I have a friend that has an almost 4 year old, and an almost 2 year old. She is divorced and just started dating again. There is a guy she went out on a date with, and they took the kids. She said that her son flipped out about the guy putting his hand on her leg. I guess he pushed his hand away and then put his hands there. She just isn't sure how to break it to the kids that she will be dating again. Also, the 4 year old has some learning disabilities, so she isn't sure how to tell him so he will understand.
2007-03-18 04:23:58 · 20 answers · asked by odd duck 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She wants the men to know her kids and be introduced to them so they know what they are getting into when dating her. Her kids are pretty hard, and her oldest is developmentally disabled. He has bad behavior anyway, in fact it's horrible!! I told her that she just needs to explain to him that this is a friend of mommies, and he isn't there to take her away from the kids. I think that's the problem the kid is having. I just don't think he understands that this guy isn't after his mom to take her away from him. She doesn't believe in sex before marriage, so the kids wouldn't be exposed to anything like that. It would just be meeting them and spending some time with them. She thinks it's important for the kids learn to accept new people. I think she's moving too fast and needs to slow down anyway, but who am I to say anything? She wouldn't listen to me anyways.
2007-03-18 07:34:21 · update #1
"Mommy's special friend.."...?
Mommy- "Junior, why did you do that?"
Junior- "(expresses fear of whatever)"
Mommy- "This is my friend, he's (something to allay Junior's fears)"
One suggestion, though. If Junior is that concerned about someone usurping (in his mind) Daddy's place, maybe that's something Mommy needs to address- That Daddy doesn't want to be a part of our family anymore... (or whatever), but Mommy still needs friends, and this man is one of them....
2007-03-18 14:58:08 · answer #1 · answered by Yoda's Duck 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What are you talking about the kids 3 years old for crying out loud She doesn't have to explain anything to this kid hes not going to give a darn what she is saying anyway and if you keep putting it in the kids head its going to create a problem if she needs somebody to talk to about her relation tell her to talk to a grown up . She should just act normally no need to explain to a 3 year old about relations teach the child its a,b,c, Now I'm not sure who has the learning disability her or the kid
2007-03-18 04:57:07 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing for your friend to do is to stop taking her kids on dates. They don't need people coming in and out of their lives like that. And she should have an adult life of her own, without having to explain it to her children. (So long as she's being safe and responsible.)
When she meets someone she really likes, and when she's fairly certain the relationship is a long-term deal, then it's OK to introduce the kids to "Mommy's friend," but she should take it very slowly and be sensitive to the fact that her kids might see her friend as a threat to their time with her.
Edit: Whoa! Tabbycat and I think alike.
2007-03-18 04:41:09 · answer #3 · answered by ihatesunsets 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't burden children with adult issues, especially at that age. Just tell them that mommy is going out for awhile, & will be back soon. It doesn't matter whether it's for a date or work, or the grocery store. Most kids don't like mommy to go out & leave them behind even if it's for 5 minutes, & that's the only part that a 2 to 4yo will understand anyway.
2007-03-18 04:30:41 · answer #4 · answered by No More 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a single parent of a 2yr and 12yr old. You don't need to tell them anything until it gets serious. You don't want a bunch of guys in and out of your children's life. Hire a sitter when she has a date. If you can't afford one you could have the date come over after the child goes to bed. Once things get serious, then tell the children that mommy found a new friend. They may be jealous at first, but with patience they will eventually come to like your new friend if he is good to them. Don't expect the children to like him right away it will take them a little while to adjust to the situation. Take it slow and good luck.
2007-03-18 04:38:03 · answer #5 · answered by tabbycat 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She could tell the son" I need help with things you can't do I need a man in the house so he could do that for me" If the son doesn't like it tell him " Well, I have to date sometimes. I have feelings and need love just like you do." The 4 year old, you should say " Honey, Mommys going to get you a new daddy. " your new daddy will want to be your daddy if you are nice to him" " his name is --------- and he is nice. I hope this helps. It worked before. Or keep the four year old around the guy so she gets used to him and tell the little ones that is your best friend you like a lot.
2007-03-18 04:33:16 · answer #6 · answered by Annie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, she shouldn't be dating. She has put the kid through enough. She needs to stop being selfish, and concentrate everything on her child. There will be plenty of time to date when her youngest has turned 18.
Now, if she persists in dating, that is different. She shouldn't be even introducing her kids to all of these "uncles", until things are really, really serious and they are planning marriage. Kids get way too attached to another figure coming into their lives, so they shouldn't be led on and disappointed.
2007-03-18 06:24:30 · answer #7 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Miranda,tell your friend to talk with her kids, right now both child are in sensitive age,and it doesn't help knowing that their daddy is not at home anymore. What she needs to do is tell her kids that Mommy met this good friend that likes her company, but it doesn't mean he will take the place of their dad. Tell her to use her heart,and never put down her ex in front of her kids. And also tell her to tell this man that if they will bring the kids out, both of their feelings for each others needs to do behind close door. Kids do pick up on this..........hope this help..
2007-03-18 04:44:43 · answer #8 · answered by islandgirl06 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow... uhh... well... I'm no mom and hardly a teen but I know how to deal with feelings. If I were the 4-year-old, I'd definitely be upset, but... I can offer two solutions.
1: Tell the kid that mom's been having a hard time since the divorce and she needs comfort. And if he wants mom to be happy, he'll understand that.
2, if he still won't understand: Tell the kid that you want the best for mom and what mom thinks is best is for her to find another mate and that mom knows she's making a good decision.
2007-03-18 04:30:33 · answer #9 · answered by Frances Wu 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think that is an concept at their ages that is hard to understand.. perhaps she should have a sitter when she goes on dates.. and when she finds a trust worthy man to be allowed around young girls you then slowly incorporate them in outings,him coming to dinner... there are just to many pedophiles that look for women/families like this and you see/hear the sad sad stories. It should be considered a privilege for men that you are dating to be exposed to your babies.I would do a back ground check on a new man in my life that is exposed to my kids.. they come first and as a mother we must protect our kids from these predators
2007-03-18 04:35:08 · answer #10 · answered by MJ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He won't understand anything about love relationships because he is incapable of at such a young age...
She will just have to wait, in the meantime, the guy needs to put up all his effort to gain the confidence in those kids...
2007-03-18 04:28:05 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋