Wanting marriage ... what should I do??

Question

August 24,07 will be me and my boyfriends 5 years together. We have one daughter who will be 2 on July 24,2007. I am 22 and he's 25 .. I really want marriage and he doesn't. He said he's not ready for marriage ... but I find that soooo selfish. Marriage is EVERY important to me .. I don't care about the big party, I just want to get married by a judge or better yet in Vegas (going there in Sept). I feel soooo depressed, ugly, and not worth it :( :(

I know the old tale .... "why buy the cow if you can have the milk for free" ... :(

And I don't want to just leave him because we already have a child and I love him soooooo very much .. thats the reason I want to get married.

hmmmmmm.. what should I do??

Answer 1

You cannot force him to get married if he doesn't want to, nor will it work out well if you manage to cajole him into it. There are really only two choices here.

The first choice is telling him that you really want to get married and consider it essential to your happiness. You also understand that he is not ready for it now, so you will not continue to nag him about it. Tell him to let you know when he's ready so that you do not need to keep asking. At this point you can wait and see if he changes his mind before it gets unbearable for you.

Second, realize that the situation is unlikely to change. If the child was not enough to make him commit, he isnt really going to. Letting him go may be the only way for you to get a marriage. He may decide he does want you, or he may move on.

The important thing here is why you want marriage. It seems that you need to be married to feel validated and beautiful. I'm not saying he's right and you're wrong. I'm saying that you should get married for the right reasons.

You might also ask yourself (or him) why he doesn't feel ready for marriage. It may be something as simple as him waiting to be in a better place financially. It may also be that he's having second thoughts. Unless you know his reasons, you really cannot make a good decision on how to move forward. Good Luck!

Answer 2

You need to take a look at what each of you want out of this relationship. It's possible you guys will never see eye to eye on this. Can you really handle being with him if you never agree about it?

Also, keep in mind that marriage is a far from infallible way to get people to stick around; just look at the separation/divorce rate. That piece of paper doesn't change nearly as much in a relationship as some think. You'll still be the same people you were before the ceremony. Plenty of people feel that though marriage is legally binding, that doesn't make it a moral obligation. Does he feel this way? If so, it'd hardly make a difference even if you were married.

Whatever happens, I wish you the best and hope you both can be good, stabilizing influences on your daughter. I don't mean to sound preachy, but she should be your priority right now because kids can't take care of themselves. And have a great time in Vegas!

Answer 3

If you know that you love him, and that he loves you. What difference is a piece of paper that say "marriage" on it going to make?

Obviousl he cares for you, otherwise you wouldnt have a baby together and he wouldnt have invested 5 years of his life into the relationship. 22 is young. You have plenty of time to get married.

If you feel that he is being selfish for not getting married based on the fact that you want to, arnt you forgetting that you are being selfish as well for trying to encourage him to marry you when he isnt rady for it.

Marriage should b something that you both are looking forward to and excited about. If that isn't the situation then it wont last. Because he is going to wake up one day and realize he isnt ready for the situation he and you have put him in. Wait for it, it will turn out better in the end

Answer 4

I mean what can you do. I think it would be kinda childish to me if you were to leave him because he didn't want to get married. To be honest you guys are still to young to get married. He actually is the smart one here. The avenge man should until he is in his late 20's or early 30's to get married. You that you'll have been together for 5 yrs. Think most of that time doesn't even count. You guys were young and teenagers in high school. Give him time to get all that whoring out of his system. I think you should just keep chillin and don't push him. Or you will push him right out the door. SLLOOOWWW DOOOWWWNNN

Answer 5

read this:::
1 Corinthians 13
Love
1If I speak in the tongues[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,[b] but have not love, I gain nothing.
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Answer 6

Look to the future. He has said that he's not ready for marriage. Will he ever be? Ask him and yourself this question. I understand your not wanting to break up your family, but if something is VERY important to you, and he can not see himself doing it, then you have reached an impasse. Despite your love for him, you may have to move on. Many responders are commenting on your and his youth. This, I believe is now irrelevant now that you have a child. No matter what, it is time for you both to grow up and do what ever is in the best interest of your child and in this you are correct: Your child deserves the security of parents who are wholly committed to one another.

Answer 7

If a man is telling you that he doesn't want to get married....don't pressure him. Why would you want to marry someone that doesn't want to be a husband. Just take it one day at a time. Be strong don't show weakness because men only understand strength.

Answer 8

if you dont want to to leave him and hes not ready to get married then you might just have to wait till he it ready hes 27 and i dont see why he would not want to get married....... just talk to him and see whats goin and on and see if there is another reason

Answer 9

you say you love him but does he love you? you should have got his commitment before you decided to have a child.