Torn in 2...8 weeks pregnant, I desperately want it, but cant ??? PLEASE HELP ME?

Question

Its kind of a long story but will keep it as short as poss.
Im married to 2nd hubby, I have 4 children 2 of each from 1st marriage, now ages 18,16,12 & 10. I am 38 tmw!
Im such a maternal person, and we have been trying for our own baby for 6 years now, Hubby has a low pserm count, he was born with high testes and had 6 ops to 'keep' them down, but then had 1 removed in an accident in his teens.
I will be perfectly honest and say theat I am not 100% happy, but my kids are settled and have eventually 9 years on come through the divorce!
So now heres the problem, Ive been very foolish and had a short fling with a guy from work, I know how wrong it was and finished it weeks ago! But now Im 8 weeks pregnant.!!
For once in the past 6 years I feel complete, worthwhile..... HAPPY!!Yet in total turmoil, the father does love me, he wants it all. I just cant put my kids through all the hurt again. Also the father is coloured!
I know what i need 2 do.. Just some words of advice pls

to Amy.... I know this!! Your right.

COLOUR.....I mentioned the colour purely before any1 mentioned that i could pretend its hubbies.My stepfather is coloured and i adore him.
I know I have made a mistake,a huge 1! I dindt go out to get pregnant,infact I did wonder whether my fertility wasnt 100% for the past 3 years,obvioulsy not!
I know that the best thing all round is to learn hard from this 1( and also my 1st) mistake.I KNOW what my kids will have to go through,Ive been there and nurtured them through it and its been a hellish place for .Theyve just come through,I have decieved my dear hubby,who has helped me through the pain of cheating, and to turn round in the second sentence and say im pregnant, would crush him!But sadly I dont have that 'emptyness' feeling liike i have the majority of the time, Im complete, yet so sad.
I can only see one choice, iwill go through this termination and concentrate on the wonderful family that Im blessed with. Thankyou for all your words of honesty. All the best.

I must add that my husband and my kids are all under the impression that everythings A OK!Biological father walked out 9 YR AGO.They dont know im pg.The childrens bio father walked out on them 9 yrs ago(he had cheated the whole 15 yrs),we seemed the perfect family,no warning.!he lives 10 mins walk away and we havent seen or heard from him since that fateful day!My daughter has gone through selfharming,depression,she is now 18yrs old,JUST getting her self asteem together,its been real hard for them all to completely let thier guards down,they have JUST done so!My husband adopted them all 2 years ago.When I hear 'they will forgive u!'.I know my children,I have let them,my husband and myslef down &there are no excusees to be made.Yes I am maternal,and yes I truelly want this baby,BUT to be able to foresee the hurt and pain their 'happy' mum is about to put them through is tearing me apart.I am thinking all the time about 'every1'!I have been so close in sitting hubby down.Thanku all.

Answer 1

call Maury Povich

Answer 2

Does your husband/family have any idea how unhappy you have been? I know it sounds harsh but you cannot live you life and forfiet your own happiness for the sake of your children. I'm sure if your children knew that you were unhappy they would support you. If you stay in this marriage for the wrong reasons this will only affect your children further. Maybe it's not just the pregnancy that is making you feel complete. It could be the fact that you are now having to re-evaluate your relationship with your husband and are realising that you are not entirely happy with the marriage.

My parents divorced when I was 7 and we were brought up solely by our mother. My father was never interested and it took me years to get over his. My mother never remarried but we did in effect have a step father. When that relationship broke down it didn't affect us in the same way because we were a little older and understood that our mother was not happy. When she left she changed and this affected us for the right reasons.

I'm sure your children would rather you were happy and giving them a good upbringing. Rather than settling with what you've got just so that they have a two parent family.

Remember it is possible to overcome another break-up and your children are older now and it may be better to teach them that it is wrong to stay in a relationship with someone when you are unhappy just for the sake of the kids. It can only aid their decisions regarding relationships in later life. I am glad my mother never stayed in either of her relationships because she was unhappy and that affected us. I have now grown up and have a child of my own. She is the most important person in my life. I have a wonderful husband to be and I have my mother to thank for that because she taught us never to settle for second best and to always ensure that our partners made us happy.

I would say that before you make any hasty decisions about the pregancy you need to sit down and think about why you needed to go outside the marriage and be with this other man. The pregnancy could be a blessing in disguise and mark the start of a happy life with just you and your children. Take some time out and speak to someone who is trained in dealing with these dilemas.

Answer 3

Well, you're living a lie just now as far as I can see. You care about your husband but don't feel a huge commitment. Who's to say it won't all go down the pan in a couple of years anyway? Maybe he's more perceptive than you think. Maybe the stress of trying unsuccessfully for a baby is clouding your relationship?
Give your husband the benefit and respect he deserves; tell him, let him have a say in what you decide. As for running into the arms of the other one, don't bother. He knew you were attached when he went with you, little respect for that!
Your kids will be hurt yes, but if your husband and you decide to try to work it out you could overcome this.
I wrapped my daughter up in cotton wool to protect her from my split, she still was hurt by it. You can never tell how they'll cope.
Please talk to husband. He deserves that much.
x

Answer 4

I feel as if you need to pray to God for guidance. God gives us all choices and this choice is yours. each pregnancy is a blessing. Killing an Innocent baby sometimes isn't always the right answer. Don't let the child suffer for your mistake. The baby is never a mistake!! Also don't listen to all the negative talk about what you should do. This is your life!! Just because someone else's situation failed does not mean that yours will. Be positive. Be strong and everything else will work out. We all make mistakes, no one is perfect. Not even your husband. If your husband truly loves you he'll forgive you and accept the baby no matter what the color is. Love conquers all.

Answer 5

Im here and im gonna give you my opinion on what i would do in your situation, If the baby is born coloured and you didnt tell your husband, he is gonna be so hurt and know you lied to him. If you have been trying for a long time to have a baby with your husband and you suddenly get pregnant once you are sleeping with someone else the chances are its not your husbands! I know this sounds selfish but if you want to save your marriage i would consider abortion. You have a family to consider and there could be so much hurt from this that you might regret. Its a horrible thing to decide but its your choice im sorry i wish i could fix it for you. Good luck xxxxx

Answer 6

You need to decide what is best for you, to keep the baby or not. I do not believe in abortion as a form of birth control personally. First, get honest with your husband. Regardless of this pregnancy, something was not right in your marriage as you were having an affair. If its over with him, then its over. If you both really love each other perhaps something can be salvaged including the new baby. You do not have to have an abortion because youre afraid of what other people will think or because youre afraid of hurting your kids. They will probably get mad at you, but you are their mother and they will eventually get over it. If you want to keep the baby, it will be hard but you have to be strong and endure it. If abortion seems like a bettter option, go for it, but make sure you are diong it for the right reasons. You are th eone that has to live with it, not anyone else. From what it soudns like, you are not a person who could easily have an abortion and just move on. The fact is, the babys here now so you have to deal with it and so does everyone else.

Answer 7

You have to follow your heart. what is more important to you? I have to say that no child should have to suffer because they are a result of an affair. No matter what your choice is, you should not get rid of the baby because it is like murder, it doesn't matter if its just 8 weeks its still a life, a chance you are taking from a being without a choice. it would be different if this was a medical factor, but it is not. you have to choose which man you LOVE and not lust for and go from there. children can get over divorce and all but the loss of a sibling not yet met is painful. i know all of this pretty much first hand as a child it happened to. look your kids will love you no matter what, your their mother, and its your choice, just make sure its the right one.
and if you choose not to stay with the man and that keeping the child would be to painful just remember there are adoption agencies, give the child a chance.

Answer 8

Girl, have your baby. This exact same thing happened to me 15 years ago. I have the most beautiful 13 year old bi-racial daughter, who is the love of my life. Her father is not in the picture and I am raising her myself. It is the best decision that I ever made. People forgive. My older kids...25 and 22 are the best with her. Time heals all wounds. I hope you make the best choice that you can live with. Good Luck and my prayers are with you...remember that no one is perfect. ( I almost forgot to mention that I was 40 when she was born.)

Answer 9

Obviously your not happy with your hubby if you slept with someone else. Just keep your baby. I think the guilt will get to you really bad You will regret getting rid of the baby ( you are already unhappy) and you will feel guilty hiding this from your husband. The guilt will weigh down on you. Does your husband know your unhappy?? You need to be honest with him and tell him what happened. I know its going to hurt him and your children, but you also dont want to live with that for the rest of your life either. Hard decisions, but dont get rid of your baby.

Answer 10

Do what your conscience tells you is the right thing, you are old enough to take responsibility for what you have done ...but is it really fair to punish the innocent life you have created to save yourself stress?..you can face the music or the regret (I believe most women who have a termination regret it for years later).
It also depends on the strength of your current relationship,your partner may stand by you or you could go it alone...I think after what you have done the realistic answer is that its over anyway so your kids are still going to go through the relationship breaking up baby or not. Don't rush into anything unless you have thought through all your options.Good luck and I really hope you do the right thing!

Answer 11

First you have to come clean to your husband. You mentioned the father of the baby loves you and wants you, and if you love and want to be with him, then it's ok to leave your situation to be with him (Should have done that before the fling, but hindsight is 20/20. Just learn from this one.) Your kids will still stand by you. It'll be tough, but if you are in love with the fling guy, then be with him.