My niece is being bullied?

Question

She tries to make friends and thepeple she approaches tellher to goaway. They (teachers) say make friends but when she only talks to them they tell her to go away. As she is alone I feel people pick on her. How can she make her school life happier? She is in the first year of her senior school.

Answer 1

It's a difficult one. The first year of secondary school is so difficult for children- they all feel vulnerable and are scared of not fitting in. As a result they sometimes isolate certain individuals in an attempt to make them feel more popular and secure in themselves.
My daughter went through a similar period when she started secondary school. She was seperated from her friends who were put in different classes and therefore got different lessons. Everyone else in her class seemed to have at least one friend from their previous school that they could relate to.
She tried hard to fit in, but was unsuccessful and became isolated. As a result, she was bullied and became even more isolated- other children didn't want to be tarred by association. I complained to the school about the bullying, but their reaction was unhelpful- they seemed to prefer to ignore the problem rather than deal with it. In the end I decided to change my daughters school in order to put an end to her ordeal.
Hopefully you won't have to take such extreme measures and your niece's problems will ease with time.
Does she have any friends from her primary school she can turn to? Even if they are in a different class she could meet up with them at break time etc. Or are there any friends in a different year group to offer support?
She could possibly join an after school club to try and make new friends with similar interests. There will be lots of children in a similar position to your niece who are all crying out to be befriended- this might be a good place to meet some of them if she's brave enough to try new things.
It can often seem that everyone else has friends (especially when they are loud or in a large "popular " group), but really there are lots of quiet people sitting in the corner on their own.

Your niece could maybe try and approach some of the quieter, more isolated children and try to befriend them, rather than trying to become part of a well established group. They will be more willing to accept her, and may be glad of the chance to make a new friend.

I hope it all works out for you- I know how frustrating and painful it is to watch a child go through such torment and not be able to do anything to make things better. All you can do is be there for her to reassure her and encourage her to keep a positive attitude.

With regard to the bullying, I would continue to complain to the school- it is unacceptable and the school has a duty to put an end to it as soon as possible. There are lots of anti- bullying websites that can offer advice and support for both you and your niece (e.g kidscape), and there are also many online forums she could log onto to discuss her problems with others who are going through similar experiences.

Answer 2

My friend, if she is in high school and still has no friends, then something is desperately wrong. Even an ugly kid has at least one friend. Surely some of the kids she has tried to make friends with has said something to her that would give her a hint as to what is wrong. Something tells me that she isn't telling people the whole story. Too much blame is going on the "other" person.

Answer 3

Girls can be very cruel. We had to change my daughters school because of bullys.

We did find that encouraging her to join the clubs she was interested in helped. She met a few like minded people at the new school science club, and also on the school swimming team. Once she had a few friends things picked up. Perhaps your neice can look into what after school clubs are available.

Answer 4

i can say that i have been bullied so if you need to know what to do people often just say give up or tell her to make friends but that never works i made friends by blending in but the one thing she shouldn't do is smoke or take drugs cause that is going over the line just let her mingle in with the children that are smart but if that don't work just send me a message and I'll give you more info K

Answer 5

I once had a problem making friends when I went to a new High School where I did not know anyone. I just kept to myself and then one day people started to talk to me, before I knew it they became my friends. She might have to wait it out for a while before people find and interest in her.

Answer 6

Time is everything. She can either do something extremely heroic or she can wait it out. While she is waiting she can start a hobby or a sport to keep her time busy. Make sure she gets extra attention at home or else she will have problems. Trust me, I majored in Phsycology.

Answer 7

poor lass. unfortunately i dont think there is much you can do other than keep an eye on it and make sure it doesnt develop into something serious. she will eventually make a friend and then they should start leaving her alone and get bored. i dont envy her though, must be really hard for her.

Answer 8

Well have fun the American Way at
www.krackedskullz.com it's a Krackup
go to the fun links
The go to Free school page
you will be happy ;)

Answer 9

Ask the school to buddy her up with someone they know is friendly. If still no satisfaction contact them again.

Answer 10

its hard to force people to fit in, just make sure that she comes across as a nice respectful person, someone they would want to be with. she should keep trying