how can i learn how to have a relashionship with a girl or get a girl to go out with me?

Question

i have borderline pd im waiting for therapy. i have very low self esteem. i have no friends, and iam socially isolated. i hardly ever go out because of great anxiety and inner anger. im hopin therapy can help me with this when i get it. meanwhile the main contact i have with people and girls is with through the internet, places like myspace. but the problem is i cant get any girl to respond to me, when i leave them messages. plus i struggle to talk to them because of low self esteem. and i cant talk to them without appearing, 'needy' and my insecurities coming through. because of my lonliness and isolation, i crave intamacy early and it frightens off any encounters i make with girls. iam a physically ageing 29 year old. i feel im unable to attract girls i like and never really have done, because of my problems. im so tired of bein alone. can anyone help?

Answer 1

You're stuck in a vicious cycle, where you're lonely, you come across as desperate, and so therefore you get even lonelier ... and so on, in ever decreasing circles till you hit the point in the middle which is pure isolation.

You need to break the cycle. How? Instead of trying to message people in hope, sit and think. So OK, you have borderline personality disorder, well, we're all human and we all have our faults. You are going to get therapy so don't fret about it. Simply accept it. Once you accept it, you might feel better about yourself - it becomes just another condition to live with, like a heart murmur or diabetes. Get help and manage it.

When you are less stressed about the BPD, then you might feel less angry and less anxious. The next step would be to think long and hard about what your interests are, then go join a club or society where you might meet like-minded people. Or even like-minded girls ...

So you see, you really need to break out of your current negative vicious circle, and start a new positive cycle that will lead you closer to positive outcomes. My only advice is to not fixate on the outcome being a relationship, just focus on positive steps and wait to see what happens. That way, you'll be pleasantly surprised.

Good luck.

Answer 2

it's a great thing that you are aware of your problem and trying to solve it, I am sure therapy will help. from what I can see, you are a nice person, and I think anybody would be happy to be your friend or girlfriend, but you need to take the forst step, just stop spending all your time online and try to get out of the house. just small things at first, take a short walk, and smile to the people who pass by, then start with your therapy. you are not too needy or anything, you just have a problem that you are trying to solve, and that's a great and brave thing to do. so, don't feel bad about it, just keep at the right track. best of luck!

Answer 3

the only real way to learn how to have a relationship is by interacting with others
you are aware of your difficulties and that is good.
a good start is not to expect too much from anyone
second point is to reduce time spent online - talk to people
third is to let your therapy start and let it offer you new insights into your personality and caracter - i guess i am trying to say let it help you get to know your self before you start a relationship with another person

Answer 4

hey
what are your interests apart from women, books, chess films music?
to meet people the best way is through your hobbies. community meetings and clubs are great. most places have art classes drama classes, chess clubs, book clubs and mivie get tegethers etc,
these kind of things will help you meet people and WILL help your confidence and self esteem. in time youl find you have more to speak about and youl want to be heard.
all women love confidence, even shy guys can have this just learn to like yourself.
in life what is for you doesnt go past you,

Answer 5

Well, i think of you as VERY brave that your seeking help for yourself! I think therapy will really help you! My father is a pyschologist! You need to stop thinking about what your saying and how your saying it, next time you talk to a girl, sit up straight, and think confident, i know its not as easy as it sounds, but truly, it'll never happen if you dont make the effort to try! Next time you speak to someone, instead of focusing on how your feeling about talking to this person, relax a little more and nicely ask a little about them, and then maybe go into little detail about your problems, and say how you have low self esteem and you've recently been seeking help! Its quite charming! Girls love talking about them, thats the secret! Just chill, get advice, speak to your therapist, and make SURE you tell him EVERYTHING your feeling...he will help!
Best wishes...Good luck, and i really hope i helped a little! You'll find a girl, there are girls just like you! There is one out there for you, i promise!

Answer 6

if you are aware of all these problems you have, you should really look into the reasons for them.
get up in the morning and psychologicaly prepare yourself. tell yourself you are a good person and go out in the world and smile kindly. get some coffee. go to the park. most importantly, dont look for a girlfriend, look for a friend. and things will develop from there.

Answer 7

just get yourself out there. try not to look for a relationship but for friends, you can go from there. they dont even have to be female friends but any friends will help you gain your self esteem, you will have to build upto a relationship not jump straight into one, give yourself small managable goals and go from one small goal to the next, not straight to the main aim cos you will be shooting too far too soon and miss, and this will only knock your self esteem even more. good luck and i hope this helps

Answer 8

OMG! Kia? Leave the psychology to your dad and don't quit your day job...lol...then tell her you have low self esteem...lolololololololol! KIA? ASK DAD IF THAT IS NOT THE QUICKEST WAY TO SEND THE WOMEN RUNNING AWAY LIKE HE HAS NIGHT CRAWLERS COMING OUT OF HIS MOUTH AND NOSE!!!!! Absolutely ridiculous answer Ms. Sunshiny smile that knows hardly a thing about what her dad does for a living. LOL!

Okay, now to the asker. What the hell is PD? Penile dysfunction? Parkinsons disease, protruding disc, periodontal disease, psychotic depression? Physically disabled? Be more specific and please, take your butt down to a barber stylist and do something with your hair! Get a job that pays half a c r a p and make yourself wantable to women. Some of the most disabled men in the world have some of the most beautiful women and you want to know why? Because they know to expound on their attributes and they don't sit around like the lonely geek on the playground crying, "Why doesn't anyone want to play with me?" You sound to me like you never will get a woman with your wimpy, washed up, cry baby attitude unless you can scrounge up $20.00 for the local hooker and maybe get some fellatio. If she is really ugly, you may just get laid for that $20.00!!!! LOL LOL LOL LOL

Stop being a cry baby and maybe, if you quit going after those who you know are pretty, but way out of your league, you will run smack into the lady that is perfect for you. There is a love for everyone out there. You have to quit brooding and start living your life. She will drop in your lap like the collection basket at church as long as you quit feeling sorry for yourself and remember that it is great just to be alive. You need to quit spending so much time concentrating on what you don't have and spend more time on what you do have. People notice positive people. Sorry if I sound mean but it sounds like you need a kick in the head to make you wake up to the fact that you are here and alive for a reason. If you are depressed, seek help. Otherwise, you will stay stuck in your lonely little row boat out on Pity Lake forever. Good luck.

Get your butt up and get on with it and for gawd sake, quit blubbering.

Answer 9

First, you need to take care of yourself. You can never love someone until you love yourself. Get some help first...and once you feel better then start looking for someone.

Answer 10

You need to work on your issues before looking to someone else to fill that void. Self improvement, concentrate on getting you sorted and happy and the rest will fall into place.