your 'interfering family' coming in and telling you 'how to do things properly.' Just BE VERY FIRM ... don't act 'angry' or 'sad' ... just be very 'neutral but firm' and you should start doing that NOW so that they'll KNOW that when the baby comes, you are not going to 'change your mind.' Good luck, and have a 'happy baby time' ...

Answer 3

First of all, I completely agree with you not wanting an audience at the hospital. I also have relatives who would insist on coming up to the hospital if we told them. Deceptive or not, we just won't call until after the baby is born. Having a baby is a private thing for some people, and it is your right to keep it that way! Don't let them make you feel guilty!

Answer 4

I also have family in another state. Our families would have loved to be in the room with us...I felt the way you do. My compromise was to call them when I went into labor. They were welcome to come to the hospital, but they wouldn't be allowed in my room until after the baby was born.
The hospital is usually good about not letting people in anyway. Just remind the nurses you want to be alone. They shouldn't have a problem being a little pushier to your Mom. They can also make up reasons why she needs to leave the room. Good luck!

Answer 5

On arrival at the hospital, you can tell the nurses that you want NO VISITORS and they will abide by that. Mom is pushy? Nurses are way pushier! :) Good luck, sweetie! (my in laws waited at the hospital all during the 16 hours of my first labor. They came to the delivery room to visit once in the early stages, and stayed in the waiting room for the rest of the time. My husband went out and gave them periodic updates. Maybe that would be a good compromise?? My mom lives 1500 miles away, so that was a non-issue for me. )

Answer 6

Don't call anyone till after the baby is born. You can say that it happened too fast and you didn't have time. Or that both of you were so excited and nervous that you didn't think about it. She doesn't have to know. You said she lives two states away.....Call her and tell her once you think the baby will be born by the time she arrives....good luck, my mom can be over bearing at times too

Answer 7

When in labor with my first, my OB and the hospital staff asked if Id want people with me. They said they can keep any or all visitors out and/or say theres a one or two person maximum. I wanted my mom there and noone else was pushing but talk to your doctor about this. Have her explain to your mom anything, maybe that your nerves are high and itd be best if things stayed very quiet and that your free to invite her in at any time.

Answer 8

Dont call them until the baby is born. If they somehow find out you are in labor & arrive at the hospital uninvited (which is pretty rude BTW) you have every right to not have them in the room while you are laboring. If they all barge in have the nurse call security. They can wait in the waitg room.

Answer 9

If you tell staff at the hospital you want NO visitors they will honour this and turn them away. You will need to explain that some may be pushy but you dont want them in, they will understand. If you tell your family you are doing this they might realise how serious you are and not bother, if they do turn up then they cant say you didnt warn them. How rude of them not to respect to your wishes! Good luck with everything xxx

Answer 10

That sounds like my Mother-in law, She will do what she wants when she wants. Though it seems deceptive not to call her that may be your only choice. I called EVERYONE with my first born, and everyone was outside the delivery room, But with my 2nd one, I was induced, I told everyone we will call you when she is here. So you may just have to wait and call after your baby is here. By the way Congrats.