This is a statement more then a question (but if you disagree or agree please tell me and WHY). I asked a more or less retorical question to get peoples views on a $8000 Wedding or a $40 000 wedding. I mentioned the word DIVORCE. I had several people tell me that if i had doubts then don't do it (fair enough) but i didn't say i had doubts - i was saying that you cannot pridect the futrue. What if my future husband became abusive? What happened if he developed a gambling/alchol/drug addiction that i have tried to help him but he just wont give up? Should i just suffer with him till i die or move on? I would move on personally. This is for all the numnuts that just state the obvious and have not actually thought of other's reasons for divorce etc
Please if you say "if you have any doubts..." don't reply
I also ask this because i had a few lectures/debates over this matter with friends and family and looking for more debate material
2007-03-16 22:45:55 · 12 answers · asked by waltzing matilda 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Everyone should consider that at some point in their life their spouse and thereself may choose different spiritual paths. This may be a subconscious event(most people don't take into consideration their soul's purpose), in which case their energies simply won't mesh/connect/unite like they used to. This is a sign of energies growing apart and choosing different paths. Because you cannot predict what the universe has in store for you, it is not wise to promise something that you cannot. But that isn't to say that marriage shouldn't exist. Maybe people should simply omit the promise to be with you forever part. That wouldn't make the marriage any less sacred. But then a new purpose for the marriage would have to be realized and stated. There is no right or wrong way of going about it, there is only what the couple choose to experience through each other through the marriage.
2007-03-16 23:00:30 · answer #1 · answered by Pallas 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds a little bit like you don't know your fiance too well. I think that could be an issue. Second of all divorce is altogether too easily granted by alot of people whom are fairly shallow and don't know how to work problems. Conversely it's not used by those who could, victims of abuse, scams, etc. I think it's a tool like any other.
Should we plan for divorce, no, what we should do is plan for marriage, do some pre-wedding counciling. the Catholic church has this much right, they have an extensive counseling program for the happy couple BEFORE they get married. This should be picked up by every faith and encouraged in the secular community as well since there are so many good questions which couples DO NOT ask each other without having better answers for themselves.
2007-03-16 22:59:12 · answer #2 · answered by Mark T 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think no matter what you should have some "mad" money set aside for yourself (him too) if you both work. You can use this if something happens.
Prenups are a good idea.
From personal experience, Catholic counseling doesn't always work. People change, things happen. We were madly in love, waited over a year and a half. Now he's an online porn addict and I wish I had the guts to leave.
Prepare for everything you can. If everything works well, then the "mad" money can be used together, or for a spa, or towards a house, whatever.
But in summary, yes, I think it's a good idea to at least set something aside, keep you education up, have an okay job.
2007-03-17 03:12:22 · answer #3 · answered by icequeen_ah 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In my world marriage vows are like the final law, when you take a spouse you are committing to them in sickness and health(addiction) for richer or poor etc.. When you marry you are saying you will be with this person until death takes one of you. If you are worried about abusive or cheating or addiction changing your life than you don't know the person you are marring.
You should not plan for divorce because that shouldn't be an option. You should plan for life. If you can set yourself up with a little nest egg for any unforeseen circumstance. Make sure you have life insurance and you could stand on your own two feet in needed. Not because you are waiting for a divorce that may or may not happen but because your spouse could die unexpectedly leaving you alone.
2007-03-17 00:47:27 · answer #4 · answered by Trisha 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well i guess its a matter of trust and love because you "normally" marry because you are madly in love or you love someone to the point you want to share your life with him/her, so planning ahead kinda hurt if the other one hears this.
In the other hand the key point here is you "share your life", that means responsabilities and if the other one doesnt act his/her part then you have to reconsider the whole thing. So i think its wise to be hones and embrace the remote posibility that things simply could go wrong. Sometimes its just a matter that you hate little datails and nothing as big as an adiction but thats what life is, isnt it? a big surptise every corner annif you are responsible enough to asume any outcome it makes you a better person.
2007-03-16 22:53:07 · answer #5 · answered by pancho_x 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you mean, like life insurance? Or do you want to include an exception in your vows?
My only comment, is never say never!
On the other hand, I do think people don't take marriage very seriously and can't accept how important it is. Marriage is a contract and I'd like to see some action taken against those who deliberately break that contract. Do away with "no fault" divorces, for a start. And sue the "other" woman! That would make people think twice if they knew there were consequences for their actions.
2007-03-16 22:57:18 · answer #6 · answered by True Blue Brit 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is good to try and prepare for the future, but if we all live our lives based on 'what-ifs' we certainly wouldn't get the most out of life. I've been married to a wonderful man 34 happy years and we still can't predict the future. Enjoy life and cross the problems as they come up. Good luck.
2007-03-16 22:51:49 · answer #7 · answered by DOT 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
always do a prenup and like everything else in life, there are no guarantees except the changes that occur in them... in the mean time, always keep yourself educated, hold yourself true, speak no ill of others (including your spouse) and no matter what happens u can always be self-reliant... lastly, have a good lawyer on your side
2007-03-16 22:56:14 · answer #8 · answered by ogg08 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The best way to avoid a divorce is to never get marry.
2007-03-16 22:59:18 · answer #9 · answered by Joe Guy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, of course not. Husband knew about the triple A dealbreakers for me once married:
Adultery
Abuse
Addiction
2007-03-17 02:07:17 · answer #10 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋