Can anyone tell me if humans are supposed to be monogamous?

Question

If so, then why do we have this burning desire to cheat, to try something different? I don't understand why people give in to their desires if they know it's going to hurt their loved one.... but there it goes, that temptation that's almost inevetible to ignore. Do you truly love if you cheat? Or are you just giving in, to the primative in all of us?

Answer 1

Its a primal urge in us to want to reproduce ie. sex with multiples.
Most of us give in to the urge but if true love exists in your heart, I feel you can shut it off.

Answer 2

I have heard some compelling arguments that humans are indeed predisposed to monogamy, but I'm not going to try to convince you of it.

I think people can live whatever kinds of lives they want, but they should attempt to do it intelligently.

What I mean is, if a couple doesn't spend about a year getting to know one another and discussing all the important issues in their lives - sex, children, money, careers, politics, religion, etc. - then they're not being smart. They're going to "rush" into a relationship - married or otherwise - and find out something they don't like that they SHOULD have already discussed.

And, too many people are just not emotionally mature enough to live with another person; they lack the love and committment, the sense of teamwork that makes a relationship last. They can't work out problems because they lack a sense of compromise, and they can't forgive each other when a problem does occur. They'll never make it.

But single life isn't all its cracked up to be, either.

Oh, sure, you have no obligations to anyone, or at least fewer obligations. Too many people are just cowards; they don't want ANY obligations. Many people can't even keep a job because they don't have enough discipline.

So, you've got the dating pool; people BSing each other and playing mind games and lying, etc.

You've got the REAL risk of several STDs if you don't use protection - and obviously, many are too stupid to figure THAT out.

So, as far as the argument of monogamy or promiscuity goes, there are risks on both sides.

But as regards maintaining a long-term relationship, this is NOT rocket science.

We've been happily married 36 years, and I guarantee you, some of the key elements of a successful relationship - married or otherwise - are:

1) A long list of common interests; things you both enjoy doing TOGETHER as opposed to separate interests and separate groups of friends.

2) A lot of tolerance for each other's differences. As much as you share in common, you're still going to rub one another wrong from time to time. Be mature and deal with it. Separate the small $h!t from the serious stuff.

3) A sense of compromise; so that you can work out your problems with a minimum of emotional trauma. It's marital negotiation.

4) A sense of sympathy and forgiveness. You're both going to screw up on occasion. You need to be able to forgive, forget, and move on with the relationship.

Answer 3

Most organism's most irrepressible instinct is to procreate and ensure that the species continues and thrives. In the past with lifespans in the mid-thirties and disease and famine rampant males could ensure this by procreating their brains out. The more kids you had the greater the chance that some would survive.

So if somebody cheats it's usually a combination of weakness (succumbing to thousands of years of genetic programming). Depending on how morally upright someone is it will take more or less temptation. Some men need very little, some need TONS of temptation to stray. But most men would cheat under the right circumstances.

Answer 4

I dont think that theres anything wrong with the desire to cheat. Because its natural instinct. And for the second question about do you really love. I dont know the answer to that one for sure, although I think you do. I think the best thing about sex, and Im sure youll probably agree, is the element of the unknown. So its normal to want to taste the forbidden fruit. I personally dont know why men and women are legally allowed to get married. If you think about it, they are the most incompatible creatures in the world. We like shopping for tools, and they like shopping for silk panties. We work hard to make money, and they work hard to spend it all. Lets face it, were not alike in any way. We were made for reproduction purposes only.

Answer 5

No, Not by nature. Marriage has been introduce to us because of religion. Marriage is a religious tradition passed from generation to generation for thousands of years. It is a covenant between the Man, the Women and God. Religion tells us to suppress sexual urges until marriage. Religion tells us to be monogamous. Christian-Judea values has become part of the American value system. During "Bible days" girls and boys got married at about age 13-15 years old so they were able to stay celibate until marriage. Today, it is not wise for Boys and Girls to get marriage at that age so they must suppress their desires.

Today, It is natural for men and women to have strong urges and desires. Just like it is natural for animals. If you cheat, you are following your own desires to satisfy self (primitive). If you truly love, you will follow your religious tradition and do what it says. Do you know what your religious tradition says about marriage?

Answer 6

All these long drawn out answers. I guarantee, the main ones cheating are the ones who always say--I would never cheat, we love each other, we have a strong married, it's sin.-etc all those lame answers. Your partner probably cheating right under your nose. No matter how godly you may think your partner is. No one can say they will never cheat on the spouses, because we all will.

Answer 7

My wife cheated on me and this act has truly devastated me. If your going to sleep around then at least leave your spouse before you cheat. I truly loved my wife and would have done anything for her. Now that she has cheated....It makes me sick to even look at her. This is a pain that will always be in my heart and I wish this pain on no one.

Answer 8

Monogomy is an unrealistic and ignorant expectation. It is not human nature to be monogomous. I have studied this. Famous sociologist Helen Fisher explains it in "The Anatomy of Love." The urge to cheat is inherent in us. If you cheat, it does NOT mean that you do not love your partner!

Answer 9

I agree that it's just human nature to admire and want to have sex with another person who is attractive to you. My husband and I talked this over for over two years. (it was his idea) The solution, if you are going to have extramarital sex, is to be able to separate the true "Love" from the animal "sex". Once you're intimate with someone else, it's easy for the lines to become blurred. You can't let that happen if you're going to be in an open relationship. If you CAN separate the two, life can be VERY fun and "fulfilling"! Good luck!

Answer 10

No, it is NOT natural to humans. The scientific explanation (example; sperm competition) can be a little too graphic for here, but let's just say our biology clearly shows we are not designed to be with just one person.....sorry to disappoint, but it is modern society (aprx 13000 years out of 150000 years of our history) that "couplehood" became the norm.

Answer 11

I think that instinctively, because we want to mate, often, and with people that attract us (men that have the genes we want to pass on to our offspring)... and men need to spread their seed to as many females as possible just like animals... But we don't act this way (like animals) because we are intelligent and can decipher what's acceptable or not, what's right and wrong, and there are couples who don't cheat on eachother.