Husband never said he was sorry. He cannot understand why I am continuously hurt by the situation. He said I ***** and fuss about something (affair) in the past and that its not that much hurt in the world. I have filed for divorce, he won't leave the home. He pay few bills and became disabled after affair. He won't talk to me about much, has been verbally abusive. He has an "I don't care about anything attitude", and said that I should be submissive and like his mistress. I am in counseling for this situation. I am the full-time bread winner and pay the most significant household bills. He gets social security but won't discuss his disability or income with me stating "it's none of your business". The children are sad, confused, and torn. The oldest tends to lean more on him, because of the gifts he buys them both. My husband refuses, counseling, and has no friends. He talks to his distant siblings who have always hated me and loved his former girlfriend. No support (me).
2007-03-18 01:50:54 · 20 answers · asked by jzypeaches 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
you should find a good lawyer and divorce him and keep him out of your house...he cheated so you can divorce him easily
2007-03-18 01:59:51 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait a minute! Alot of the answers so far that I see are so easy for these other people to say when they are not in your situation. You seem to want to work on your marriage. You said you want to try and forgive him. You have 2 children. You have 19 years invested here. Try and work it out! Just be very cautious. You have found out about 2 affairs. I would be certain that you would find out about more than these 2 affairs if you were to try. I would be hesitant to trust him again. There is your conflict. Forgive him, but, watch him for a while. I mean watch him CLOSE! These affairs from the past, what were the circumstances that these affairs took place? I mean, where was he supposedly gone to? Who did he tell you he was with? I would follow him a few times. You can rent a car, borrow one, etc . . . Just give it some time and see if you think you can really trust him or not. You may have given him a good wake up call and he may not do something so stupid ever again because he realizes that he has a wife and family to risk losing if he does. If you can afford to, even have him followed by a professional private investigator. After some time, your trust will come back or you will learn that you should not trust him. Best wishes!
2016-03-29 04:42:33 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let your lawyer care about him leaving the house, tell him everything you told us now - don't leave the house, because if you do that, you'll likely end up with nothing. You don't want your kids to learn, that it is ok to treat a woman like this - we live in the 21st century, and if his mistress is so submissive, he's free to go and to live with her. And he'll be forced to tell about his income, once child-support comes into play. You're the full-time-bread winner, you'll be able to support yourself and the kids without his help, you won't suffer poverty.
Move on, you don't need to put up with this ****. Let your lawyer handle it and don't do anything, ex could use against you.
Good Luck!
2007-03-18 02:46:41 · answer #3 · answered by Chevrolet*Blazer*Girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From everything you said in your question, your husband sounds like a very manipulative man. Get a very good attorney and tell them everything. You are vulnerable in some very important areas. Do everything your attorney says, then get on with your life. You can't imagine how happy you can be! He is a loser and doesn't deserve you. He can't even make himself fight for you. Your going through the worst part right now. Once you get moving towards a better life, you'll feel much stronger. Good luck!
2007-03-18 03:18:30 · answer #4 · answered by Connie C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do am sorry for what you've been through, been there and still am, mine was only 3 months ago,and your talking about pain,betrayal,still have it especially my teenagers. We were married for 22 years,and like your hubby he just don't like talking about it. He said that he was sorry,he already talked to his pastor and was forgiven already, but my point was it was I and my kids that was ruined by it,not him.
People here will give you lots of opinion and suggestion but whats important is it is you that needs to make the final solution with whats going on. You said that you've filed for divorce but he wont leave your home, if you want him out, talk to your lawyer and he will file for restriction against him. You need to have peace in your mind, what his doing to you is not good for your health,esp. for the kids sake. His not even guilty for his affairs,so why give a damn. This is your life now and you are a strong person so make the move for your sake. If you want to talk,let me know,I'll be here....good luck...
2007-03-18 02:35:05 · answer #5 · answered by islandgirl06 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is going to be hard after being married that many years. I think what you should do is continue with the divorce, if he comes around after that and changes and willing to talk about what is going on, GREAT!!! If not, you have yourself and kids to take care of, move on. Your kids may be mad at you at first, but in the long run they will see why you had to do it. Good luck, this isn't going to be easy.
2007-03-18 02:16:09 · answer #6 · answered by dakota_gal_1968 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are in a very bad situation and should get out i also feel ha has manipulated your children against you as well making you the strong parent who allways has to say "no" and the strict parent who allways has to discipline them while all he has to do is buy them gifts and share is "love" if you must go you must ,try taking the younger kids at least (let him have visitation ) the oldest will soon learn dad just wanted them around so when mom left he could boss them around !
2007-03-18 02:00:06 · answer #7 · answered by gands4ever 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's difficult to divorce after so many years but it is something you should bear in mind if it gets to the point tha you think it's best from a mental health standpoint. At ths point, I would recommend that you just stop bringing up the subject and he may want to talk about it somewhere down the road. if the relationship doesn't improve, divorce many be your only option.
2007-03-18 01:58:33 · answer #8 · answered by Grampa 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
since you making all the money why dont you just take the kids and leave his sour *** in the house and that way he can deal with that **** by himself dont stay there with that your smart counselor should have told you that especially if yo paying him or her. And remind your kids that daddy can buy anything he wants but what loving his family whats gonna happen when he runs out of things to buy. Since he wont go you need to leave ASAP
2007-03-18 02:00:19 · answer #9 · answered by toofavorable 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like one seriously messed up guy. Divorce him, evict him if you have to. He won't be able to buy the children's affection forever. Clearly he can't maintain any sort of relationship. If he is still with the mistress tell him to move in with her. You don't need this person in your life anymore.
2007-03-18 02:25:26 · answer #10 · answered by gerrifriend 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Continue with the divorce it is only going to ruin u and your kids. Cant you see that it is hurting you and the kids already. You are in counseling for something that he should be in counseling for. Its taking time away from yourself and your kids.
2007-03-18 03:45:32 · answer #11 · answered by Worried wife 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋