How can I stop bringing his past exes up? Men, please help!?

Question

It is completely making me anxious and insecure but I can't stop asking my husband about his past gfs.

How do I stop myself from asking him? It is making our relationship strained. Also, the reason for this is he kept a lot of things from me prior to getting married (i.e. the nature of his past relationships). Why do men keep things from their significant other?

Answer 1

Whoever was in his life before you, made him into the guy he is today that you wanted to marry. If he wanted one of his exes, he probably would not have married you. Just live in the here and now. I had a girlfriend just like you. The only time I ever thought about past relationships, is when she brought it up. And he is probably the same.

Answer 2

FIrst of all, why do you want to know? Everyone has a past and maybe the more he tells you the worse you get.
He married you. Not them. Let it go. Or you will lose him.
Sometimes men keep things from people they love because they dont want to hurt them or know the consequences. What will you do with this information? Look up the women to see what they look like? Get more details?
Take this energy making your marriage better and move on.
It will take some time but if you do not, you will soon be an ex that another woman will want to know about.

Answer 3

28,

You know, I could understand your apprehensions if, say, you happened to be cleaning the attic one Monday morning and you came across a stash of his old mementos...love letters, nude pictures, panties, a diaphragm, a 'black book' with names, numbers, dates and 'stars' in the notes...

OR if he was somehow guilty of flaunting his conquests in his earlier years...even if you overheard him and his buddies, and one of them called him 'machine,' or something equally inane...

I'm guessing such is not the case...you got all the information by asking him, no, pestering him until he relents and tells you what you demand to know, just to get you off his back. Though you tell him that whatever he may share will not be used against him, somehow you always make sure that he feels very bad for telling you what you demanded to know...correct?

If he's given you no reason for concern, why are you so insecure? I doubt that he was intentionally keeping things from you to hurt you...I think almost everyone would agree that it's in quite poor taste to speak in detail about past relationships. I know for a fact that I do NOT want to hear about how your last boyfriend was such a total jerk and loser, but the sex was good because he was sooo big and knew how to use 'it'...so why would he do that to you?

He married YOU. That should tell you that no matter what happened before, you were the one worthy of sharing his life. If anything, you should feel secure in the fact that he had some choices to make, and out of all of them, you were by far the best. If you can't live with that, then I suggest you end it soon, because you obviously equate a man with his past instead of his qualities.


Rock,

Damn...wow.

Answer 4

I have been asking this question a few times my own. I understand 100% what you are trying to say. When I first started going out with my girl, it was the best time ever, or so I thought. I thought she was the one, so I got her pregnant. During her pregnancy when she moved to live with me, I found out alot about her that I didn't knew about. About her past relationships, and her feeling toward them. How? I onces went through her things and found a box of letters(she was at school) I read one by one(60) that when it sank in. From that day foward i couldnt and still can get over her past. I keep bringing up her exes, and i know she is tired of it, but i really, really dont know what to do. Its an everyday thing. this happened three years ago, and just yesterday, we had the same argument. It hurts to imagine her with someone else besides me, since I love her so much. I know its in her past and I need to get over it, because it aint non of my business, but I cant. My best advice for you is to leave him unless you are a mother of his baby. Because it will never stop. Never. and I know, it socks like a bithc right?

Answer 5

Hello:
You are causing yourself much undo pain by hanging on to
things that didn't involve you. I am not saying it is none of your
business but the fact remains, if anything "happened" between your "guy" and other women before he knew you
it truly is none of your business now. You are just making
yourself insecure. No one else can do that but you. Try to
look at yourself in a more positive light and your life will turn itself around. You don't need to re-hash the past to be happy it will only make you sadder.
Take my advice and remember HE IS with YOU, not THEM.
Try to have just a little more self esteem, you are WORTH it.
Good Luck.

Answer 6

Men should shoe box all their memories from past relationships (pictures, ticket stubs ect...) and put them away in a place where they can not be found. If you move in together or get married and share a place then they shouldnt follow him. Everyone has a history and you should try to accept he has one too. If these items are laying around then ask him to do something with them, explain that they make you uncomfortable. Ask him to let go of the past.

Answer 7

why ? are you diging up the past you should have ask him or find out more about the man you married before you said I DO in in front of God and and man you both have to change what your doing Change involves work.Thinking patterns determine your heart you both have to get the hurt and dirt out of your lives .The manifestation of what you are inside is what you do on the outside.Remember this the past you canot change the future is what you make it you have the power to change it .Two great thing in marriage love and forgiveness all the best to you and your husband.

Answer 8

What one person sometimes starts like cheating, the other person will do revenge. So it is best to let things go anyway most people hate their ex's. It might get hatefull where you start fist fighting over this so let it go.

Do you really want to be happy in this relationship? I would suggest you leave if you don't want your mate to smile because it is not a happy situation for be hearing your ex's name especially if you really really hate them.

What do you gain out of trying to find out about his ex? What if he starts bringing your ex's up too? Or is the topic you really love to discuss, discuss your failed relationships?
Dwelling on the past sometimes does not cause a person to move on.

Answer 9

Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow may never come. All you have is today. Its not about knowing all about his past or him knowing all about your past. Its about giving your all to him now, today. Its about what you make of your life together today. We all do stupid things in life, make mistakes, dont make the wisest decisions, and are foolish at times. Your marriage is a covenant between the two of you and you must develop it to be what you desire it to be. Love one another for today and for each other together.
Love Is the Greatest

1 If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. 3 If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it;[a] but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.
4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
8 Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages[b] and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever! 9 Now our knowledge is partial and incomplete, and even the gift of prophecy reveals only part of the whole picture! 10 But when full understanding comes, these partial things will become useless.
11 When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. 12 Now we see things imperfectly as in a cloudy mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity.[c] All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.
13 Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.

Answer 10

just stop.
if you love him, then it was from the day you met. anything before that day is none of your business.
you should be happy you got him and not the other girls.
I know were you are coming from though. my first wife did me the same way. and this is true. Before it all started, all i ever thought about was her.......but after it started....over and over questions, how ....when....were......how many times........and so on........I started thinking about the times that we did have fun. i started thinking about the sex we had.
what she never knew was she was the first girl i had ever loved that way. all the other ones you could say i used for sex......but they knew it. < mind you this was the 80s>...
long story short.......I happened to run into one of these old girlfriends,....and up to then i kinda rubbed it in their face.....ya know like..........I'm happy and married, and we are starting a life together, and i love her so much..........
But this time after all the nagging over them, it was really good to talk to someone who wasent that way. one thing led to another, and i told her about all the questions and all.
her answer was one that hit home with me..........it brought out the old side of me.....so to speak,........
her answer was........we'll if she is going to acuse you of it.....might as well be quilty as charged.
we had our first affair together.
I had loved her at one time in the past. very long story short, i was married 14 years and 2 boys, but i had 3 girls with her, and never told a soul. I lived a split life all those years.
I wish i could of changed my life, but it happened. STOP ASKING!!!! good luck