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I have a major problem, and it involves saying 'no'.

I can't do it!

I mean, obviously I can say no in general conversation and to really stupid stuff, but when it comes down to a situation where it's only going to affect me and the person doing the asking, the word can't escape my lips.

Like I posted on the ciggie thread, I give LOADS of ciggies away. People around here always ask, and I can never say no. Even just total strangers on the train or in a club, i'll give away 30 in a night! I DO NOT have the money to do that, but I can't stand to feel selfish. At they'd know if I lied about having any as soon as I sparked up!

Similarly, I can't say no when it comes to someone trying to get with me. The other day I was in a bar and ended up making out with some guy (admittedly, he was very attractive, but I still don't normally consider it good to do things like that) because I

2007-03-18 01:32:04 · 9 answers · asked by Pebbles 5 in Social Science Psychology

was so worried that saying no would offend him or affect his confidence. I know first-hand how awful it is to be made to feel unnattractive by anyone, I never want to make anyone feel like that. In the end, I texted my friend who was in a club up the road who came and rescued me - I felt that there was nothing that I could do on my own. I also sometimes end up using my brother as an excuse - he's VERY notorious around these parts as a gangster, and he's a 6 ft monster of a bloke, and a semi-pro weightlifter... so if I feel a bit intimidated by a bloke or bird trying to push themselves onto me I drop him into conversation... "Do you know ***?" (response is almost always 'yes' or 'i've heard of him' or 'he's got a bit of a reputation') "oh, cool, he's my brother! He's a lovely bloke really, a bit overprotective but he's always looked after me"...

I know I shouldn't use him like that, but I can't help it, it just feels like I can't turn someone away.

2007-03-18 01:32:30 · update #1

I'm similar with my time. Even if i'm nackered, have a million things to do and havn't even stopped for one moment that day, if someone asks for my help with something, I have to do it, even if i'm close to the point of collapsing.

How can I learn to just say no?

2007-03-18 01:32:47 · update #2

9 answers

I used to have the same problem and I stopped it by having conversations without myself. Someone asks me for a cigarette, I stop and think first, screaming the word "no" in my head. I say, "Sorry, I can't spare any". I still feel like I have to apologize for it, but I've gotten a lot better. I also leave sticky notes around to remind me. It gets easier with practice...

2007-03-18 01:42:04 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

You need to remember that people will still like you if you say no! And that man's self-esteem would remain the same if you had said no. He may have been put down, but he wouldn't have given it a second thought later on. (The next day)

As with the cigarettes, you should start saying no. Stop and think that the person asking has friends who all have cigarettes and can get one from them, so you don't have to give him one. Then say "No, sorry. I only a have a couple left." They move on and find someone else to bum a cigarette from. (I had this problem at school with gum, it stopped once I started saying no, and everyone did find someone else to find gum from. They just had to look.)

Don't let yourself feel guilty for saying it either. People have a right to choose what they want to do and share with people. You're not a bad person for it!

The more you say no, the easier it will get. Even if you say no right after saying yes, it's still better and in the long run you'll feel better about yourself.

2007-03-18 08:48:31 · answer #2 · answered by smelly pickles 4 · 0 0

Realizing you are way too easy and not letting other people use you anymore. Keep a few standard answers that are nicer than saying no but still mean the same. And then don't think of them making anyone feel bad. Tell them "I wish I could, but I can't" and "I'm so sorry, No" and "I don't have enough" and "I just barely have enough for me" and "I gave too many away, sorry". Unless you grow a spine or get some guts, you will have to resort to those phrases. Good luck.

2007-03-18 10:11:12 · answer #3 · answered by Dovey 7 · 0 0

Yes it's easy to say yes. We have this mistaken notion that people only like people who are "agreeable." "No" is for spoilsports.

I used to be like that too. I'd do stupid dares like eating a nasty blend of leftovers, and everyone would cheer me on as I did these things. (Eat! Eat! Eat!) Then it came to a point when I just said, "the hell with this, this is just stupid."

You were not made to appease everyone else, so you don't have to. Those who get with you just because you're "all yes" don't truly value you. Know the people who accept you even if you don't agree on everything and stick with them. It entails a lot of work and getting out of your comfort level, (as some of the answers above state,) but stick with it and you'll find yourself in deeper, more meaningful relationships.

2007-03-18 09:01:37 · answer #4 · answered by em 1 · 1 0

You just need to say NO..If you don't you will go through life being used..You should have more respect for yourself saying NO does not make you a selfish person so you need to get that out of your head..Best Wishes.

2007-03-18 08:45:43 · answer #5 · answered by Maureen B 5 · 0 0

I used to have that problem, how I cured it is to look in the mirror and practice and I'll tell ya something..once you do it once it gets easier and easier.Look in the mirror and practice saying no.Get your best friend or your brother ask you for ciggs. and practice saying,"no,I'm sorry I don't have enough".If you don't nip this now it will get worse as you get older.

2007-03-18 08:58:53 · answer #6 · answered by little3nikki 3 · 0 0

Do the same people ask you for cigs everyday? They would be using you then. If that doesn't make you mad enough to say no, let me know.

2007-03-18 08:41:13 · answer #7 · answered by guy o 5 · 0 0

Just tell them Your very attractive I can't lie but it just doesn't seem right sorry "no"

2007-03-18 08:41:20 · answer #8 · answered by carol j 1 · 0 0

It's like drugs. You just have to say "NO"! and quit "cold-turkey".

2007-03-18 08:38:13 · answer #9 · answered by JOURNEY 5 · 0 0

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